List of X-Play characters

List of X-Play characters

The video-game review television program X-Play has had numerous recurring sketch characters that have appeared throughout the show's history; during a preview for the game WWE Day of Reckoning 2 (Episode No. 5093), co-hosts Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb were left pondering, "Just how many random-ass supporting characters do we have on this show?". They were able to come up with a sizable list before the commercial break (30 humans, two hand puppets, and one monkey), but here is a more complete breakdown:


"A" Characters

  • Adam 2.0: A "younger, hipper" version of Adam (actually played by his younger brother Jonathan) cloned in his image, with a few modest improvements (he claims that he comes equipped with a "special USB port").
First Appearance: Episode No. 5027
Performed by: Jonathan Sessler
  • Adam-San: see Morgan-San and Adam-San
  • Adam V: A robot named after Adam (a parody of the name Number Five from the movie Short Circuit) who murdered most of the X-Play staff, until Morgan stopped his rampage by teaching him about sacrifices in the name of love. The two (supposedly) fall in love and go on to have a cyborg baby together, but during X-Play's April 23, 2006 marathon, we find out that Adam V has repeatedly tried (unsuccessfully) to get back in touch with Morgan, who actually has no romantic interest in him. In fact, Morgan goes so far as to break the fourth wall on Adam V, and she informs him that their entire love story was fake, an act for the show, and that she never had his baby (it was a prop assembled from "a Cabbage Patch doll and fax machine parts"). Following this revelation, Sessler offers to set Adam V up on a blind date with a Roomba; the robot accepts, and Sessler subsequently rips out Adam V's wiring, which kills him.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5097
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Jason Cheung
  • Æon Flux Morgan: Morgan dressed up as the character Æon Flux.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6008
Performed by: Morgan Webb
  • Ahnuld: see Governatuh
  • Ahrnold: see Governatuh
  • Albert the Happy Intern: see Interns
  • "Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts: A dual parody of the Star Wars films and the Home Shopping Network, this skit features the characters Tom Peterson and Bill Tanner, who are overstocked with lightsabers and need to pass them on to the consumers at low low prices. Unfortunately for Bill, while demonstrating a Mace Windu replica purple lightsaber ("Just because it's purple doesn't mean you're gay!") Tom accidentally cuts off Bill's right hand, and soon Bill dies in Tom's arms. While he is mourning the loss of Bill, Tom is still able to carry on with presenting the show.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6038
Performed by: Tom (Mike Benson), Bill (Paul Bonanno)
  • "Mr. Altair": A parody of the main character from the game Assassin's Creed, wherein he is portrayed as the instructor of an adult education class called Assassination 101: Death by Killing. He insults one student for revealing the only reason he joined the class was to kill Altair for revenge, claims that Brutus shouted "Looks like your salad's tossed!" when killing Julius Caesar, and hits on the female students.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080214
Performed by: Mr. Altair (Unknown), Gary (Unknown), Skip [I] (Unknown), Rebecca (Unknown)
  • "Alternate X" Adam and Morgan: A version of Adam and Morgan from an alternate universe where (according to "Earth Prime" Morgan) "X-Play turned out ... lame"; instead of being completely cynical and filled with hate, "Alternate X" Adam and Morgan love their fans and do everything they can to make their world a better place (their version of X-Play even won a Peabody Award). It should also be noted that "Alternate X" Adam has long flowing hair, while "Alternate X" Morgan dresses like a soccer mom.
First Appearance: Episode No. 7046
Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb
  • America Man: A superhero-esque character dressed in a stars-and-stripes sweatsuit and sunglasses. America Man's mission in life it to rid the country of intolerance, and to convince people that they should not question things that they see on TV; he tries to accomplish this task with bizarre public service announcements called The Less You Know, an obvious parody of NBC's famous segment, The More You Know (NOTE: In a posting on Television Without Pity, X-Play segment producer Matt Keil stated that the end graphic of the Less You Know skits - which featured pictures of children and a horse - used photos that were taken from an archive of missing children pictures [1], adding an element of dark humor to the segment).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6017
Performed by: Adam Sessler
  • Angry Gentleman: see Morgan-San and Adam-San
  • Anime Adam and Morgan: At one point in the show's history, the opening sequence was designed by BUCK Design (out of Los Angeles), and featured co-hosts Adam and Morgan re-imagined as anime-style video game characters. As the opening credits progressed, the two were portrayed performing various action sequences, including the destruction of a group of monsters via kung fu and swordplay, flying a pair of fighter jets, and a tense shootout reminiscent of GoldenEye 007 (NOTE: During the "character select" portion of the opening, you could see Adam and Morgan's names highlighted along with Ratty and the non-represented characters "Griffin", "Henri", and "Pandora").
First Appearance: Episode No. 6055
Performed by: None
  • "Aphrodite": see "Kratos"
  • "Aquaman": see Memory Card
  • "Samus Aran": see "Mother Brain"
  • Ashley: see Spectre Mifflin staff
  • Assault Panda: see Morgan-San and Adam-San
  • The Athlete: see "The Breakfast Club"
  • Automatic Review Robot 3000: Whenever Adam or Morgan don't feel like reviewing a game themselves, they alway have this robot (in reality an edited picture of a QRIO with the voice provided by a PlainTalk synthesizer) to fall back on ... they just feed in the relevant data, and out pops a generic review for the audience's viewing pleasure. ARR-3000 first appeared when Adam could not stand to review yet another Mega Man game; in later reviews, we have been introduced to his ex-girlfriend Sharon, their illegitimate son Child-Bot 3000, and Sharon's new live-in boyfriend Leroy.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6079
Performed by: Unknown

"B" Characters

  • "Bacchus": see "Kratos"
  • Private Ball-Bag: A lowly recruit going through boot camp in the Bulletstorm universe, who giggles when his commanding officer says "Nothing quite like the smell of manmeat in the morning," which earns him a round of gunfire in the ass (Fire in the Hole) followed by the officer using his electric leash to throw him through a brick wall ... However, he gets his revenge when he accidentally vaporizes his commanding officer with his laser rifle, because he forgot to turn the safety on (NOTE: In an exclusive video on the G4TV website, it is revealed that the commanding officer actually survived the blast, although he was stripped of his ranking and now goes by the name of Private Dick-Fart).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110221
Performed by: Private Ball-Bag (Brian Posehn), Private Dick-Fart (R. Lee Ermey)
  • Barbarians: see Flappy Jaws
  • Barry: Also known as the "I hate Adam Sessler" guy, this is the main character in a commercial produced by Slacquer Production & Post that aired frequently on the G4TV network when the channel first began to broadcast X-Play. In the commercial, the character of Barry would be jealous of the fact that Adam got to spend so much time with Morgan Webb, and even built a small shrine in his room in her honor. The spot can be viewed here:
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Dave Stann
  • The X-Play Bear: Originally he was part of a segment on X-Play called A Bear in a Field, where a guy in a bear suit explained complicated programming terms (as they apply to video games) before mauling the cameraman. However, during the transition from TechTV to G4TV, the X-Play Bear underwent a transformation (his bear suit became a darker shade of brown and looked less realistic) and is now pretty much relegated to simply dancing around during certain game reviews.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Original (Robert Heron), Current (Michael Leffler)
  • "The Beatles": X-Play's version of the "Fab Four" appear in their Sgt. Pepper uniforms (along with cheesy bowlcut wigs and moustaches) while playing The Beatles: Rock Band ... as well as making claims that all British people's faces are "stupid" and that animals (not just animal costumes) are "sexy".
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090908
Performed by: "Ringo Starr" (Unknown), "Paul McCartney" (Michael Leffler), "John Lennon" (Unknown), "George Harrison" (Unknown)
  • "Niko Bellic": see X-Play COPS
  • Miss Bendova: see Unemployed Ninja
  • Dr. Heimlich Betzer: A German "scientist" who (supposedly) holds a PHD in "Suckology", and has written the book Sweet Christ, That Sucked! Basically, he's an expert at telling you how much something sucks; for example, the game Bomberman: Act Zero falls somewhere in between Lady in the Water and the black plague.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6105
Performed by: voice of X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • The Big Bald Guy: A supposed art teacher who encourages his students to paint him in the nude (NOTE: This character has never officially been given a name; Adam refers to him as "the big bald guy who takes his clothes off" after the preview of WWE Day of Reckoning 2, but during the X-Play Origins Episode he calls him Fat Bald Gay Guy instead).
First Appearance: Episode No. 5059
Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum
  • Bill: X-Play's official Mii avatar.
First Appearance: Episode No. 7020
Performed by: None
  • Billy the Newspaper Boy: see Sat'an
  • Billy the Pokémon fan: An obsessed fan of the Pokémon series of video games, who will take on the alter ego of "Billychu" whenever he is frightened. Billy eventually decides that he needs to "grow up" and abandon such juvenile pleasures ... so he moves on to Yu-Gi-Oh!.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5113
Performed by: X-Play intern coordinator Robert Manuel
  • Trent Bishop: In an attempt to achieve sexual equality with the proliferation of "booth babes" found at gaming conventions, this American Booth Bro made an appearance at the 2008 Leipzig show wearing nothing but denim shorts and covered in baby oil. He displayed the right attitude ("My whole goal is to be judged just on my exterior!") but ultimately failed in his quest to be hired by one of the gaming companies.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080918
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Jacob Black": see "Cullen, Edward"
  • "Black Widow": The appearance of this Marvel Comics villainess was purported to be from never-before-seen cutscenes of the upcoming video game based on the Iron Man 2 film ... Unfortunately, the character in question looked nothing like Scarlett Johansson.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090727
Performed by: "Black Widow" (Michael Leffler), "Iron Man" (Unknown)
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081218
Performed by: Dirk Blastdong (Unknown), Sandy Bottoms (Unknown), "Sub-Zero" (Unknown), "Wonder Girl" (Unknown)
  • René Bleszinski: see Webb, Indiana
  • Blogort: A "robot of ill repute", who led R.O.B. down a path of intoxication and sensuality, ultimately designing a metallic phallus (nicknamed his "bundled arrogance") for R.O.B. to wear. This eventually led to the Nintendo mascot's downfall, as he was melted down to fill the cavities of grumpy old people.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5097
Performed by: Unknown
  • Mr. Blonde: see Reservoir Geeks
  • Bob and Steve: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve
  • Boombastis: A character from the Extreme Pong skit, Boombastis is an extremely overweight geisha who is eventually killed during a match with Morgan "The Wookie" Webb (Morgan knocks the ball directly into "her" mouth, choking her to death).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6069
Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum
  • Sandy Bottoms: see Blastdong, Dirk
  • The Brain: see "The Breakfast Club"
  • "The Breakfast Club": A direct (albeit darker) parody of the 1985 movie, where the X-Play gang plays a group of high school students serving Saturday detention. The principal forces them to write game reviews, but they all eventually write a suicide pact instead.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6025
Performed by: The Brain (Adam Sessler), The Princess (Morgan Webb), The Athlete (Michael Leffler), The TV Host (Kevin Pereira), The Kook (Unknown), "Principal Vernon" (Unknown)
  • Mr. Brown: see Reservoir Geeks
  • Kwame Brown: see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

"C" Characters

  • Adam Calrissian: A fictitious lawyer situated in the Star Wars universe, who bears a striking resemblance to the character portrayed by Billy Dee Williams. His law offices (which can be contacted by dialing 1-888-555-EWOK) specialize in helping Stormtroopers who are injured at work (past clients include TK-516 and TK-431). His motto is "Bleeding money out of the Galactic Empire and taking 18 percent off the top is my job" (NOTE: It is believed that this character is actually different from Adam's other Billy Dee impersonation, Lando Sessler).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080917
Performed by: Adam Calrissian (Adam Sessler), TK-516 (Unknown), TK-431 (Unknown)
  • Canada Man: see Morgan-San and Adam-San
  • Canadian Girl: During the show's review of the game NHL 12, X-Play decided to "replace" their long-time re-occurring character Canadian Guy (aka Guy LaFleur) and his "brand of dated stereotypes" ... Of course, his replacement turned out to be a woman who dressed and talked exactly like him, right down to the Oui oui oui! catchphrase (no doubt this change was made to highlight the ability for players to make female characters in the game).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110927
Performed by: X-Play production assistant Emily Conti
  • Canadian Guy: see LaFleur, Guy
  • Captain: see Cobra and Mongoose
  • Car from Street Fighter II: A character cut from the official MvC3 roster, it was "ready to settle the score and deliver [its] own beatdown ... after years of being punched and kicked by a bunch of brain dead thugs." Its argument for being included in the fighting game was that "cars kill more people then guns or stupid hadoukens."
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110216
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Anthony Carmine": see Carmine, Dietrich
  • "Ben Carmine": see Carmine, Dietrich
  • Dietrich Carmine: A non-canonical member of the Carmine family portrayed in the Gears of War series, who is trying to buy a life insurance policy for himself before going off to battle. However, the salesman (Ryan Jeffries) refuses to cover him, listing a long line of other Carmines who came in before him and then were almost immediately killed after signing up (like Sherman Carmine who burned up looking for his car keys in a pool of emulsion). This is in reference to the Gears of War games always having a soldier named "Carmine" die during the storymode campaign. Fittingly, when Dietrich stands up to protest, a bullet whizzes through the nearby window and takes him out with a bloody headshot (NOTE: This sketch premiered at the Gears of War 3 panel at Comic-Con 2010 moderated by Adam Sessler).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20100726
Performed by: Dietrich Carmine (Unknown), Ryan Jeffries (Unknown), "Anthony Carmine" (Unknown), "Ben Carmine" (Unknown), Jed Carmine (Unknown), Franklin Carmine (Unknown), Sherman Carmine (Unknown), Lebron Carmine (Unknown), Garrett Carmine (Unknown), Ignatius Carmine (Unknown), Janice the receptionist (Unknown)
  • Franklin Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich
  • Garrett Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich
  • Ignatius Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich
  • Jed Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich
  • Lebron Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich
  • Sherman Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich
  • "Stanley Carter": see "Sin-Eater"
  • Cat-Morgan and Embarrass-Man: Morgan and Adam's superhero alter egos ... Morgan's outfit resembles Catwoman, while Adam's costume is a more flamboyant version of Robin's.
First Appearance: Episode No. 281
Performed by: Morgan Webb and Adam Sessler
  • Chainsword: see Warhammer Chainsaw Sword
  • "Hugo Chávez": The power-mad Venezuelan president makes a visit to the X-Play offices, where (among other things) he gets kneed in the groin by Morgan.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6106
Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio
  • Child-Bot 3000: see Automatic Review Robot 3000
  • "Claudius": see "Hamlet"
  • Cobra and Mongoose: Flash-like cartoon characters (purposely animated in a haphazard and seemingly rushed manner) who spoof various action movies like Top Gun, Days of Thunder, and The Hunt for Red October. Cobra is the stereotypical hot-shot renegade, who plays by his own rules (never following the orders of his commanding officer Captain) and is depicted as the pinnacle of manliness (he will often get a different person pregnant during each skit, including Mongoose's girlfriend Susie and a shark). Mongoose is at the other end of the spectrum, the perennial second banana who winds up dying at the end of every segment for "dramatic effect" (leaving Cobra to mournfully yell out "Mongooooose!").
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Cobra (voice of Paul Bonanno), Mongoose (voice of Michael Leffler), Captain (Unknown), Susie (Unknown)
  • "Cole Train": A parody of the video-game character Augustus Cole from Gears of War, who stars in a commercial for the breakfast cereal Grains of War. The cereal is made from "whole wheat, powdered bullet casings and slaughterhouse runoff", and the commercial's tagline is "It'll curb-stomp that appetite!"
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081204
Performed by: Lester Speight
  • Don Colorado: X-Play's Latin American correspondent, and host of the show Don Colorado and the Mas Sexy Adventures in Gameland; he believes himself to be an expert in video games as well as the "teaching of love-making to the many virgin nerds."
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090223
Performed by: Unknown
  • Communist Adam and Morgan: When the rigors of capitalism became too much for the X-Play hosts to bear, they turned to the memory of mother Russia for guidance.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6016
Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb
  • Conspiracy Guy: The host of X-Play's Conspiracy Theory of the Week, this ski mask-clad fellow is about as paranoid as one can get, spouting off theories on everything from Bigfoot to the JFK assassination.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play series producer Karsten Bondy
  • James Cooper: see X-Play COPS
First Appearance: Episode No. 6014
Performed by: Sgt. Tad Rando (Paul Bonanno), Officer Sykes (Robert Manuel/Michael Leffler), Unnamed Cop #1 (Mike Benson), Unnamed Cop #2 (Brendan Hermes), Officer Hicks (Michael Leffler), Officer James Cooper (Unknown)
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090121
Performed by: voice of X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • Crazy Adam: see Trampleton, Crazy Adam
  • The X-Play Creature: see Sat'an
  • "Aleister Crowley": see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan
  • "Cupid": An obese, diaper-clad, jive-talking God of Love who vehemently tries to convince Adam and Morgan to give love a chance. He ultimately fails to do this, becoming depressed by Adam and Morgan's hopelessly lonely and negative attitudes.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6014
Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum
  • "Edward Cullen": A parody of the vampire character from the "Twilight" movies, who appeared in the fictitious movie trailer Twilight: Modern Warfare 2. Alongside his werewolf partner "Jacob Black", the two heroes (codenamed Sparkle and Moonbeam respectively) find themselves in the Kandahar province of Afghanistan fighting as squadmates alongside "Soap" and "Roach" from the popular shooter, mainly because "Activision needed to figure out a way to sell Call of Duty to 13-year-old girls and middle-aged women."
First Appearance: Episode No. 20100111
Performed by: "Edward Cullen" (Unknown), "Jacob Black" (Unknown), "Sergeant Gary 'Roach' Sanderson" (Michael Leffler), "Captain John 'Soap' MacTavish" (Unknown)
  • "Curley": see "George" and "Lennie"
  • "Curley's Wife": see "George" and "Lennie"
  • Cyborg Pirate: The leader of a group of video-game villains - Diver (in full scuba gear), Ninja (not to be confused with That Ninja because of his neon-green costume), Zombie (who makes it clear that he is "undead" rather than "infected"), and "Cloud Strife" - who plot to take over the 2009 Game Developers Conference ... However, people find it hard to take them seriously when their "secret lair" is a booth at the local Wendy's.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090325
Performed by: Cyborg Pirate (Unknown), Diver (Unknown), Ninja (Unknown), Zombie (Unknown), "Cloud Strife" (Unknown)

"D" Characters

  • "Dante": see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers
  • Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers: A parody of the old Cy Sperling informercials, featuring hairstyles that would fit right into the Devil May Cry universe.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080205
Performed by: "Dante" (Unknown), Joshua Sark, Sr. (Unknown), Kwame Brown (Jonathan Solin), "Tim" the Thai massage therapist (Unknown)
Lando Sessler and Morgan Windu at Star Wars Celebration 3 in 2005
  • Darth Fanboy: An evil Star Wars fan who tried to kill Adam after he gave a 2 out of 5 score to Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast; only the swift hand of Jedi Morgan Windu (Morgan claiming to be the widow of Mace Windu, who won her late husband's signature purple lightsaber during their divorce hearing) saved him from imminent destruction. The character later appeared at a Star Wars convention, where Lando Sessler - Adam in a fashionable Lando Calrissian cosplay outfit - was again spared death; only this time, Morgan needed the help of Ratty Puppet to finish off the evil fanboy.
First Appearance: Episode No. 173
Performed by: Darth Fanboy (Jason Cheung), Morgan Windu (Morgan Webb), Lando Sessler (Adam Sessler)
  • "Darth Vader": see Emperor
  • "Walter Day": see Kong-Net
  • Private Dick-Fart: see Private Ball-Bag
  • The Disembodied Voice: The unseen X-Play announcer, who would pipe in at the beginning of each show (and once the show returned from commercial breaks) with totally nonsensical introductions for Adam and Morgan (such as Now with 30 percent less coolness, it's Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb! and Four out of five doctors recommend Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb!). At one point, fans of the show could write their own "Disembodied Voice Intros" and submit them via a special thread on the official X-Play message boards, with a chance to have them read on the air. The character was popular enough to have his own IMDB entry, but was eventually replaced during the G4-TechTV merger by the announcer for Attack of the Show!; his final broadcast took place on March 8, 2005 (NOTE: Once the original Disembodied Voice was replaced, the role of the announcer for comedic purposes was progressively scaled back on the show, to the point where the co-hosts would no longer respond to his intros or even react to them; in fact, starting with the February 17th, 2009 episode, the Disembodied Voice has apparently been discontinued altogether, as both Adam and Morgan have now taken over all announcing duties during commercial breaks and the closing of each episode).
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Original (voice of Jason Frankovitz), Disembodied Voice #2 (voice of Brendan Hermes)
  • Diver: see Cyborg Pirate
  • "Donkey Kong": see Kong-Net
  • Doug: see "Mercer, Alex"
  • "Dramatic Readings of Instruction Manuals" host: see Gramps
  • Drill Girl: A young lady wearing a schoolgirl outfit, who has a deep enjoyment and fixation for drilling things.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6022
Performed by: X-Play intern Megan
  • Drunk Link: X-Play's parody of the hero of the Legend of Zelda series, portrayed as an alcoholic stalker (he must drown his sorrows in liquor because "that dumb bitch Zelda can't stay outta trouble" [2]).
First Appearance: Episode No. 5010
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • The Drunk Writer: The girlfriend to Drunk Link (aka "I Need Drink" Girl), who is always seen with a cigarette dangling from her lip, a bottle of Southern Comfort (labelled "Rot Gut") clutched in her hand, and an olive drab colored t-shirt with the words "I Need Drink" ironed onto it.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5010
Performed by: former X-Play head writer Blair Butler
  • Drunken Link: see Morgan-San and Adam-San
  • Dwayne: see Spectre Mifflin staff

"E" Characters

  • E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team: In a sendup of the documentary/news cable TV series, the X-Play offices are depicted as a den of sin and iniquity; one alleged incident in particular is presented in the form of a re-enactment, with actors portraying the roles of co-hosts Adam Sessler, Morgan Webb, and Blair Herter. The three are shown killing an intern named Reggie Stevens while in a drunken haze, because they mistook him for a vampire.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20100915
Performed by: THS Adam (Jonathan Sessler), THS Morgan (Unknown), THS Blair (Unknown), Hells Angels Member #1 (Jonathan Solin), Hells Angels Member #2 (Unknown), Reggie Stevens (Unknown)
  • "Amelia Earhart": see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan
  • Ed the Department Head: A failed sitcom by the X-Play writers, following the wacky exploits of a zombie who carries his head around in his hands and tries to consume the flesh of his co-workers.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6093
Performed by: Ed's head (Mike Benson), Ed's body (Unknown), Goldman (Robert Manuel)
  • Eddie the Bob Kane Phenomenon: A rival to Roger the Stan Lee Experience, Eddie is the "9th best thing" to having the real Bob Kane.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin
  • 80s Adam and Morgan: It's Adam and Morgan as they could have been if X-Play were broadcast during the 1980s (complete with ripped jeans and leg warmers).
First Appearance: Episode No. 110
Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb
  • Embarrass-Man: see Cat-Morgan and Embarrass-Man
  • The Emperor: A parody of Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars films. He first appeared in a skit which asked the question, "What if the Emperor needed to find a new line of work?" (due to his villainous personality, the Emperor fails miserably at several temp jobs, everything from dog sitter to air traffic controller). Later, during their special episode on The Force Unleashed, X-Play created their own version of the TV show Cheaters (dubbed Cheatin' Unleashed and hosted by Joey Greedo) in which the Emperor took exception to the relationship between "Darth Vader" and his new apprentice "Starkiller".
First Appearance: Episode No. 6038
Performed by: Emperor (Paul Bonanno), Unnamed TempCorp employee (Unknown), Joey Greedo (Unknown), "Darth Vader" (Unknown), "Starkiller" (Ross Beeley)
  • Eric the Shirtless Intern: see Interns
  • Evil Paul: A mysterious man dressed in black, with a glass eye and a penchant for torturing his victims. In their review of Rockstar's Tabble Tennis, it was revealed that Evil Paul is also the host of the Extreme Pong tournament (during the review, Evil Paul declares that his name is None of your business; some fans took this to mean that that phrase was actually his proper name).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6019
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090309
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin
  • Johnny Extreme: see Xtreme, Johnny
  • Extreme Kevin: This character (whose costume consists of a red gi, thick glasses, buck teeth, and a fake muscled chest) was originally portrayed as the official Japanese translator for Shad Grimgravy, but he has also served as a spokesman for a line of Burnout Dominator brand merchandise.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6100
Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

"F" Characters

  • Fanboys: While not really characters on the show per se, the rabid and angry fan populations of various genres have taken on a life of their own during the show's run ... Everyone from Dragon Ball Z to InuYasha, Fullmetal Alchemist to Gundam, and all points in between (really, it seems to be mostly fans of anime-based games) have let the hosts know via viewer mail that they are NOT happy when the show supposedly "bashes" their preferred brand of entertainment. Adam and Morgan have gone to great lengths to further antagonize these fanboys, even holding an E-Mail from Angry Full Metal Alchemist Fans reading during one memorable episode.
First Appearance: Pretty much from the beginning
Performed by: The viewing audience
  • Harold Fargis: see Valkyries
  • Fat Bald Gay Guy: see Big Bald Guy
  • Fat Yuna: see Man-Yuna
  • "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan: Parodies of the Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo characters from the Hunter S. Thompson story Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Adam and Morgan venture out to the New Mexico desert in search of the infamous missing E.T. cartridges, where they encounter an evil nexus created by the renowned mystic Aleister Crowley.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5074
Performed by: Raoul (Adam Sessler), "Amelia Earhart" (Morgan Webb), "Aleister Crowley" (Paul Bonanno)
  • Female Intern: see Interns
  • Ferdinand: see Moe and Ferdinand
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Various
  • Nebil Flavian: see Myth Crackers!
  • Flexy the Sexy Clown: A clown (with white facepaint, red nose, pink hair, no shirt, and polka-dotted boxer shorts) hired by Adam to help celebrate the 20th anniversary of Blizzard Entertainment ... much to Mister Sessler's chagrin (he was expecting a sexy lady clown).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110209
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Jonathan Frakes": A parody of the actor who played Commander William T. Riker in Star Trek: The Next Generation, who is portrayed as Patrick Stewart's personal lapdog, forced to do demeaning tasks such as feed him grapes and shave his legs. Morgan also rated Frakes' facial hair a one out of five ("it smells like cabbage soup and herring").
First Appearance: Episode No. 7014
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mike Benson
  • "Frankenstein": During X-Play's review of the latest Yu-Gi-Oh! game, they decided to recreate the famous "flower petal" scene from the 1931 classic film ... However, instead of capturing the memorable qualities of this powerful scene, they just had some guy in a cheap Frankenstein mask dance with one of the interns while trading Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5107
Performed by: Unknown

"G" Characters

  • Game Dreamer: see Littleton, Marvin
  • GamerTag: A fictitious video-game reviewer who (supposedly) posts his ill-conceived opinions on YouTube.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080328
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings
  • "Gandalf": An 8-bit version of the famous wizard, who appears in the Fantasy Football 2010 comedy video as the opposition for the Tecmo Bowl-esque quarterback; "Gandalf" bellows You shall not pass!, right before killing him with a bolt of lightning.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20101224
Performed by: Unknown
  • Gary [I]: see Mr. Altair
  • Gary [II]: The main character of the skit Fable 2 Confession, who did not realize that performing "deviant acts" within the fictional world of Albion (such as kicking chickens and solicitation of prostitutes) would get him into trouble in the real world.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081201
Performed by: X-Play script consultant Ross Beeley
  • Gary [III]: see "Mercer, Alex"
  • George [I]: see Monkey People
  • George [II]: see Wallace, Clifton
  • "George" and "Lennie": The two main characters in the Master Chief Theatre presentation of Of Mice and Men. Using Halo 3 footage, the skit chronicles the story of "Lennie" (an Elite) as he destroys everything (including Curley's wife) in his search for rabbits, before finally being shot in the face by "George".
First Appearance: Episode No. 20100811
Performed by: "George" (voice of Tim Jennings), "Lennie" (voice of Michael Leffler), "Curley" (Unknown), "Curley's Wife" (Unknown)
  • "Gertrude": see "Hamlet"
  • "Astronaut John Glenn": Supposedly, the former astronaut and US Senator will contact X-Play via telephone during reviews of space-themed video games ... However, the conversations will stray from Glenn's experience in space exploration and devolve into his bizarre sexual fetishes. For example, during Blair Butler's review of Sword of the Stars, the faux-Glenn claimed that he invented such sexual positions as the Reverse Apollo Landing and the Alabama Black Hole (NOTE: During X-Play's review of Star Fox Command, Glenn revealed that his furry nickname is Mousey McCheesepaws).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6093
Performed by: voice of X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings
  • God of Canada: see "Kratos"
  • God of Chaos: see "Kratos"
  • God of Snore: see "Kratos"
  • God of Sock Puppets: see "Kratos"
  • God of Stagnant Pools: see "Kratos"
  • Goddess of Warm Beers: see "Kratos"
  • Gogo: see "Kill Bill" Morgan
  • Goldman: see Ed the Department Head
  • Goose: A World War II-era pilot, who considers Adam to be his rival (Adam responds by claiming that he has been sleeping with Goose's girl).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6061
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • Govahnator: see Governatuh
  • The Governatuh: A gap-toothed, musclebound, sunburned parody of the governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger. When the real Arnold proposed to enact legislation that would curb the availability of violent video games in the state of California, the writers of X-Play used the opportunity to create the fictitious Ahrnold Says Yes to No Violence campaign, where the Governatuh abhors violence in video games while conveniently ignoring all the killing in his many action movies. When Adam shows up and tries to point out this hypocrisy, Ahrnold simply laughs it off, while the camera pans down to reveal that he is not wearing any pants (NOTE: X-Play has not been consistent with the spelling of this character's name, alternating between Governatuh and Govahnator, or Ahrnold and Ahnuld).
First Appearance: Episode No. 5122
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • Grabnar the Wanderer: Grabnar is a deranged Dungeons & Dragons table-top player named Joey Wottanewski, who believes himself to be an ancient barbarian hero whenever he consumes large quantities of Mountain Dew. Alongside his trusty companion Grippy (real name Kevin), Grabnar thrusts himself into battle with his signature war cry - a deranged, high pitched yell - to save his "pretend girlfriend" Jennie (a "Level 2 Necromancer" whom he believes to be named Princess Katpower) from the clutches of the evil Phil, who blames Grabnar for the loss of his left eye (NOTE: In official X-Play canon, Grabnar the Wanderer is actually Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve's favorite television show).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6007
Performed by: Grabnar/Joey (Michael Leffler), Princess Katpower/Jennie (Emily Mollenkopf), Grippy/Kevin (Paul Bonanno), Phil (Matt Keil)
  • Gramps: An elderly British gentleman (possibly modeled after Masterpiece Theatre host Alistair Cooke) who appears in the Dramatic Readings of Instruction Manuals skits, where he reads from old video game manuals as if they were great works of historic literature. But despite his classy exterior, he will end each reading with a remarkably crass or obscene observation (past examples have included jokes about Magic Johnson's health and keeping a Vietnamese boy locked in his basement). The character is never named on the show, but a description on one of the videos on G4TV's website calls him Gramps.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Unknown
  • Joey Greedo: see Emperor
  • "Doreen Green": see "Squirrel Girl"
  • Griefer: An unidentified online gamer whose self-proclaimed sole purpose is to "make life hell for anyone unlucky enough to be playing with him [by] frustrating others during a multiplayer game" [3]. Adam and Morgan interviewed the Griefer on several occasions to learn his secret methods of disrupting online play and stymying other gamers.
First Appearance: Episode No. 106
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Matt Keil
  • Shad Grimgravy: A very special "news correspondent" (actually Adam in a skin-tight black leotard with wig and fake moustache), who uses a high-pitched voice ("SHOCKING! MOTHER!") and trumped-up vocabulary ("fortuneless flunkies of frugality") to tackle various issues in the gaming world. Past examples of his exposes have included violence in video games, Japanese-to-English language translations in games, "edutainment" games, the wonders of Tokyo, the Dance Dance Revolution phenomenon, and Flash games created by companies (such as Hershey's and Frito-Lay) to tempt potential customers to visit their websites.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Adam Sessler
  • Grippy: see Grabnar the Wanderer
First Appearance: Episode No. 5040
Performed by: Unknown
  • Gudrun: see Valkyries
  • "Guildenstern": see "Hamlet"
  • "Guilty Pleasures" Adam: Decked out in a red smoking jacket, growing a blonde mustache, and speaking in a raspy voice reminiscent of Harvey Fierstein, this "version" of Adam encourages the viewer to embrace those video games of "ill repute, ones you'd never display on your shelf or take home to momma."
First Appearance: Episode No. 7022
Performed by: Adam Sessler
  • The Guitar Heroes: Two of the most "influential" guitar players to ever sign with (the fictitious) X-Play Records, Fidel Shedfish and Bootay van Wah have compiled a list of hits that includes Mother, This Heroin Seems Broken; Would it Be Weird if I Kissed Your Dad!?; I Came for the Schnitzel and Left with the Gout; I'm Teaching My Mouse to Fly; San Quentin Love Song; and My Clown's On Fire.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6123 (Fidel Shedfish), Episode No. 7040 (Bootay van Wah)
Performed by: Fidel Shedfish (Mark Fahey), Bootay van Wah (Guy Branum)
  • Guy In A Trench Coat: A character from the game No One Lives Forever, the guy in a trenchcoat (which the hosts frequently confuse with Dick Tracy and Inspector Gadget) appeared briefly in the original opening credits for X-Play. When the show moved to Los Angeles and everyone had to say goodbye to the old set, a large cardboard cutout of "Guy In A Trench Coat" was included in the list of things that Adam and Morgan bid farewell to. "Guy In A Trench Coat" became a symbolic figure for the spirit of change and growth that X-Play would have to undergo during the switch to G4TV programming (NOTE: Before G4TV had the new X-Play set ready, the show produced a "low-budget" version of the old intro, where Adam actually puts on a yellow raincoat and impersonates "Guy In A Trench Coat").
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Unknown

"H" Characters

  • HAL-2600: A parody of the fictional computer from the movie 2001 (only built from an old Intellivision system), this robot tries to help Adam with his reviews of space-themed games, but invariably ends up "killing" him instead (including trying to suffocate him and shooting him point-blank with a gun).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6095
Performed by: voice of X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings
First Appearance: Episode No. 20100429
Performed by: "Hamlet" (Unknown), "King Hamlet" (Unknown), "Claudius" (voice of Paul Bonanno), "Gertrude" (Unknown), "Ophelia" (Unknown), "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern" (Unknown)
  • Ratty Handpuppet: see Puppet, Ratty
  • Hanzo and Musashi: A pair of ancient samurai who appear on the fictitious game show Samurai Shodown, hosted by Brock Nathensen. Hanzo ends up defeating Musashi, and therefore, Musashi is forced to commit hara-kiri by disembowling himself while Hanzo beheads him. Hanzo appears in two more skits later in the episode. (NOTE: The names of these two characters are references to historical figures Hattori Hanzō and Miyamoto Musashi).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6028
Performed by: Hanzo (Rob LiCalsi), Musashi (Michael Leffler), Brock Nathanson (Adam Sessler), model (Morgan Webb)
  • "George Harrison": see "The Beatles"
  • Stumpy Hazleton: The senile, wheelchair-ridden X-Play video game historian. He's so old that he actually remembers ancient artifacts from the long-ago days of gaming, like the Sega Dreamcast.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5063
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno
  • Hells Angels: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team
  • Officer Hicks: see X-Play COPS
  • Hollywood Leffler: A stuck-up, self-involved member of the X-Play staff, who thinks that (just because he appears on a basic cable video-game review show) he's a big deal in the entertainment field.
First Appearance: Episode No. 7038
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • Hot Stuff Intern: see Interns
  • The Human Target: A lame gamer who auditioned for the Global Gaming League in hopes of winning a little cash or the heart of a hot girl gamer ... While not accomplishing those goals, he did wind up being proud of how many people fragged him in all of the various games.
First Appearance: Episode No. 175
Performed by: X-Play intern Kevin Theobald

"I" Characters

  • "I Need Drink" Girl: see The Drunk Writer
  • N. Inja: see That Ninja
  • Insane Intern: see Interns
  • The Interns: Various "incarnations" of the interns have morphed into recurring characters themselves, including The Screaming Intern, Eric the Shirtless Intern, Albert the Happy Intern, Hot Stuff Intern, The Insane Intern, The Female Intern, etc. etc.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Various
  • "O-Ren Ishii": see "Kill Bill" Morgan

"J" Characters

  • James [I]: see Spectre Mifflin staff
  • "James" [II]: see "Ketchum, Ash"
  • Janice: see Carmine, Dietrich
  • Jarvis: The official X-Play butler, who caters to Morgan's gaming needs by providing her with titles like Ratchet and Clank served on a silver platter (literally).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20100928
Performed by: Unknown
  • Ryan Jeffries: see Carmine, Dietrich
  • "Jessie": see "Ketchum, Ash"
  • "Jesus": Arguably the most controversial skit in X-Play history, the character of "Jesus" was portrayed in a fake film trailer for the apparent sequel to Mel Gibson's film The Passion of the Christ. Entitled Passion of the Christ 2: Judgement Day, the "film" portrayed Jesus coming down from the Cross, seeking revenge on those that had wronged him. Combining the characteristics of numerous action movie/television characters (including Jack Bauer, Ethan Hunt, Wolverine, and Vincent Vega) this parody of one of the most recognizable religious figures in history was - apparently - pulled from any future repeats due to viewer complaint.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6017
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno
  • "Jigglypuff": see "Ketchum, Ash"
  • Joe: see Reservoir Geeks
  • Officer Jones: see Warhammer Chainsaw Sword
  • Judgement Mole: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

"K" Characters

  • Princess Katpower: see Grabnar the Wanderer
  • Crumpet Katz: see Santa's Lawyers
  • Keldroc: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve
  • "Ash Ketchum": Combining "Cowboys & Aliens" with the "Pokémon" cartoon, this fictitious trailer (entitled Cowboys & Pokémon) re-imagines "Ash Ketchum" as a gritty Western anti-hero, who joins forces with "Team Rocket" to protect Celadon City from the evil Texas Sess and his gang of Pokémon ("Pikachu's coming and hell's coming with him!").
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110721
Performed by: "Ash Ketchum" (Blair Herter), "Jessie" (Morgan Webb), "James" (Unknown), Texas Sess (Adam Sessler), "Jigglypuff" (Unknown)
  • Kha'ak: see Ryder, Sledge
First Appearance: Episode No. 281
Performed by: The Bride (Morgan Webb), "O-Ren Ishii" (Chi-Lan Lieu), Gogo (Guy Branum)
  • Kilroy: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin
  • "KINECT": A self-aware version of the Xbox 360 peripheral, which is constantly watching Adam and tries to force him to play a game of Kinectimals (rather than Kirby's Epic Yarn) by threatening to post embarrassing footage of the X-Play host on the internet (like Adam ordering a hooker or doing his Jame Gumb impersonation); rather than give in, Adam simply puts a gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20101116
Performed by: Unknown
First Appearance: Episode No. 6024
Performed by: King Bosco (Eric Acasio), Rubber Bean (Mark Fahey), King Bosco's trainer (Jonathan Solin)
  • "King Hamlet": see "Hamlet"
  • "KITT": see Sess Rider
First Appearance: Episode No. 6092
Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio
  • Kong-Net: A parody of both the documentary King of Kong and the action movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day, this network of sentient Donkey Kong arcade cabinets - clearly modelled after the rogue Skynet - made its debut during a "trailer" for the fictitious film The King of Kong 2: the King, the Kong and the Ugly. According to the trailer, "Billy Mitchell" created Kong-Net in order to prevent anyone from ever again supplanting his high score in the classic arcade game, which his arch nemesis "Steve Wiebe" - supposedly - will accomplish with a kill screen run on August 27, 2024. Unfortunately, the system eventually became self-aware and created an army of robotic Mitchell duplicates, one of which was sent into the past to kill Wiebe before he ever achieved that high score in the first place; only an appearance by the "Terminator" T-101 cyborg could save Wiebe from this cruel fate (NOTE: This is the second time that X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler has portrayed the "Terminator" character, the first being a brief cameo in one of Adam Sessler's "hallucinations" during the "Trippiest Games of All Time" episode).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080530
Performed by: "Billy Mitchell" (Unknown), Young Steve Wiebe (Unknown), Steve Wiebe (Himself), "Terminator" (Michael Leffler), "Walter Day" (Unknown), "Brian Kuh" (Unknown), "Donkey Kong" (Unknown), "Pauline" (Unknown)
  • The Kook: see "The Breakfast Club"
  • Keevon Koziasku: The flamboyant X-Play fashion critic, introduced in the Movie Games Red Carpet Special episode.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6021
Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum
  • "Kratos": A parody of the main character from the God of War video games, who found life after his defeat of Ares to be very boring; he tried killing other lesser deities - or, as X-Play called them, the "third string roster of the Greek pantheon" - in an attempt to fill the void (including "Bacchus", the God of Stagnant Pools, the Goddess of Warm Beers, the God of Sock Puppets, the God of Canada - who was, in fact, Guy LaFleur - and the God of Snore) but grew disenchanted with the whole thing after finding out that the God of Chaos was actually an adorable little puppy (which still didn't stop him from killing it). Seeking other challenges, "Kratos" would try his hand at being an X-Play intern (he was quickly fired when Morgan caught him destroying an Xbox), appearing on a dating show - oddly reminiscent of Blind Date - called First Date (he frightened off "Aphrodite" after describing a rather graphic encounter with a Gorgon), and was even busted by the X-Play Cops for a domestic disturbance complaint (where it was revealed that "Princess Zelda" may be carrying his baby).
First Appearance: Episode No. 5087
Performed by: Kratos (The Great Corrado), Bacchus (Guy Branum), God of Stagnant Pools (Robert Manuel), Goddess of Warm Beers (Unknown), God of Snore (Paul Bonanno), God of Chaos (Unknown), Aphrodite (Unknown), Princess Zelda (Unknown)
  • Krillius: see Spectre Mifflin staff
  • "Brian Kuh": see Kong-Net

"L" Characters

First Appearance: Episode No. 6008
Performed by: X-Play intern coordinator Robert Manuel
  • Guy LaFleur, aka Canadian Guy: Although there seems to be no relation to the famous hockey player of the same name, this portly French Canadian is still a great fan of the game, known for his catchphrase "Oui oui oui, I love zee hockey!". During one segment, Canadian Guy was (allegedly) shot by hockey great Wayne Gretzky, but he appears to have recovered nicely (in a later episode, Morgan herself may have inadvertently confessed to the shooting).
First Appearance: Episode No. 310
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin
  • "Lennie": see "George" and "Lennie"
  • "John Lennon": see "The Beatles"
  • Leroy: see Automatic Review Robot 3000
  • Li'l T-Bag: An urban wanna-be who hosts the segment Pimp My Character, Li'l T-Bag seems to think that the only way to properly upgrade an RPG character is to give them "a bigger booty". He was fired after his first appearance during the Stella Deus review.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5055
Performed by: X-Play intern coordinator Robert Manuel
  • Little Fluffy Kittens: A collection of still pictures of adorable kittens (most likely collected from the internet) that are often used to cover up particularly graphic depictions of gore and violence during reviews of certain M-rated games (such as Resident Evil 4 and BloodRayne). These pictures will often be accompanied by "meow"-ing sound effects, which Morgan will describe as "oh, so cute."
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: None
  • Little John: see Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang
  • Marvin Littleton: Supposedly, this is a young X-Play viewer who sends detailed (and very disturbing) letters to his favorite show, which are recreated in animated form during a segment entitled Game Dreamer. In the first "episode", Marvin wishes that the game Assassin's Creed existed in real life, while revealing that his mother forced him to stab one of her "special friends" after he passed out.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080321
Performed by: Unknown

"M" Characters

  • "Juno MacGuff": A dual parody of the main character from the film Juno and the World of Warcraft series of commercials featuring celebrities discussing the virtues of the character classes they play in the game (here dubbed World_Of_Warcrack.Com).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080227
Performed by: Unknown
  • The Mac Gamer: In a parody of the Get a Mac ad campaign, the X-Play writers came up with a fictitious video game console called the Apple iBox. The iBox is represented by the Mac Gamer (modelled after Justin Long's portrayal of a Mac), while his counterpart is the Sony Gamer. The Mac Gamer is amused that the Sony Gamer would bother with such things as "wires" and "controllers"; the iBox is just a box, and he likes it that way. When the Sony Gamer asks him how you're supposed to actually play the iBox, the Mac Gamer (after giving him a confused look) proudly proclaims that he thinks "that's part of the game".
First Appearance: Episode No. 6062
Performed by: Unknown
First Appearance: Episode No. 7031
Performed by: Adam Sessler
  • "Captain John 'Soap' MacTavish": see "Cullen, Edward"
  • Madea Chief: A parody of the character Mable "Madea" Simmons, used in the skit Tyler Perry's Halo Family Reunion, which imagines what it would be like if Mr. Perry created a movie using characters from the Halo universe.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080118
Performed by: Unknown
  • Magic Psychic Girl: A lady wearing a wizard's hat, who won't actually speak but will let you know how she feels through telepathy ... and flipping the bird.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5088
Performed by: former X-Play head writer Blair Butler
  • "Magneto": see Stewart, Patrick
  • Majewski: A scrawny pitcher (first name unknown) who has a true love for the game of baseball ... until it's squeezed out by an overbearing coach (played by Adam Sessler) who tells him - among other things - that he slept with his mother.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6049
Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio
  • Man-Yuna: Also known by the derogatory term "Fat Yuna", this male (and overweight) cosplayer is fashioned after the Final Fantasy character Yuna. He (she?) is probably best known for giving Adam his first on-screen spanking (NOTE: This character may be in reference to the real-life male cosplayer known as Man-Faye).
First Appearance: Episode No. 233
Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum
  • Mario: A parody of the iconic Nintendo mascot, appearing in a fictional film trailer for a fictional horror movie entitled Mushroom Kingdom Massacre. Premiering during X-Play's one-hour Mario special (to coincide with their review of Super Mario Galaxy), the trailer features a group of teenagers who have stumbled into the Mushroom Kingdom (with a vandalized sign that has 'room' and 'dom' covered in black paint, and a red line through the picture of Mario), where they meet an old man who tells them that Mario was once a sweet innocent video game character ... until gamers humiliated him, preferring more violent titles like Grand Theft Auto and Gears of War. Mario took the whole thing personally and presumably decided to become more violent himself, going on a murderous rampage whose victims included his pet dinosaur (hung upside-down from a noose) and even his own brother (one of the teenagers discovers he's sitting next to Luigi's skeleton). The trailer ends with "Mario" delivering his classic catchphrase "It's-a me!" in his usual voice, before growling out his name and smashing the camera with a hammer (NOTE: X-Play featured another Mario parody, portrayed by a different actor, during their review of Mario Kart for the Wii).
First Appearance: Episode No. 7112
Performed by: Unknown
  • Flint Marko: see "Sandman"
  • Marvin: see Littleton, Marvin
First Appearance: Episode No. 5055
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Master Chief": The main protagonist of the Halo game series has appeared in numerous skits, including an expose on his shady past in pornography and a mock infomercial for the exercise video Teabag to Fitness with Master Chief.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Master Chief (Unknown), voice of Master Chief (Various)
  • "Paul McCartney": see "The Beatles"
  • Mousey McCheesepaws: see Glenn, John
  • Dane McKay: see Wallace, Clifton
  • Memory Card: A psychotic serial killer who would conceal his identity (in a parody of Billy the Jigsaw Puppet from the movie Saw) by speaking through a modified R.O.B. robot. During the 2006 Halloween episode, Memory Card kidnapped a number of G4TV hosts and put them through a series of tortuous deaths (Kevin Pereira had a Virtual Boy strapped to his head and played Wario Land until his eyes burned out of his skull, Zach Selwyn was cut in half by a combination DDR dancepad/beartrap, etc.); Adam and Morgan were both trapped in a room wearing modified Power Gloves that were rigged to explode after 30 minutes unless they listed the top ten scariest video games of all time. At the end of the episode, it was revealed that the person behind the "Memory Card" persona was actually Aquaman, who wanted revenge on X-Play for naming his Battle for Atlantis the worst game of all time.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6111
Performed by: R.O.B. (Unknown), Aquaman (Michael Leffler)
  • "Alex Mercer": It turns out that the main character from the game Prototype makes for a horrible roommate, as he's far better at killing people than he is at paying the rent on time.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081215
Performed by: "Alex Mercer" (Unknown), Gary (Unknown), Nate (Unknown), Doug (Unknown)
  • "Freddie Mercury": Adam's impersonation of the deceased Queen vocalist. During his review of the game Mercury Meltdown, Adam would display what he called a "real Mercury meltdown", by dressing up in stereotypical rocker attire and screaming nonsensically while performing "on stage."
First Appearance: Episode No. 6117
Performed by: Adam Sessler
  • "Mikey": see The "Teutuls"
  • "Bode Miller": A parody of the controversial alpine skier, who hosts his own talk show called Miller Time with Bode (which is just an excuse for him to get drunk and say incredibly stupid things).
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mark Fahey
  • "Billy Mitchell": see Kong-Net
  • Mo Pippy: A character well-versed in the hip hop lifestyle, who once challenged the X-Play interns to a "Hip-Hop Off".
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio
  • Moe and Ferdinand: Adam's two pet goldfish, whom he tries to converse with during the 2011 420 episode.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110420
Performed by: None
  • Mongoose: see Cobra and Mongoose
  • Monkey People: A group of sentient ape-men (whose appearance is similar to characters from the Planet of the Apes series of films) who are pumping G4TV hosts full of toxic psychotropic substances in order to test the effects on their mental state (with no long-term side effects other than testicular cancer).
First Appearance: Episode No. 7046
Performed by: Unnamed Head Scientist (Unknown), Nigel (Robert Manuel), George (Unknown)
  • Moonbeam: see "Cullen, Edward"
  • "Samara Morgan": Morgan's portrayal of the creepy long-haired girl from The Ring.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5101
Performed by: Morgan Webb
  • Morgan-Bot: see Sessler-Bots
  • Morgan-San and Adam-San: The fictitious hosts of X-Play Japan (actually two Asian actors dressed to look like the real Adam and Morgan, including a blonde wig for Adam-San). During the show's coverage of TGS '06, Adam and Morgan claimed that the international rights to X-Play had been bought by the Kino-Hara Corporation, a Japanese mega-conglomerate, and would now be re-tooled so as to be more appealing to the homeland audience (meaning a lot of bright nonsensical graphics and a guy in a panda suit, amongst other "changes"). There are even Japanese versions of other X-Play recurring characters: Guy LaFleur becomes Canada Man, Eric the Intern is now Shirt-No-Eric, and so forth.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6100
Performed by: Morgan-San (Unknown), Adam-San (Unknown), Assault Panda (Unknown), Judgement Mole (Unknown), Canada Man (Unknown), Drunken Link (Unknown), Shirt-No-Eric (Unknown), Angry Gentleman (Unknown)
  • "Mother Brain": A parody of the main villain from the Metroid series of games, presented as a pixelated cartoon (similar in style to the G4 series Code Monkeys) with a male voice and a bit of an attitude. "She" seems more intent on arguing with protagonist "Samus Aran" rather than killing her, but their conversations always end with Samus blowing "Mother Brain" away with a shot from her photon cannon.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081205
Performed by: "Mother Brain" (Unknown), "Samus Aran" (Unknown)
  • Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin: During their review of RPG Maker 3, the writers of X-Play decided to create their own RPG storyline, only fused with the show's unique brand of humor. Thus was born the epic adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin, an elderly couple sworn to protect the world from an evil portal to Hell created by the rock band Styx. During their quest, Bob and Silvia encounter Mr. Roboto (a robot who was turned into a monkey by the evil Dennis DeYoung) and have a singing contest with the monkey-robot king Kilroy. Silvia turns out to be the hero of the story, as Bob seems to do nothing more than complain that he has soiled himself ... While Morgan seems to think that this RPG storyline clearly proves that the people who work on X-Play are insane, Adam says that he would enjoy playing a "pants-crapping sidequest".
First Appearance: Episode No. 5121
Performed by: Bob Muffin (voice of Paul Bonanno), Silvia Muffin (voice of Blair Butler), Kilroy (Unknown)
  • Murderality: A parody of professional video-game players like Fatal1ty, this character is supposedly the top-ranked videogamer in the world, with championships in over 50 different games. However, it seems that the only way he can win is by cheating, as he threw a "live" rattlesnake at Adam during a demonstration match (NOTE: Apparently, the person playing the part of Murderality - a comedy writer from California named Irwin Handleman - had a very unpleasant experience during the shooting of this skit, as he explained in his blog that Adam and Morgan were difficult to work with).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6097
Performed by: Irwin Handleman
  • Musashi: see Hanzo and Musashi
  • "Mister Mxyzptlk": The infamous DC Comics super-villain once tried to trap Adam and Morgan in a "dream world", until they called comic-book aficionado Blair Butler and tricked Mxyzptlk into saying his name backwards (thus banishing him back to his home dimension).
First Appearance: Episode No. 7046
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno
  • Myth Crackers!: A parody of the MythBusters television program, meant to debunk various urban legends associated with video games. The Myth Crackers! consist of Nebil Flavian (a character who has also appeared in skits parodying nature shows like Wild Kingdom) and Don RonJon.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Nebil Flavian (Paul Bonanno), Don RonJon (Guy Branum)

"N" Characters

  • Chad Namor: A character cut from the official MvC3 roster, he is the second cousin of the more well-known Marvel mutant.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110215
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Naruto": see "Uzumaki, Naruto"
  • Nate: see "Mercer, Alex"
  • Brock Nathensen: see Hanzo and Musashi
  • Mr. Nemesis: A guy wearing a mask based on the "Nemesis" character from Resident Evil 3, who temporarily worked for X-Play as a production assistant.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: former X-Play executive producer Peter Hammersley
  • Nigel: see Monkey People
  • Ninja: see Cyborg Pirate
  • The X-Play Ninja: see That Ninja
  • Ninja Morgan: A ninja that Adam meets during his trip to Japan and the "Ninja Restaurant".
First Appearance: Episode No. 5101
Performed by: Morgan Webb
  • None of Your Business: see Evil Paul
  • David Nyman: A zombie who works for accounts payable as a senior associate in an unnamed office building. He died while being trampled at a Wham! concert, but was allowed to return to work, and now appears in public service announcements for the American Association for the Undead to better promote understanding and tolerance for his people (hence the PSA's tagline, Zombies ... They're People Too... Dead People).
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

"O" Characters

  • X-Play Office Monkey: Not to be confused with Spencer the Helper Monkey, this simian (actually Michael Leffler wearing rubber monkey gloves while the camera shoots from a first-person perspective) was originally a gift to Morgan to help around the X-Play studios, but she decided to send it back after it began causing too much trouble ... like flinging its feces at Adam.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • "Ophelia": see "Hamlet"
  • "Otacon": see "Solid Snake"

"P" Characters

  • Sleaze Paladino: The alter ego of X-Play supervising producer JP Shub, this "real rock star" is the lead guitarist for the band Thunderdikk ... Also, he really doesn't like Guitar Hero: On Tour for the Nintendo DS.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090701
Performed by: X-Play supervising producer JP Shub
  • Perry Pate: The leader of Madden Boot Camp, where gamers go to transform from "wanna-be crybaby noobs" and learn "how to play the fundamentals and how to get what it takes to become a champion about Madden NFL 09" (NOTE: The name "Perry Pate" is a parody of the main character from the Terry Tate: Office Linebacker series of TV commercials).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081003
Performed by: Lester Speight
  • "Paul Jr.": see The "Teutuls"
  • "Paul Sr.": see The "Teutuls"
  • "Pauline": see Kong-Net
  • Peanut: A Jack Russell puppy that had an entire episode dedicated to him.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Attack of the Show producer Avi Adir's dog Peanut
  • Tom Peterson: see "Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts
  • Marque Phahee: X-Play's resident guitar player, whose credits include On the X-Play Boards and the closing theme to X-Play's Holidays for the Homeland Special.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5053
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mark Fahey
  • Phil: see Grabnar the Wanderer
  • Officer Pike: see Warhammer Chainsaw Sword
  • Mr. Pink: see Reservoir Geeks
  • Johnny Placement: A creation of the show for their Dirty Gaming Jobs comedy skit, Johnny is first shown as an "exploding barrel" deliveryman within the Half-Life 2 universe (where he makes trouble for the enemy AI by leaving his explosive cargo in places around the base where players can easily find them and - obviously - shoot them until they explode). Johnny is later shown as the fictitious character in Donkey Kong who places those hammers around the construction site that Mario can use to smash barrels.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20101221
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Daniel Plainview": A dual parody of the main character from the film There Will Be Blood and the World of Warcraft series of commercials featuring celebrities discussing the virtues of the character classes they play in the game (here dubbed World_Of_Warcrack.Com).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080227
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • Big Earl Plumpkin: A self-described "country bumpkin", this guy loves nothing more than performing karaoke to the tune of his favorite country songs.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6048
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mark Fahey
  • "Prince": A parody of the famous musician, who (according to X-Play) would rather play with real diamonds and pearls than play Pokémon Diamond and Pearl, but does enjoy a game of Prince of Persia: Rival Swords while sitting in the bathtub.
First Appearance: Episode No. 7061
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno
  • The Princess: see "The Breakfast Club"
  • The X-Play Prisoners: Two inmates serving jail time for unspecified crimes against humanity. The bigger one is obviously the more dominant and violent of the two, as he gives advice to disgraced Enron executives Jeffrey Skilling and Kenneth Lay on the best games to play in prison, while simultaneously abusing his cellmate (including stabbing him with a shiv fashioned out of a PSP and - apparently - raping him).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6069
Performed by: Guy Branum and Paul Bonanno
  • Ratty Puppet: A foul-mouthed groundhog hand puppet (possibly inspired by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog), known for the phrases "oh snap!", "suck it bitches!" and a drawn out "damn!". During his many appearances on the program, Ratty has shown an ability to control The Force, has revealed his Jewish heritage, and was more than willing to gnaw Adam Sessler's head off at the drop of a hat (NOTE: Ratty's full name has been identified as Ratty Handpuppet on certain episodes, or just plain Ratty the Puppet, but the most consistent spelling of his name has been Ratty Puppet).
First Appearance: Episode No. 5009
Performed by: voice of X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

"Q" Characters

None currently

"R" Characters

  • Manual 'The Peach' Ramirez: Featured during a skit where the X-Play COPS pull over "Mario" for a possible DUI, this character is a wanted transvestite whom Mario mistook for his more-familiar princess.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080505
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno
  • Tad Rando: see X-Play COPS
  • Ratty the Puppet: see Puppet, Ratty
  • Raoul: see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan
  • The "RE4 Merchant": Supposedly the same character from the popular video game, who haunted and annoyed the cubicles of the X-Play offices with his constant queries of "What're ya buyin'?" and "What're ya sellin'?", until Morgan shot him with a gun that - ironically - she had just purchased from him (apparently, the merchant was able to survive the shooting and accepted the award for Game of the Year on behalf of RE4 in the "Best Games of 2005" episode).
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Matt Keil
  • Rebecca: see Mr. Altair
  • Redshirt: see Webb, Vulcan
  • Reservoir Geeks: A parody of the opening scene from the movie Reservoir Dogs, where Adam and Morgan (along with several other X-Play staff members) are wearing dark suits and sitting around a table while discussing how Madonna's song Like a Virgin relates to video games (Morgan wishes Adam would stop playing his Game Boy Advance during the conversation, while Adam remains adamant that he is going to "do whatever the hell he wants" with it).
First Appearance: Episode No. 281
Performed by: Joe (Adam Sessler), Mrs. White (Morgan Webb), Mr. Brown (Jason Cheung), Mr. Blonde (Shane Satterfield), Mr. Pink (Matt Keil)
  • Mistletoe Reuben: see Santa's Lawyers
  • Rick: see Flappy Jaws
  • Mr. Roboto: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin
  • Rodney: Known as X-Play's "very special intern" (although whether he's actually an intern or just thinks he's one is open for debate), Rodney is the stereotypical "mentally challenged" person. He wears wrestling headgear and enjoys "playing Xerox" (unnecessarily printing blank paper from the office Xerox machine).
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play executive producer Wade Beckett
  • Roger "The Stan Lee Experience": The "5th best thing" to having the actual Stan Lee, this foul-mouthed, perverted character is trotted out whenever X-Play needs (but doesn't bother to get) the real Lee's insight into the latest Marvel Comics-licensed game. Roger's segments normally consist of him standing in front of a brick wall (as if doing a stand-up comedy routine) and describing the details of various "adult" encounters he has experienced (usually involving the wife of Marvel veteran Jack Kirby), with each encounter somehow leading to the creation of a well-known Marvel character. For example, during the X-Play Spiderman-themed episode, Roger discusses the time that he was working on Howard the Duck No. 22 - the one where he gets testicular cancer - when he passed out whilst performing autoerotic asphyxiation with Kirby's wife ... and that's where he came up with the ending for The Infinity Gauntlet (NOTE: The concept of the "Stan Lee Experience" most likely came about as a parody of the "Real Kramer").
First Appearance: Episode No. 5091
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • Don RonJon: see Myth Crackers!
  • "Rosencrantz": see "Hamlet"
  • Rubber Bean: see King Bosco and Rubber Bean
  • Sledge Ryder and the Kha'ak: Sledge Ryder is an X-Play special news correspondent who kept Adam and Morgan up to date on the impending invasion of San Francisco by an alien race known as the Kha'ak (from the video game X³: Reunion) ... Of course, since the X-Play writers are known to "work blue" from time to time (and the word "Kha'ak" is pronounced exactly how you think it is), the aliens were depicted as ten-story-tall cardboard cutouts of the male genitalia (blurred out to skirt the censors, of course).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6036
Performed by: Sledge Ryder (Paul Bonanno)

"S" Characters

  • Mr. Sackman: The abusive father of Sackboy, the main character from LittleBigPlanet. Playing the role of the stereotypical "stage father", Mr. Sackman forces his son into the video-game business in order to satisfy his own unfulfilled dreams of media stardom.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081106
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Sergeant Gary 'Roach' Sanderson": see "Cullen, Edward"
First Appearance: Episode No. 7067
Performed by: Ed Lamanna
  • Santa's Lawyers: A pair of elves from the North Pole named Mistletoe Reuben and Crumpet Katz, who appear during X-Play's 2006 holiday special to perform an "audit" against Adam and Morgan for not spreading enough "Christmas cheer". The two co-hosts are spared the elves' damning legalese when the Tricycle of Kwanzaa arrives and announces that he has initiated a hostile takeover of "Santa's umbrella corporation".
First Appearance: Episode No. 6131
Performed by: Mistletoe Rubin (Joel Rubin), Crumpet Katz (Louie Katz), Tricycle of Kwanzaa (voice of Guy Branum)
  • Joshua Sark Sr.: see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers
  • "Sasquatch": A character cut from the official MvC3 roster, he was the former leader of the super hero team Alpha Flight, but was rejected for being Canadian.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110217
Performed by: Unknown
  • Sat'an: The villain of X-Play: The Musical, who tempts Adam and Morgan into signing a contract to create a video game based on their show, by promising them power and fame and fortune (and matching panda bears). The deal goes horribly wrong, however, when the game turns out to be "possessed" by an evil fetus-like creature ... Realizing the error of their ways, Adam and Morgan destroy the game and give it a one out of five, but not before Sat'an executes an escape clause in the contract, making himself millions of dollars in the process (NOTE: The Sat'an character returned in a later episode, marking the release of Wrath of the Lich King, by offering to help Morgan clear a Level 100 epic quest in exchange for her immortal soul. This version of the character was portrayed by a different actor, and assumed a more traditional devilish look of red skin and black horns. Also, it was revealed that Sat'an had previously revealed himself to Morgan under the name Tammy, when he slept with her ex-boyfriend and then twittered about it the following day).
First Appearance: Episode No. 7015
Performed by: Sat'an (Unknown), Billy the Newspaper Boy (Jonathan Mann, AKA GameJew), Doctor (Mike Shaw), The X-Play Creature (Paul Bonanno)
  • Scratch: The twin brother of Sniff, who acts about as shady as Sniff does. However, instead of an affinity for sniffing things, Scratch prefers to (obviously) scratch things ... specifically, scratching some mad beats out.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6051
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin
  • Screaming Intern: see Interns
  • Secret Agent Steve: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090304
Performed by: Sess Rider (Adam Sessler), "KITT" (Unknown)
  • Lando Sessler: see Darth Fanboy
  • "Mrs. Sessler": Adam's dear sweet mother (you can really see the family resemblance), who has absolutely no respect for his job as a video-game reviewer, and is disappointed in just about everything that Adam has ever done (NOTE: She speaks with a Jewish accent, although Adam's actual religious affiliations - if any - are unknown).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6092
Performed by: Adam Sessler
First Appearance: Episode No. 6110
Performed by: None
  • Sharon: see Automatic Review Robot 3000
  • Shirt-No-Eric: see Morgan-San and Adam-San
  • Shirtless Eric: see Interns
  • Sigrid: see Valkyries
  • Silvia: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin
  • "Sin-Eater": A character cut from the official MvC3 roster, who also goes by his alter-ego Stanley Carter.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110216
Performed by: Unknown
  • Skip [I]: see Mr. Altair
  • Skip [II]: The head instructor for the Xbox Live New Member Orientation class, which teaches prospective Xbox Live users important information, such as picking a gamertag and using the Vision camera to "take pictures of your junk."
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080423
Performed by: Unknown
  • Slappy the Fish: see Slippy the Fish and Slappy the Fish
  • Slippy the Fish and Slappy the Fish: Real red snappers who play "cousins" and are (supposedly) good friends with Adam ... which didn't stop him from deep-frying and eating both of them (NOTE: Another fish claiming to be Slippy made an appearance during Adam's birthday celebration, but the identity of the fake fish - possibly a trout - is currently unknown).
First Appearance: Episode No. 141 (Slippy), Episode No. 5026 (Slappy)
Performed by: None
  • Elizabeth "Lizzie" Smelter: see Wallace, Clifton
  • Sniff: A shady looking, paranoid individual whose nose is always covered in white powder (the implication being that it is cocaine, but this is never stated), and who sniffs and snorts anything he sees.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin
  • "Solid Snake": An obese parody of the popular Metal Gear Solid character, who was given the very dangerous assignment of retrieving a codec containing Russian nuclear secrets disguised as a snow globe; due to a clerical error, the snow globe was sent to an office-supply company in Pittsburgh. Discussing his assignment with "Otacon" over wireless radio communication, it was specifically stated that Snake was not to harm anyone and to avoid detection, but his ample girth proved to make the latter objective nigh-impossible (hiding behind walls and under cardboard boxes did little to conceal his figure). Therefore, he was forced to shoot several employees (even though he later lied when reporting back to Otacon and said that no one was hurt).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6137
Performed by: Solid Snake (Guy Branum), Otacon (Unknown)
  • Sony Gamer: see The Mac Gamer
  • Sparkle: see "Cullen, Edward"
  • Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve: Characters from X-Play's machinima series, Splinter Cell Co-op Theater (using gameplay footage taken from Chaos Theory and later Conviction). The two fictitious agents - particularly Steve - are totally inept, and can usually be found discussing the movie Bareback Mountain or verbally harassing their female contact Stacey, rather than completing their objective (NOTE: In the first edition of Splinter Cell Co-op Theater, the two characters actually have different names highlighted at the bottom of the screen ... Steve - wearing the blue goggles - is labelled "Bob", and Bob - in the red goggles - is named "Keldroc").
First Appearance: Episode No. 5038
Performed by: Bob (voice of Jason Cheung), Steve (voice of Matt Keil), Stacey (Unknown)
  • Spectre Mifflin staff: Characters from a skit entitled The Office: Mass Effect Edition, which parodies both the popular US television series and the Xbox 360 title. It follows the exploits of a Turian regional manager named Krillius and his employees at Spectre Mifflin Inc., whose sole purpose is to "protect the Citadel from legal repurcussions resulting from the Spectre's actions."
First Appearance: Episode No. 20080114
Performed by: Krillius (Paul Bonanno), James the salesman (Unknown), Ashley the secretary (Unknown), Dwayne the assistant to the regional manager (Unknown)
  • Spencer the Helper Monkey: As the name implies, Spencer is a helper monkey that the staff of X-Play hired out for the day to try and make their lives easier ... unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way, as the episode ends with Spencer killing Adam and Morgan (off-screen) with a knife.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5075
Performed by: Spencer Monkey
  • Sam Spook, Paranormal Investigator: A 1950s-style private detective in the mold of Sam Spade (in actuality, this is a character from the game Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner, with creative voice acting supplied by the cast of X-Play).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6108
Performed by: voice of X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno
  • "Squirrel Girl": A character cut from the official MvC3 roster, this female superhero (alter ego Doreen Green) was rejected after it was discovered that she had rabies.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110217
Performed by: Unknown
  • Stabby: Blair Herter's pet unicorn, revealed during the review for Wii Fit Plus.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20091022
Performed by: None
  • Stacey: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve
  • Starkiller: see Emperor
  • "Ringo Starr": see "The Beatles"
  • Steroid-Enhanced Morgan: After Morgan takes some Cherry Flavored Children's Chewable Steroids to up her game (just like the pros do), we are left with this muscle-bound behemoth in a wig who throws his (her?) weight around the X-Play offices.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5013
Performed by: The Great Corrado
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110215
Performed by: Unknown
  • Reggie Stevens: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team
  • Brad Stevenson: During their review of The Cube, the X-Play staff discovered that the puzzle game's signature blocks were actually controlled by people rolling around inside of the cubes. Brad Stevenson, a self-described "block jockey", granted them an exclusive look inside his line of work.
First Appearance: Episode No. 7062
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Patrick Stewart": A parody of the famous British actor, who believes that all video games should be exclusive for the N-Gage (this is a play on words of Stewart's catchphrase "Engage!" from his role as Captain Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation). The "Patrick Stewart" character (known for his terrible bald wig and cheesy English accent) has also been portrayed in the role of Professor X from the X-Men films (he is shown in the famous "chess playing scene" with Magneto - voiced by Michael Leffler - only they play more "kid-friendly" games like Connect Four and Hungry Hungry Hippos).
First Appearance: Episode No. 5031
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin
  • "Cloud Strife": see Cyborg Pirate
  • "Sub-Zero": see "Superman"
  • Mrs. Sub-Zero: see "Superman"
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081117
Performed by: "Superman" (Unknown), "Sub-Zero" (Unknown), Mrs. Sub-Zero (Unknown)
  • Susie: see Cobra and Mongoose
  • Officer Sykes: see X-Play COPS

"T" Characters

  • Bill Tanner: see "Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts
  • "Jake Tapper": A parody of the senior White House correspondent, this character was used in a skit featuring footage from Barack Obama's primetime press conference held in April 2009 (where the President's comments about the potential swine flu epidemic were made to appear as if he were addressing the spread of a deadly strain of the "Madden Curse"); Tapper questioned the President as to whether or not he believed the "Madden Curse" was a type of "enchantment spell".
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090727
Performed by: "Jake Tapper" (Unknown), Unnamed Reporter (Unknown), Unnamed Female Reporter (Unknown), Infected Madden Fan (Unknown), Secret Service Agent 1 (Unknown), Secret Service Agent 2 (Unknown), Secret Service Agent 3 (Unknown)
  • Billie Jo Tasker: see Unemployed Ninja
  • Telly The FCC Standards & Practices Vole: A prudish rodent with a monocle and pimp hat who is always on the lookout for FCC standards violations.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5016
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Terminator": see Kong-Net
  • The "Teutuls": A parody of the TV show American Chopper (entitled American Console) featuring Paul Sr., Paul Jr., and Mikey as they work on upgrading video game consoles for various celebrity clients (for example, the parody opens with Paul Jr. modifying a Nintendo GameCube for Bob Saget).
First Appearance: Episode No. 6110
Performed by: Paul Sr. (Guy Branum), Paul Jr. (Eric Acasio), Mikey (Robert Manuel)
  • Texas Sess: see "Ketchum, Ash"
  • That Ninja: A take-off on the classic piece of Metal Gear Solid dialogue, "Hey, you're that ninja!" ... The X-Play Ninja has been known to sneak silently throughout the X-Play studios, causing his own unique brand of mayhem, such as changing the script to reflect more ninja-themed situations and shooting both Adam and Morgan with tranquilizer darts (NOTE: A Post-it note seen in the ninja's cubicle would indicate that his real name is actually N. Inja).
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: X-Play segment producer David A. Lockhart
  • "Flash Thompson": A character cut from the official MvC3 roster, he hates it when people call him by his first name, Eugene.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110216
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Jack Thompson": This parody of the infamous anti-gaming disbarred Florida attorney (who has appeared several times on Attack of the Show!) made his X-Play debut reading the news during the Gaming Update. Of course, he couldn't help editorializing, claiming (among other things) that video games caused the crash of US Airways Flight 1549.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090205
Performed by: X-Play script consultant Ross Beeley
  • THS Adam: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team
  • THS Blair: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team
  • THS Morgan: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team
  • Thumbless Ted: An avid gamer who lost both thumbs in separate incidents at the 1998 E3 event - first, he was going to try out the new game The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, when another gamer grabbed at the N64 controller and pulled it out of his hand so violently that his right thumb went along with it. Then, as Ted staggered outside, a rabid fanboy was running down the street with a pair of scissors (claiming that he had cut off a lock of Hironobu Sakaguchi's hair) and accidentally snipped off the other thumb. He later dies after entering a stickshift car, not being able to change gears.
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Ted (Michael Leffler), Younger Ted in "dramatic re-enactment" (Robert Manuel)
  • Ryu Tierzo: Six-time defending sumo champion, who challenges (and defeats) Adam in a match during X-Play's trip to Japan.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5101
Performed by: Unknown
First Appearance: Episode No. 7034
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • "Tim": see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers
  • Timmy: The star of the fictional X-Play Orientation Video (Reel 1 of 214), which is meant to help first-time employees get acquainted with their new duties. The skit is portrayed in the style of educational films of the early 1950s, and shows Timmy performing various tasks on his first day at work in the X-Play offices - holding game controllers for Adam (so he doesn't develop calluses), performing forbidden acts of dark magic for Morgan (since she is really a 3826-year-old Sumerian who requires the sacrificial offering of innocent blood to the god Baal in order to stay young and beautiful), and participating in the stress-relieving activity of office NERF combat.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20090204
Performed by: Unknown
First Appearance: Episode No. 7124
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin
  • TK-431: see Calrissian, Adam
  • TK-516: see Calrissian, Adam
  • Adam Toht: see Webb, Indiana
  • Crazy Adam Trampleton: A stereotypical Southerner in charge of Crazy Adam's Discount Warehouse and Import Emporium, which offers Japanese import games (such as Zombies Vs. Ambulance, Heavy Metal Thunder and Women's Swim Meet) at "LOW LOW PRICES!!!" (NOTE: This is most likely a parody of commercials for the old Crazy Eddie chain of electronics stores).
First Appearance: N/A
Performed by: Adam Sessler
  • Tricycle of Kwanzaa: see Santa's Lawyers
  • The TV Host: see "The Breakfast Club"

"U" Characters

  • Ulala Morgan: Morgan's "homage" to the main character from the game series Space Channel 5, which she debuts during her review of Space Channel 5: Ulala's Cosmic Attack for the GBA. Decked out in a purple wig and orange miniskirt, Morgan wanders around the TechTV offices while playing the game (dancing and gesticulating loudly the entire time). Much to Morgan's chagrin, her enthusiasm for the character merely ends up annoying her fellow co-workers (Adam throws a Tux plush doll at her to get her to shut up, while producer Matt Keil, head writer Blair Butler, and former web producer Leticia Caparaz can't figure out whether she's supposed to be impersonating RuPaul or a tramp).
First Appearance: Episode No. 140
Performed by: Morgan Webb
  • Unemployed Ninja: Not to be confused with That Ninja, the Unemployed Ninja is "relieved" of his duties as a silent assassin, so he visits a temp agency in an attempt to find a new line of work. However, the new jobs that his case worker Billie Jo Tasker finds for him (including washroom attendant, coupon clipper, and MC for a ventriloquist act entitled Jeff 'n Jesus) do not end well, and the Unemployed Ninja eventually performs hari-kari on himself to avoid further humiliation. As he is dying, Billie Jo reminds him that he could've accepted a hug.
First Appearance: Episode No. 7023
Performed by: Unemployed Ninja (Eric Acasio), Unnamed Sensei (Jonathan Solin), Billie Jo Tasker (Heather Frank), Unnamed Bathroom Patron (Robert Manuel), Miss Bendova (Emily Mollenkopf), Unnamed Prosecutor (Casey Schreiner)
  • Ralph Urntable: see Wallace, Clifton
  • Ursula: see Valkyries
  • "Naruto Uzumaki": The X-Play staff have listed several reasons for their dislike of games based on the anime series Naruto (the fact that he's a ninja who wears a bright orange jumpsuit, his lame catchphrase "Believe it!", most of them are just average fighting games, etc etc). However, they must have uttered one negative comment too many, as the titular character himself (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) stormed onto the set and challenged Adam to a fight. Luckily, emergency co-host Blair Butler was able to chase him off with a rolled-up newspaper.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6094
Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

"V" Characters

  • The Valkyries: Appearing during X-Play's review of Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria, these female warriors (Sigrid, Gudrun, and Ursula) are using an online dating service to try and find some companionship before Ragnarök. We are also introduced to Harold Fargis, a normal-looking man who is just searching for someone to kill a family of frost giants living in his basement.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6089
Performed by: Sigrid (Emily Mollenkopf), Gudrun (Dana Vinson), Ursula (Jess Reed), Harold (Casey Schreiner)
  • Morgan von Vebb: A mad scientist with a deliberately bad German accent (NOTE: This character's last name was originally spelled "Webb", but in a 2006 re-broadcast of the Web of Destruction skit, the writers retroactively went back and changed her intro screen so that the last name is now spelled "Vebb" ... no reason for the spelling change has been given, although one can assume that it is meant to better convey Morgan's German-like pronunciation of the letter "W").
First Appearance: Episode No. 302
Performed by: Morgan Webb
  • "Principal Vernon: see "The Breakfast Club"
  • Viewtiful Adam: Adam dressed up as the character Viewtiful Joe.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6008
Performed by: Adam Sessler

"W" Characters

  • Bootay van Wah: see Shedfish, Fidel
  • Clifton Wallace: The lead anchorman for one of the cities being destroyed in the arcade game Rampage, who is discussing the devastation caused by the three monsters with Dane McKay (their resident professional on wildlife) when Ralph Urntable returns to human form and feigns ignorance of his actions (since he was in the form of a mindless wolf); however, when his girlfriend Elizabeth Smelter changes back from lizard to human form, he accuses her of knowing exactly what she was doing when she was hanging around with that big ape George.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20101220
Performed by: Clifton Wallace (Unknown), Dane McKay (Unknown), Ralph Urntable (Unknown), Elizabeth "Lizzie" Smelter (Unknown), George (Unknown)
  • Warhammer Chainsaw Sword: In anticipation for the release of Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine, Blair Herter receives a genuine chainsword in the mail, which he proceeds to incorporate into several mundane tasks (opening a can of soda, scratching his back, etc.) before developing a romantic relationship with the apparently sentient weapon ... Eventually, Blair and his new life partner attempt to cut a panda in half, when the FBI's "Anti Panda Dismemberment Task Force" (Officer Jones and Officer Pike) barge in to confiscate the sword. Blair attempts to resist, so the officers take him down in a hail of gunfire ... until he awakens to reveal that it was all a dream (although the chainsword still speaks to him).
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110921
Performed by: Warhammer Chainsaw Sword (None), Officer Jones (Unknown), Officer Pike (Unknown)
First Appearance: Episode No. 20110111
Performed by: Indiana Webb (Morgan Webb), Adam Toht (Adam Sessler), René Bleszinski (Cliff Bleszinski)
  • Morgan von Webb: see Vebb, Morgan von
First Appearance: Episode No. 20101119
Performed by: Vulcan Webb (Morgan Webb), "Lt. Commander Worf" (Tim Jennings), Redshirt (Unknown)
First Appearance: Episode No. 7010
Performed by: X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings
  • Mrs. White: see Reservoir Geeks
  • "Young Steve Wiebe": see Kong-Net
  • "Owen Wilson": A parody of the famous Hollywood actor who (supposedly) is dating Princess Katpower.
First Appearance: Episode No. 6133
Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler
  • Morgan Windu: see Darth Fanboy
  • "The Witch": A parody of the female zombie character from first-person shooter Left 4 Dead, who ends up eviscerating X-Play correspondent Blair Herter when he tries to hit on her.
First Appearance: Episode No. 20081208
Performed by: Unknown
  • "Wonder Girl": see Blastdong, Dirk
  • Lt. Commander Worf: see Webb, Vulcan
  • Joey Wottanewski: see Grabnar the Wanderer
  • WWE Adam and Morgan: Polygonal versions of the X-Play hosts, birthed using the WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2010 create-a-wrestler feature. The custom storyline devised for them consisted of Morgan defeating Melina for the WWE Divas Championship, only to find her car sabotaged in the backstage area afterwards, causing her to sustain injuries which led to her defeat in the subsequent rematch. It was ultimately revealed that Adam himself was the culprit, as he had rigged the car to explode in order to frighten Morgan into relinquishing her wrestling career and return to her co-hosting duties (ADAM: "Morgan! It was me! I wanted you to lose the title so you can [sic] back and do the show ... ").
First Appearance: Episode No. 20091026
Performed by: None

"X" Characters

  • "Professor Charles Xavier": see Stewart, Patrick
  • Johnny Xtreme: A loud caricature and personification of the extreme sport mentality prevalent among today's young people. His appearances on the show are often peppered with some of his colorful catchphrases (including "EXTREME!", "TO THE MAX!", and "IT'S GONNA PUNCH YOUR BALLS OFF!"). As an expression of how "extreme" he is, he occasionally feels the need to break a beer bottle over his crotch; normally after doing so, he encourages the person beside him to do the same, irrationally presenting them with the broken bottle and cheering them on with the phrase, "Yeah! Now you!" (NOTE: In the character's first on-screen appearance, the chyron introducing him spelled his last name as "Extreme"; in later appearances the extra "E" has been dropped).
First Appearance: March 2005 (voice), Episode No. 5031 (on-screen)
Performed by: X-Play co-producer Jason Cheung

"Y" Characters

  • Yu-Gi-Ho: see Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang
  • Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang: A group of youngsters who dress and talk like street-tough gangsta-rappers, only their specialty is playing Yu-Gi-Oh! card battle games. They eventually recruit Billy the Pokémon fan into their ranks, although just because he's "one of them" doesn't mean that he won't get a beat-down every now and then.
First Appearance: Episode No. 5113
Performed by: Little John (Albert Iskander), Unnamed Accomplice (Eric Acasio), The Yu-Gi-Ho (Alisa Chieves)

"Z" Characters

  • "Princess Zelda": see "Kratos"
  • Zombie: see Cyborg Pirate
  • Zombie Adam and Morgan: During the 2005 Halloween episode, the X-Play offices were over-run with a particularly nasty zombie infestation. Morgan eventually ended up getting bitten by one of the flesh eaters and - subsequently - took a bite out of Sessler (although Adam made a valiant effort to escape Zombie Morgan's clutches, fending her off with various stage props - including a fake lightsaber - to the tune of a Benny Hill-esque chase scene, before finally succumbing).
First Appearance: Episode No. 5115
Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb


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