Carol Beer

Carol Beer
First appearance	Series 2 Episode 1
Created by	David Walliams / Matt Lucas
Portrayed by	David Walliams
Information
Gender	Female
Occupation	Bank Worker (Series 2) Travel Agency Worker for Sun-Searchers (Series 3) Hospital Receptionist (USA)

Carol Beer is a character in the TV and radio series Little Britain, in which she worked firstly as a bank clerk then as a travel agent and now works as a Receptionist at St John's Hospital in Pennsylvania. She is played by David Walliams.

Personality

Carol is a permanently bored and extremely unhelpful woman who works at various jobs requiring the use of a computer, such as a bank clerk, travel agent and hospital receptionist. Upon being approached by a customer with a very reasonable request, she will type this in to her computer and, upon discovering the request cannot be met, she will respond with a bored "computer says no." She is unwilling to use any human initiative or common sense to help her customers, and will then cough at them to make them leave. As a travel agent, she would then follow her denial of their request with unsuitable and sometimes surreal alternatives. For instance, when an elderly couple wished to book a round-the-world cruise, Carol offered them a "cruise" from Dover to Calais and then tickets aboard a Russian tanker transporting nuclear waste to the Baltic Sea. In another sketch, a woman wanted to buy tickets to Cephalonia after seeing Captain Corelli's Mandolin, but Carol, unable to find any such tickets, suggested other movie-related destinations, including a trip to where they filmed Midnight Express, a room in The Towering Inferno, a cruise aboard the ship on which they filmed The Poseidon Adventure, and a canoeing trip to the river in Deliverance. An example of Carol's bad attitude to her customers came when she was "recommending" traveller's insurance to a couple, in which previous purchaser lost a flip-flop in the Caribbean and that Carol's travel company flew a replacement flip-flop to him first class - all he had to pay for was the flight... and the flip-flop.

Carol also displays an extreme lack of interest in her customers' personal lives. For example, an old couple claim they will soon celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary, to which Carol replies with a mere shrug. As well, a gentlemen who is excited to finally see his daughter after over four years prompts Carol to shrug and reply with a bored tone of "Oh..."

In the final sketch of the series, Carol is approached by an elderly gentleman with a slightly more difficult request - a £700 six month round-the-world cruise, travelling first class. To her astonishment, she finds that "computer says yes" to this request. The gentleman then coughs in her face, in a manner similar to how she coughed at her customers.

In Little Britain Abroad, Carol is a tour representative for British tourists in Spain. One couple in her tour group often found themselves bearing the brunt of Carol's bad attitude, starting from when she had the tour bus leave without them when it stopped for them, after the wife felt sick. Later, they wished to book a day cruise, but after being made to wait for a few seconds until precisely 9.00am (the time Carol started work), she informed them there was only one seat left and asked whether one would like to swim alongside the ship. In this same sketch, Carol also spoke to a Spanish tour representative who looked exactly like her and said "Computer says no" in Spanish ("La computadora dice que no"). The couple later complained about Carol, saying she had been rude and unhelpful. After Carol burst into tears the couple agreed to withdraw the complaint, only to be called "dirty shitters" by Carol as she walked away.

In Little Britain USA Carol is a receptionist for a hospital. Here, her more malicious side is displayed, when she rudely makes people slowly enter their details before telling them that they cannot be admitted because they have the wrong doctor (even though there are 2 with the same name in the hospital) or are down for a completely different procedure. She also tells a pregnant woman she can't be admitted because the baby wasn't due until next week. Carol gives no allowances for age either - while in previous series, she had entered details in regardless of what was said, she responds with annoyance when a five year old girl tells her that her age is "nearly six," as well as intentionally swearing when asking her mother to fill out a customer service form (by saying "would you say that I've been - a) very helpful, b) extremely helpful, or c) fucking helpful!"). In the last episode she told an elderly man with a very slow walk that he was already dead and shouted MOVE! at him when he took a long time walking to the door. The gentleman then gave Carol the middle finger, Carol looked shocked

Personal history

Carol was born in 1969 in Crawley. The events of her life prior to her work at the bank are mostly unknown, though the Little Britain Live programme reveals she trained with the Royal Ballet School as a ballet dancer for many years, and had lead roles in performances of Giselle, Swan Lake and The Nutcracker at the Royal Opera House. Though she became their prima ballerina in 1995, she eventually left to form her own dance group, Carol Beer's Adventures in Movement, whose productions explored themes of identity, sexuality and crisps.

Trivia

Among viewers of Little Britain, Carol's catchphrase "Computer says no" became widely repeated between colleagues in workplaces across the United Kingdom, particularly those where such equipment is used to answer enquiries^{[citation needed]}. The phrase was also said on an episode of Neighbours.

Parodied in an episode of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy where she works at an employment agency.

See also

• Jobsworth

References and notes