Lieutenant Hubert Gruber

'Allo 'Allo! character
name=Lieutenant Hubert Gruber


nationality=Flagicon|GER|Nazi German
occupation=Lieutenant
start=
finish=A Winkle in Time The Return of 'Allo 'Allo!
portrayed=Guy Siner

Lieutenant Hubert Gruber, generally known only as Lieutenant Gruber, is a fictional character from the British sitcom series "'Allo 'Allo!" and is portrayed by Guy Siner. Gruber is an Oberleutnant in the Panzer division in the Wehrmacht (evidenced by the rose-pink piping on his uniform and single gilted star on the silver eppaulette), although in very early episodes he wears the rank of Leutnant. He has an armoured car, which the rest of the cast often calls "Gruber's little tank". It can be identified as a Leichter Panzerspähwagen, probably the SdKfz. 222 version. In the television series, the armoured car was driven by the unseen character "Clarence". The driver was in fact the owner of the armoured car, the original chassis of which had participated in and survived the Battle of the Bulge.

Gruber comes from Baden-Baden. He attended art school in his youth, but was expelled (just after they had done fish). Prior to the war, he worked as a window dresser, and as an assistant in an art gallery in Cologne. Later his artistic talent comes useful, when he is ordered by Colonel Von Strohm to make copies of the Fallen Madonna by Van Klomp (or "The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies"), and the Vase With Twelve Sunflowers by Vincent Van Gogh (referred also as "The Cracked Vase With The Big Daisies").

Gruber never admitted his sexuality, though his mannerisms and characteristics are that of a stereotypical gay male who has an obvious crush on René. He often finds René in embarrassing situations, for example by walking into a room and catching René in his underpants. Nevertheless, in the last episode of the series, we discover that Lieutenant Gruber has married Helga, with whom he has had six children after the war, and he is a wealthy art salesmen. He hired his former superior Colonel Von Strohm as his chaffeur. This marriage led to confusion on whether he was really homosexual or if he pretended in order to obtain vital information from both allies and enemies without creating any suspisions to either party. However, in "The Return of 'Allo 'Allo!", it was specifically made clear that Gruber was intended to be gay.

Gruber is the aide-de-camp to General Von Klinkerhoffen, and lives in the local château. Later he also becomes the unofficial assistant of Colonel Von Strohm, after Captain Hans Geering goes missing in series 3.

Gruber's Quotes

* [After seeing a pregnant woman] -That's why I don't fool around with girls.

----
* [After learning that René was going to marry] -Oh my God... I must sit down!(...)-I thought you were not the marrying kind!----
* [After noticing the qualities of Herr Flick's new temporary assistant] -Too bad she's a girl...----
* [Every time he walks into the café] -Good MORNING, René!----
* [When René pretends he is a fortune-teller, and pulls out a crystal ball] -Quite an impressive size!----
* [After one of Captain Bertorelli's men insults him, by calling him a sissy] "GRUBER (ANGRY):" I want that man's number!
"BERTORELLI:" I betta you do!----
* [Michelle has told René to expect a man carrying sticks of dynamite. Gruber arrives at the café] "GRUBER:" I expect you will notice that I am walking very gingerly.
"RENÉ:" Do not tell me you have dynamite in your trousers?
"GRUBER:" René, do not listen to gossip.----
* [After overhearing that a train has been - according to Crabtree - 'bummed by the RAF'] -What have the naughty RAF been up to now?----
* [Herr Flick questions Gruber over the kidnap of two German officers by the resistance ] "HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO:" Would you recognise the girl again if you saw her?
"GRUBER:" I don't know, all girls look the same to me.----
* [One of Gruber's songs he sings at the café, (Originally by Marlene Dietrich)]

"See what the boys in the backroom will have,
"and tell them I'm having the same.
"See what the boys in the backroom will have,
"and give them the poison they name.
"And when I die, don't spend my money,
"with flowers and my picture in a frame.
"Just see what the boys in the backroom will have,
"and tell them I sighed...
"and tell them I cried...
"and tell them I died of the same!----
* [After Colonel Von Strohm informs him that 'they don't like women in the Vatican'] - Sounds quite an amusing place...----