Christian Rock Hard

"Christian Rock Hard"
South Park episode
Episode no.	Season 7 Episode 9
Directed by	Trey Parker
Written by	Trey Parker
Production code	709
Original air date	October 29, 2003
Episode chronology
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List of South Park episodes

"Christian Rock Hard" is the ninth episode of the seventh season of the American animated series South Park. It originally aired on Comedy Central in the United States on October 23, 2003. In the episode, the kids start a rock band, but concerned with the fact that people will potentially download their music from the Internet illegally, they refuse to play. Meanwhile, Cartman starts his own Christian rock band. The episode satirizes famous artists who have spoken out against copyright infringement, such as Metallica. Christian rock music is also parodied as being identical to love songs, except for referencing Jesus in their lyrics.

Plot

Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman have formed a band called Moop, but disagree on what direction they should take. The disagreement becomes so heated that Cartman bets that he will have a platinum-selling album before Kyle's band does and leaves the band. Seeking inspiration, the remaining members of Moop illegally download some music from the Internet and are busted by the FBI. Moop are told of the serious consequences of illegal downloading, namely forcing musicians like Lars Ulrich (drummer of metal band Metallica) and Britney Spears to lose so much income from music piracy that they must either downgrade their extremely lavish purchases to less lavish ones or save up until they can afford what they want. As a result, Moop decides to go on strike until fans stop downloading illegally and are joined by a large number of pop and rock musicians, including Britney Spears, Ozzy Osbourne, Missy Elliott, Master P, Blink-182, Metallica, Alanis Morissette, Meat Loaf, Rancid and Skyler's band (Lords of the Underworld) from the season three episode "Cat Orgy" and the season four episode "Timmy 2000".

Meanwhile, Cartman enlists Butters and Token to form his new band. Realizing that Christian rock is a perennial top seller, Cartman decides that his band, which he has christened Faith + 1, will join the Christian music racket. Cartman builds the band's repertoire by simply taking pop love ballads and changing references like "baby" to "Jesus". While effective, the band eventually comes under some scrutiny when one of the songs involves more passionate lyrics. Cartman manages to manipulate his way out and the band begins to build a huge following.

Before long, Faith + 1 celebrates the sale of its millionth album. By this time, Stan, Kyle and Kenny decide that the satisfaction of having fans should be more important to musicians than fighting against the fans who make them popular and go to see their concerts. They decide that touring still brings in revenue and call off their strike. However, the other musicians do not follow suit, because, according to Britney Spears, "[they are] just about the money."

Cartman has spent all the money made from their album on a lavish, extravagant awards ceremony to celebrate Faith + 1's success and specifically to insult Kyle for losing the bet to Cartman. However, Cartman's jubilation is short-lived. As it turns out, Christian record companies only hand out gold, frankincense and myrrh records (in real life Christian albums can get gold/platinum certification just like any other music genre), so Faith + 1, as Christian artists, will never have a platinum album, meaning that Kyle technically did not lose the bet. Cartman, enraged at this turn of events, destroys the band's myrrh album and unleashes a stream of blasphemous obscenities that causes the horrified fans to flee.

When Token confronts Cartman for driving away their fans and jeopardizing the band, Cartman continues to rant and insults him with crude racist remarks. In response, Token beats up Cartman on the stage before walking away. Feeling that Cartman got what he deserved, Stan, Kenny and Kyle take their leave as well. As Cartman lies on the stage in pain, Butters approaches him meekly. In a surprising show of audacity, Butters farts in Cartman's face and mutters "Fuck you, Eric", before walking away himself.

External links

• Christian Rock Hard Full episode at South Park Studios
• Christian Rock Hard Episode guide at South Park Studios