Savage Love

For the book by the same author, see Savage Love: Straight Answers from America's Most Popular Sex Columnist.

Dan Savage (2005)

Savage Love is a syndicated sex-advice column by Dan Savage. The column appears weekly in several dozen newspapers, mainly free newspapers in the US and Canada, but also newspapers in Europe and Asia. It started in 1991 with the first issue of the Seattle weekly newspaper The Stranger.

Since October 2006, Savage has also recorded the "Savage Lovecast", a weekly podcast version of the column, featuring telephone advice sessions.^[1] Podcasts are released every Tuesday.

The openly gay author uses the column as a forum for his strong opinions that reject conservative views on love, sex, and family. He generally encourages advice-seekers to pursue their fetishes, so long as activities are legal, consensual, safe, and respectful. The tone of the column is humorous, and Savage does not shy away from using profanity. The cornerstone of his sexual ethics is consent; he is thus strongly opposed to bestiality, child molestation, and rape. He speaks out against incest and social inequality, too. Though Savage encourages sexual experimentation, he does not encourage carelessness. He frequently uses his position to promote safer sex and awareness of AIDS. In political matters, Savage occasionally shows a libertarian bent. He does however vote Democratic because he believes that voting for minority parties gives votes to the Republicans.

For the first six years of the column, Savage had his readers address him with "Hey faggot", as a comment on previous efforts to recapture offensive words. He was criticized for this by some gay activists. Savage has also been criticized by bisexual activists for what they perceive as biphobia.^[2][3] Since 2002, he has written the column at Eppie Lederer's desk, which he, a "lifelong fan" of her Ann Landers column, bought at auction after the noted advice columnist died.^[4]

Neologisms

During the run of Savage Love, Savage has popularized several neologisms.

"Campsite rule"

With regard to readers who are in relationships with a large age disparity, Savage promotes his "campsite rule": at the end of the relationship, the elder partner should leave the younger in "better shape than they found them". This includes no diseases, no fertilized eggs, no undue emotional trauma, and whatever education that can be provided.^[5]

Shortly after a 2009 scandal in Portland, Oregon involving openly gay mayor Sam Adams and Beau Breedlove, who had allegedly turned 18 almost immediately before the two began a sexual relationship, Savage created a companion rule to the "campsite rule", now known as the Tea and Sympathy rule. The rule is a reference to a line in the play of the same name, in which a much older woman states to a high-school-age boy, right before having sex with him: "Years from now, when you talk about this – and you will – be kind."^[6] Savage claimed in an article in The Portland Mercury that, while Adams followed the "campsite rule" – Breedlove did not claim that Adams had given him any diseases or caused him emotional trauma, and in fact still refers to Adams as a friend – Breedlove violated the Tea and Sympathy rule by making public statements that he knew could ruin Adams' career.^[7]

DTMFA and ITMFA

"ITMFA flag icon, as seen on Dan Savage's blog

For years, Savage has told his readers in bad relationships to "DTMFA", or "Dump the Motherfucker Already". In March 2006, Savage launched a new website to popularize "ITMFA", or "Impeach the Motherfucker Already" (a reference to the movement to impeach George W. Bush), which one of his readers suggested that he popularize.^[8] The ITMFA site is set up as a blog, with Savage as the main writer, showcasing how people have applied the term to homemade t-shirts, signs, buttons, and license plates. As of July 2009^[update], the domain ITMFA.com is registered with no website, but impeachthemotherfuckeralready.com^[9] is still valid (albeit not having been updated since August 2006).

GGG

Dan Savage and his readers often use the abbreviation GGG. In his March 1, 2007 column,^[10] Savage summarized: "GGG stands for 'good, giving, and game,' which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think 'good in bed,' 'giving equal time and equal pleasure,' and 'game for anything—within reason.'"

Leotard

In the April 30, 2009 column, a reader urged Savage to stop using the word retarded and its variants. In response, Savage agreed to stop using the words retard and retarded and to use in their place leotard and leotarded, respectively, stating that he would then be insulting the physically fit rather than those with disabilities.^[11]

Pegging

Main article: Pegging (sexual practice)

In 2001 Savage challenged readers of his column to coin a name for the sex act in which a woman uses a strap-on dildo to perform anal sex on her male partner. After multiple nominations and a reader vote, the verb "peg" was chosen (despite Savage's aunt bearing the name Peg) with a 43% plurality over runners up "bob" and "punt".

Saddlebacking

In 2008–2009, as a response to then President-elect Barack Obama's choice of Rick Warren to give the invocation at Obama's inauguration – and in response to Stephen Colbert's comment that saddleback sounded like a sex act – Savage Love readers were encouraged to vote to define the neologism saddlebacking in reference to Warren's role as pastor of Saddleback Church. Warren and the church supported the 2008 California constitutional amendment Proposition 8, which required the state to recognize only marriage between a man and a woman. The winning definition for saddlebacking was "the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities".^[12]

Santorum

Main articles: Campaign for "santorum" neologism and Santorum controversy regarding homosexuality

Savage reacted strongly to statements made about homosexuality by former United States Senator Rick Santorum in an April 2003 interview with the Associated Press. Santorum included gay sex as a form of deviant sexual behavior, along with incest, polygamy, and bestiality, that he said threatens society and the family; he said he believed consenting adults do not have a constitutional right to privacy with respect to sexual acts.^[13] Savage invited his readers to create a sex-related definition for "santorum" to "memorialize the Santorum scandal […] by attaching his name to a sex act that would make his big, white teeth fall out of his big, empty head."^[14] The winning definition was "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."^[15] Savage set up a website to spread the term, inviting bloggers and others to link to it, which caused it to rise to the top of a Google search for Santorum's name.^[16]

Lifting Luggage

Following the "rent boy" allegations regarding George Rekers, who has widely promoted aversion therapy, Dan Savage, along with others including Stephen Colbert,^[17] promoted the use of the idiom "to lift one's luggage", meaning to supply one's partner with sexual pleasure. When outed, Rekers insisted he had hired the escort only to assist him with lifting his luggage.^[18] Rekers also claimed he "spent a great deal of time sharing scientific information on the desirability of abandoning homosexual intercourse" and "shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with him in great detail."^[19]

Originally Dan Savage suggested that "lifting my luggage" refer to listening to the speaker expound on the "desirability" of converting oneself from homosexual to heterosexual. Later, after several political humorists started employing "lifting your luggage" as an implicit or explicit reference to various sexual acts,^[20] Savage suggested that "Whatever lifts your luggage" supplant "whatever floats your boat" in common parlance.

In following weeks and months many calls and letters directed to Savage Love employed various forms of "lifting one's luggage" to refer to a sexual act performed to the preference of the recipient. Such usage continues among writers and callers to Savage Love.^[21]

Cornerstone, Fear the Turtle, & Diamondbacking

During February 2009, Dan Savage "dropped by four large universities... University of Lethbridge, State University of New York–Albany, University of Maryland, and University of Alaska-Anchorage—to do "Savage Love Live," the college-speaking-gig version of his sex-advice column." The students of University of Maryland asked Dan Savage to "Please assign new salacious definitions to the following terms: cornerstone, fear the turtle and diamondbacking."^[22]

According to Dan Savage, Cornerstone means when you get high in order to break through a sexual inhibition—like when pot helps you "turn a corner" sexually. An example: "Sue wanted to peg her boyfriend Drew, but he just couldn't do it until he got cornerstoned."^[22]

Fear the Turtle is what a woman experiences when she realizes halfway through vaginal intercourse that her bowels are full and her enjoyment of the sex has been superseded by her fear of crapping the bed. An example: "Sue had to ask Drew to stop fucking her because she feared the turtle. She got on the can for a minute, then hopped back in bed, and no longer feared the turtle."^[22]

Diamondbacking means consenting to anal sex in the hopes that doing so will inspire a boyfriend to propose. An example: "Sue knew that Drew was totally into anal sex, so she let him diamondback her. Now they're engaged."^[22]

See also

• List of Savage Lovecast episodes

References

1. ^ "Episode Archives , Savage Love Podcast , Dan Savage, America's only advice columnist, answers your sex questions on the Internets. To record a question for Dan to be answered in a later podcast, call 206-201-2720. The Stranger , Seattle's Only Newspaper". Podcasts.thestranger.com. http://podcasts.thestranger.com/savagelove/archives.php#a029910. Retrieved March 19, 2011. 
2. ^ Dan Savage: Cool With Drinking Piss, Weird About Bisexuality – Stereotypes – Jezebel
3. ^ "Bi The Way , Frameline32 , Brittany Blockman , Josephine Decker , USA". Frameline.org. http://www.frameline.org/festival/film/detail.aspx?id=1430&fid=42. Retrieved March 19, 2011. 
4. ^ Savage, Dan (December 5, 2002). "Ann Advises On". The Stranger. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=12738. Retrieved September 20, 2008. 
5. ^ Open It, Already, March 6, 2008, By Dan Savage
6. ^ Deborah Kerr, Actress Known for Genteel Grace and a Sexy Beach Kiss, Dies at 86 – New York Times
7. ^ The Tea and Sympathy Rule Portland Mercury
8. ^ Dan Savage. "Savage Love – Columns". The Stranger. Seattle. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=30744. Retrieved March 19, 2011. 
9. ^ "impeachthemotherfuckeralready.com". impeachthemotherfuckeralready.com. http://www.impeachthemotherfuckeralready.com. Retrieved March 19, 2011. 
10. ^ By Dan Savage. "GGG". The Stranger. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=167448. Retrieved March 19, 2011. 
11. ^ That's Leotarded, The Stranger April 30, 2009, Dan Savage
12. ^ Saddlebacked!, January 29, 2009, By Dan Savage
13. ^ Excerpt from Santorum in an interview: "...if the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, ... [y]ou have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does.", USA Today, 23 April 2003
14. ^ Savage, Dan. "Bill, Ashton, Rick", The Stranger, May 15, 2003.
15. ^ Savage, Dan. "Gas Huffer", The Stranger, June 12, 2003.
16. ^ Mencimer, Stephanie. "Rick Santorum's Anal Sex Problem", Mother Jones, September/October 2010.
17. ^ "Colbert Rips Anti-Gay Activist, Throws 'Rentboy' Dance Party" "The Huffington Post". http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/06/colbert-rips-anti-gay-act_n_565763.html. Retrieved October 21, 2010. 
18. ^ http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article7117037.ece
19. ^ http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article7117037.ece
20. ^ "'Lift My Luggage' Is the New 'Hiking the Appalachian Trail'" by Daniel Kurtzman "About.com --Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog". http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2010/05/06/lift-my-luggage-is-the-new-hiking-the-appalachian-trail.htm. Retrieved October 21, 2010. 
21. ^ Savage Love "The Stranger – Savage Love". http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove. Retrieved October 21, 2010. 
22. ^ ^{a b c d} Dan Savage. "Savage Love by Dan Savage – Columns – Savage Love –". The Stranger. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1118133. Retrieved March 19, 2011. 

External links

• Savage Love at The Stranger