René François Artois

'Allo 'Allo! character
name=René François Artois


nationality=flagicon|France|free French
occupation=Café Owner
start=
finish=A Winkle in Time The Best of 'Allo 'Allo! The Return of 'Allo 'Allo!
portrayed=Gorden Kaye

René François Artois is a fictional character, the main character in the BBC sitcom "'Allo 'Allo!", which ran from 1982 to 1992. The character was played by the actor Gorden Kaye.

Personality

Artois (usually referred to as René, but codenamed Nighthawk by the Resistance) is the owner of the Café René in the occupied French town of Nouvion during World War II. He leads an extremely complex life, where the day to day problems of the ongoing war and his home life bring numerous consequences.

Café René is regularly frequented by the German forces. René has to be polite to them (as they are winning the war); but also has to be careful not to be seen as a collaborator. The fact that the café's cabaret is performed by his tone-deaf wife, Edith, goes some way towards protecting his claim that he remains impartial as possible. Actually, René's waitresses, Yvette and Maria, are responsible for entertaining the Germans upstairs with the flying helmet, egg whisk and wet celery. The local commandant, Colonel Von Strohm, and his assistant Captain Hans Geering are two of the most frequent visitors to the café. In a war where money means very little; René trades the girls' services for wartime luxuries such as butter, sugar, paraffin and gasoline.

As if not having one lot of foreigners in the café was enough; René has also being forced by the local De Gaulle Resistance to hide shot-down British airmen, and help them escape to England. The leader of the Resistance, Michelle Dubois, is responsible for devising the plans to help the airmen escape; but also for ammunition convoy hijacks and bombing railway lines. René, his wife, and his staff are therefore forced to help in any way necessary to achieve this; but also to man the Resistance's secret radio, which is hidden under René's mother-in-law's bed.

Meanwhile, the Colonel has uncovered some very valuable local artefacts, which he is hoping to sell after the war. As the Gestapo are also looking for these items (silver, a cuckoo clock and "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies"), René is forced into hiding the painting in his café on behalf of the Colonel. When the Colonel finds out about René helping British airmen to escape, he threatens to have René shot; in which case, René responds by saying that he will tell the Gestapo the whereabouts of the paintings. Naturally, this brings about an agreement between the Colonel and René, who each turn a blind-eye to the dodgy activities of the other.

Despite being a middle-aged man, René seems to be a magnet of attraction for quite a few of the local women. He is secretly trying to keep his love affair with his waitress Yvette secret from his wife; and his affair with his other waitress Maria, a secret from Yvette. As René himself says, "simple plots are always the best!"

The character of René is portrayed as a coward who is trying to save his own skin. The elaborate plots formed by the Resistance, often bring about talk of him quitting the Resistance. The thought of wearing disguises and sneaking around the local occupied château is something which René does not look forward to, and often refuses to do so. For this, René is often rebuked by his wife or Michelle and more often than not is forced to carry out the work of the Resistance anyway. Whilst on the other side of the fence, René is constantly being interrogated by the Colonel, the General or the Gestapo. This is usually for links to the painting or increased Resistance activity. When it came to the crunch, René would always try and escape or go into hiding before he was arrested for interrogation. Despite all this René is constantly referred to as "the bravest man in all France" by everyone else.

When it comes to René's love life, it is a different matter. Although he is often caught in the arms of another woman by his wife; he responds to his wife with the line "You stupid woman!" This would be followed by a convoluted explanation, which Edith would always believe. Similarly, he always speaks to his mother-in-law with the line "Shut up, you silly old bat!"

All René would really like to do is to get back to running his café, and making as much money out of the war as possible!POV-statement|date=January 2008

Character Development

As the main character in the show, René is usually at the fore-front of any plots involving the paintings, love affairs or British airmen.

Last Appearance

The Last Episode brings about the end of the war. René is awarded the Magnificent Brother of France medal by the Allies (though the medal really stands for "Mad Bloody Frog"); and a statue of him is placed in the town square. Unfortunately, the painting of "The Fallen Madonna" goes missing shortly before the end of the war.

The painting is eventually found many years later when Lt. Gruber, Helga and Von Strohm return to the town and accidentally knock the arm off the stone statue - inside which is hidden the painting. René (now an old man) takes the painting, then drives away with Yvette, telling Edith "You stupid woman! Can you not see - I am eloping!"

The character of René also appeared in "The Best of 'Allo 'Allo!" This episode was mainly made up of archive footage; but also featured new scenes in which René and Edith re-affirmed their love for each other.

René's latest appearance is in the "Return of 'Allo 'Allo!, which features a stage play including him and some other characters. This is accompanied by several archive clips from the series, and interviews with the cast and crew about the history of 'Allo 'Allo.