Saturday Night Live animal sketches

"The Falconer" redirects here. For the John Cheever novel, see Falconer (novel).

This list includes write-ups for animal-themed recurring sketches that appeared on Saturday Night Live. The sketches are listed chronologically.

Character lists: Alphabetical and Chronological

Character articles:

• TV show sketches
• Weekend Update characters
• Musical sketches

The Killer Bees

The Killer Bees were the first characters to recur on SNL. According to a Lorne Michaels interview for the book Live From New York, "The only note we got from the network on the first show was 'Cut the bees.' And so I made sure I put them in the next show." The bees were played by all the repertory players at the time, who wore yellow and black horizontal stripes, wings, and overly springy antennae. Much of the humor from these scenes came out of puns or metaphors that had to do with well-known activities and body parts of bees.

Episodes featuring full sketches of The Killer Bees

• October 11, 1975 "Bee Hospital" - host: George Carlin
• October 25, 1975 "Bees Dramatic Scene" - host: Rob Reiner
• December 20, 1975 "Bee Capades" - host: Candice Bergen
• January 10, 1976 "The Killer Bees" - host: Elliott Gould
• October 2, 1976 "Killer Bees" - host: Eric Idle
• November 13, 1976 "Grandparent Bees" - host: Dick Cavett
• December 2, 1978 "Bad News Bees" - host: Walter Matthau

Additional appearances of The Killer Bees

• October 18, 1975 In a brief appearance, the bees come out after a performance by Randy Newman and host Paul Simon tells them that their sketch has been cut.
• November 8, 1975 John Belushi appears as a lone bee in host Candice Bergen's monologue.
• November 15, 1975 Garrett Morris, dressed as a bee, tells a story of another bee who had a brush with George Washington.
• January 17, 1976 "The Blues Bees" - John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd, as The Blues Brothers, perform "King Bee" dressed in bee outfits.
• January 24, 1976 "No Bees In This Show" - Scred, one of Jim Henson's Muppets wants to be in the show based on the fact that he came dressed as a bee, and can perform the popular quirks of the cast's characters.
• March 13, 1976 "Sherry's Bee" - Laraine Newman's recurring character, Sherry, is unhappy that she has been paired with a bee (John Belushi).

Landshark

Main article: Land Shark (Saturday Night Live)

The Landshark was the only recurring character Chevy Chase created during his time on SNL, although he often played the character when he would come back to host. Initially the Land Shark was created as a Jaws parody.^{[citation needed]} The shark would always prey on vulnerable women and the sketches began with a knock at the door from a stranger. The person inside would ask who it was, hesitant to answer the door for just anybody. The still unseen shark would usually begin by guessing the woman's name. When that did not work he would try a number of strategies like telling her he was delivering a parcel or a candy-gram. Eventually he would come up with something that would convince the person on the other side of the door to let him in, only to find that it had been a shark all along. By that time it would be too late, and the unsuspecting individual would be swallowed.

Episodes featuring The Land Shark

• November 8, 1975 host: Candice Bergen-Jaws II
• November 22, 1975 host: Lily Tomlin-Jaws III
• July 24, 1976 host: Louise Lasser-Monologue-The landshark, along with several other people try to get Louise out of her dressing room
• October 30, 1976 host: Buck Henry-Cold Opening-Halloween is over, but the shark goes trick-or-treating anyway
• May 21, 1977 host: Buck Henry-Charles Lindburg (Buck Henry) faces the landshark.
• February 18, 1978 host: Chevy Chase-The Landshark volunteers to give the last sketch a funny ending.
• September 25, 1982 host: Chevy Chase
• October 6, 2001 host: Seann William Scott-Weekend Update-The shark eats Tina Fey and says "Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow."

I Married A Monkey

The I Married A Monkey sketches were created by Tim Kazurinsky to remind the viewing public that the show was indeed live. He essentially played himself, working with the premise that he had married a chimpanzee named Madge in a bizarre soap opera world. There was a real chimp on stage, and some sketches featured their "children" played by baby chimps.

Kazurinsky felt that the show had become too polished, and felt that the idea would offer some unpredictability. He explained in Live From New York, "I did it because I knew something would screw up and people would see that it was live. People would ask me 'When do you tape the show?' No, it's called Saturday Night Live. It's live." He eventually decided to put a stop to the sketches when he realized the dangers chimpanzees posed when they got agitated.

Episodes Featuring I Married A Monkey

• April 11, 1981
• November 14, 1981
• February 6, 1982
• May 22, 1982
• March 19, 1983
• January 28, 1984

Ching Chang's Pet Chicken Shop

Dana Carvey played the character Ching Chang, a typical Asian-American stereotype whose only goal in life is to put his chickens in their own show on Broadway.

Toonces, The Driving Cat

Main article: Toonces the Driving Cat

Toonces was the family pet of Lyle (Steve Martin in the first sketch, thereafter by Dana Carvey) and Brenda Clark (Victoria Jackson). At first, they were delighted that their cat had the ability to drive, and then Toonces, for the first of many times, drove over a cliff. (This sequence was always characterized by some one in the car yelling in horror, "Toonces, look out!" with the Toonces puppet appearing to scream also, followed by stock footage of a car falling off a cliff, sometimes exploding.) Someone also usually said the line: "See! I told you he could drive...just not very well." It was written by writer and comedian Jack Handey.

Episodes featuring Toonces

• May 20, 1989 host: Steve Martin
• December 2, 1989 host: John Goodman
• February 10, 1990 host: Quincy Jones
• March 24, 1990 host: Debra Winger
• May 19, 1990 host: Candice Bergen
• November 17, 1990 host: Dennis Hopper
• November 16, 1991 host: Linda Hamilton
• April 11, 1992 host: Sharon Stone
• February 13, 1993 host: Alec Baldwin
• April 17, 1993 host: Kirstie Alley

Lenny the Lion

See entry: Lenny the Lion on Saturday Night Live characters appearing on Weekend Update.

Goat Boy

Goat Boy was a half human-half goat hybrid SNL character who hosted the fake MTV show, "Hey, Remember the 80s". He was played by Jim Breuer. At the outset, Goat Boy was a typical veejay/talk show host who would announce 80s video clips and introduce guests from the era. During the sketches, he would start braying and kicking and would be subdued by scientists standing by with electric prods.

Mr. Peepers

This article is about the Saturday Night Live sketch. For the 1950s situation comedy starring Wally Cox, see Mr. Peepers.

Mr. Peepers was a part monkey-part human character created and portrayed by Chris Kattan. His signature bits of physical comedy involved eating apples one after another in rapid succession, and spitting out the pieces machine gun style. Often he would spit the apple chunks directly at characters in the scene. His other physical act was dry humping other characters, with the recipient of the act getting reprimanded when they tried to push him off.

Mr. Peepers was first introduced as an animal act brought out by John Barbary (played by Tom Hanks) on a parody of The Tonight Show (with Darrell Hammond as Jay Leno). In an episode in the 25th season, "Papa Peepers" (played by The Rock) was revealed to be Mr. Peepers's father. Another memorable sketch was a parody of an episode of Dawson's Creek, featuring Katie Holmes as Joey, the character she played on that show.

Episodes featuring Mr. Peepers

• September 28, 1996: host Tom Hanks
• January 11, 1997: host Kevin Spacey
• March 15, 1997: host Sting
• November 15, 1997: host Claire Danes
• October 3, 1998: host Kelsey Grammer
• December 5, 1998: host Vince Vaughn
• November 20, 1999: host Jennifer Aniston
• December 11, 1999: host Danny DeVito
• March 18, 2000: host The Rock
• November 4, 2000: host Charlize Theron
• February 24, 2001: host Katie Holmes
• April 6, 2002: host Cameron Diaz

Additional Mr. Peepers appearances

On the Weekend Update segment of the May 17, 2003 episode, Chris Kattan performed a lightning-round montage of his most popular characters, and assumed the character of Mr. Peepers for a brief moment during that bit. It was the final episode of the 2002-2003 season, and also Kattan's last episode as a cast member.

Dog Show

Dog Show was an aptly titled parody of an Animal Planet show featuring people who are more than enamored with their dogs. It was hosted by Miss Colleen (Molly Shannon) and Mr. David Larry (Will Ferrell), a bizarre couple who were supposed to be married even though he was a homosexual ("Separate bedrooms, separate baths"). The two admit that they "don't like most people" but are extremely fond of dogs.

The sketch would open with David Larry banging on a snare drum, followed by the two hosts shouting "DOG SHOW!" The hosts would then introduce their dogs, "Mr. Rocky Balboa" and "Mr. Bojangles", (who was actually a female, but was given the title "Mr.", because as David Larry would point out, he is "playing a trick on her"), a pair of miniature dogs who were displayed dressed in costumes. Each sketch would introduce a guest to the "show", and often the hosts would have their dogs participate in things such as seances and weddings.

Brian Fellow's Safari Planet

Brian Fellow's Safari Planet was a recurring sketch on Saturday Night Live, featuring Tracy Morgan. The character premiered on May 15, 1999 and appeared ten times, with its last appearance on March 14, 2009.

The sketch consists of Brian Fellow (Morgan), a man with a sixth grade education, who is not a licensed zoologist, interviewing representatives from zoos, animal sanctuaries, or other wildlife centers who bring animals to his show.

Following a somewhat predictable pattern, Fellow asks bizarre, nonsensical questions of his guests, soon becomes angry with them (he seems to know nothing about animals and is extremely defensive when this is brought to light), and ends with him insulting them and/or asking them to leave. He often conceives an antipathy towards the animal that the guest brought, for no logical reason (when a parrot that had been taught to say "I'm Brian Fellow" as a tribute was brought onto the show, Brian angrily became convinced that the bird was trying to mock him and impersonate him.) Typically, while interviewing the next guest, Fellow has delusions that non-present or even imaginary characters (usually the animal that the first guest brought, and took when he or she left) are speaking to him in a vulgar manner; while the second guest is talking about his or her animal, Fellow will respond out loud to the imaginary conversation in his head, blurting out things like "I don't want to see your wiener!", "That bird better pray he don't mess up my credit!", or "No you won't punch my mom!" The current guest, of course, is completely confused. Often, after his usual incompetent inquiries, Brian will ask a legitimate, intelligent question about the animal, catching the guest off-guard. He typically follows that with his catch-phrase, "I'm Brian Fellow!" He also wears shiny clear lip gloss on the show, and acts effeminate. His usual response to anything a guest says is "That's crazy!" or, quite simply, "I'm Brian Fellow!"

Facts About Brian Fellow

• Brian Fellow was once bit by a snapping turtle. Ever since then, he seems to have an irrational fear of any kind of turtle.
• Brian Fellow was once attacked by a pigeon.
• Brian Fellow has a friend named Jessie, who fixes cars.
• Brian Fellow has a friend named Angel, who likes to name birds.
• Brian Fellow has a strange fear and hatred of goats.
• Brian Fellow has a clean mouth. There is no talk of the birds and the bees on his show, except when there are birds or bees, and sometimes, not even then.
• Brian Fellow has an Uncle Kool-Aid who often wears a big belt buckle.
• Brian Fellow does not like porcupines.
• Brian Fellow has a brother named Ryan Fellow.

Episodes Featuring Brian Fellow

• January 16, 1999 (on Weekend Update). Brian does a sports update.
• May 15, 1999 host: Sarah Michelle Gellar. Animals featured: Monkey, Box Turtle.
• February 17, 2001 host: Sean Hayes. Animals featured: Rabbit, Short-Haired Mink.
• November 17, 2001 host: Billy Bob Thornton. Animals featured: Goat, Miniature horse.
• February 2, 2002 host: Britney Spears. Animals featured: Short-Haired Rabbit, Donkey.
• April 13, 2002 host: The Rock. Animals featured: Parrot, Tarantula.
• October 5, 2002 host: Matt Damon. Animals featured: Porcupine, Pot-bellied pig.
• January 11, 2003 host: Jeff Gordon. Animals featured: Snake, Sheep.
• May 10, 2003 host: Adrien Brody. Animals featured: Sphynx (cat), Toucan.
• December 6, 2003 host: Al Sharpton as Brian's brother Ryan Fellow. Animals featured: Seal, Bat.
• April 10, 2004 host: Janet Jackson. Animals featured: Flying Squirrel, French Poodle.
• March 14, 2009 host: Tracy Morgan. Animals featured: Baby Calf, Red-tailed Hawk. In this episode, he called himself "Brian Fellows", instead of "Brian Fellow".

Brian Fellow's remarks on animals

• On a boa constrictor: "That's one big worm!" or "Does the snake still work for the Devil?"
• On a Sphynx (cat): "What'd you do to that cat? He bald-headed!"
• On a tarantula: "That's one fuzzy bug! ...If I had a bug like that, I'd make a coat out of him!"
• On a parrot after the bird mimics his catch phrase "I'm Brian Fellow": "That bird is a liar!"
• On a bat: "I understand bats live in caves", to which the trainer acknowledges yes, "Does he know where Osama bin Laden is?" (This episode aired after the September 11 attacks.)
• On a pig: "Why does that pig hate Jewish people?" (a reference to kashrut, a Jewish diet that forbids consumption of pork)
• On a Miniature horse: "That's the biggest dog I've ever seen!"
• On a goat: "I didn't like that goat, he had devil eyes!"
• On a turtle: "If that turtle bites me, I'm gonna kill it!"
• On a rabbit: "That rabbit just winked at me!"
• On a porcupine: "That rat needs a hair cut" and "All I'm saying is he needs a haircut. Looking all homeless and stuff."
• On a donkey: "Our next guest has big ears too because he likes to carry coffee beans and rocks. Please welcome a donkey."
• On a cow: "That cow has a big head. I bet he's all stuck up 'cuz of that big head."

References

• Brian Fellow's Safari Planet at the www.Tracymorgan.net

The Falconer

"The Falconer" is a recurring Saturday Night Live sketch chronicling the adventures of former businessman Ken Mortimer (Will Forte), who left his job to become a hermit, living in the forest with his trusted pet falcon, Donald. The Falconer, who speaks in a loud, strident voice, routinely encounters trouble and sends his falcon to get help, who—in turn—often gets sidetracked along the way. One such adventure features Donald immersing himself in the modern society which Ken had rejected, wantonly indulging in every imaginable vice before returning to the forgiving Falconer. Another involves the death of Donald and Ken's quest to save his life through time travel. The original sketch is written and created by comedian Leo Allen.

Episodes featuring The Falconer

• November 9, 2002 host: Nia Vardalos
• January 18, 2003 host: Ray Liotta
• May 3, 2003 host: Ashton Kutcher
• May 17, 2003 host: Dan Aykroyd
• November 15, 2003 host: Alec Baldwin
• November 20, 2004 host: Luke Wilson
• April 16, 2005 host: Tom Brady
• November 12, 2005 host: Jason Lee
• May 20, 2006 host: Kevin Spacey

A Falconer sketch where The Falconer discovers that Donald the falcon is a fake and The Falconer's life is just a recurring sketch on Saturday Night Live was performed in the dress rehearsal episode of the Rainn Wilson/Arcade Fire episode, but not shown in the live show.

Bear City

This series of very short films by longtime SNL writer T. Sean Shannon was about a town abandoned by humans after a meteor strike but then quickly repopulated by bears, who had rapidly evolved due to some strange chemical property of the meteor. City life continued as normal, only with bears in the place of humans. The introduction to each film, explaining the origins of Bear City, used a pre-recorded narration by Fred Willard.

Phoebe and her Giant Pets