Awake and Dreaming

"Awake and Dreaming" is a novel by Canadian author Kit Pearson. It was first published in 1996. The book follows an impoverished, introverted nine-year-old girl named Theo Caffrey, who dreams of living with a "real" family.

Plot summary

Theo lives in the slums of Vancouver with her young mother Mary-Rae. Her mother, at age twenty-five, is irresponsible and frequently mistreats Theo. Theo is frequently questioned about her life with her mother but she lies and insists that she and her mother are fine and are happy. In reality, Theo dreams of a better life with a 'real' family, composed of two parents and four siblings. Her dreams are fueled by the huge quantity of books she reads about families and the magical events that make their dreams come true.

Rae starts dating a man named Cal, who appears to have his life together. But rather than this potentially being the end to Rae and Theo's struggles, they become worse. Eventually Rae decides to move in with Cal but decides not to bring Theo with her. She instead makes plans for Theo to live with her aunt, Rae's sister Sharon, in Victoria. While Theo despises her life in Vancouver with her mother, she is thoroughly upset about being forced to live with her unknown aunt.

While she and her mother are on the ferry to Victoria, Theo seems to fall asleep, and meets a "perfect" family, the Kaldors (two parents, Dan and Laura, and four children named John, Anna, Lisbeth, Ben, their dog Bingo and their cat, Beardsley). She and the children instantly make friends and play together on the ferry. Theo and the children see a new moon, while on the Ferry and each make a wish. Theo desperately wishes she belonged to the family and then faints. Theo wakes up mysteriously and inexplicably living with the Kaldors.

Theo originally believes there must be some mistake but is delighted to find that the Kaldors simply accept her as a member of the family. Theo begins to experience an amazing new life, free from worries and full of joy. She quickly begins to believe that as long as she remains with the Kaldors, nothing will ever go wrong again. While there, she asks about her former life many times, but no one seems to hear her. Theo simply accepts it as part of the magic. Several months pass and then suddenly, Theo's life begins to fade away. Her friends and family begin to forget her until she eventually cannot remind them of her presence. Quickly after this, Theo blacks out again.

Theo wakes up and finds herself back on the ferry with her mother, at the exact moment she left. She is thoroughly devastated and confused. She also realizes that this means that she will still be going to live with her aunt. In Victoria, Theo finds that while her life with Sharon is comfortable and simple, she cannot enjoy it as she is haunted by the supposed memory of the Kaldors, unable to figure out whether they were real or just a dream. She resigns herself to living a dull life with Sharon and few friends while dreaming of the Kaldors.

Eventually, Theo cannot stand it any longer but briefly runs away from home and goes to where she lived with the Kaldors. She is amazed to find that the Kaldors do exist but is instantly disappointed when they do not remember her. She cultivates a friendship with them, but is frustrated that they are no longer 'perfect'. They have normal family issues, which ruins the magic for Theo. She is also frustrated that they simply view her as a friend, not as a member of the family and important part of their world. Theo learns to accept the benefits of friendship and starts to enjoy simply being a friend. She realizes it will never be the same but this is as good as it's going to get.

Theo is disturbed by the shadowy presence she repeatedly sees lurking around the Kaldors' house. One night during a sleep over, she goes to investigate and finds the presence is the restless spirit of a dead author, Cecily Stone. Cecily lived in the house her entire life and remains there while she tries to settle the past. She feels she cannot die until she has created an idea for her 'great novel' which she never wrote. Theo is stunned to find that Cecily's idea consists of Theo coming to live with the Kaldors. Cecily explains that she first saw Theo on the ferry to Victoria. She imagined a better life for Theo but explained that her idea faded when she could not come up with a conclusive ending. It appears that Theo's longing for a family and Cecily's idea for a book came together and made Theo's dream. But when Cecily's idea faded, so did the dream. Theo begs Cecily to somehow place her back with the Kaldors but Cecily does not know how. But she says that Theo may come back and talk to her any time.

Rae's relationship with Cal fails, so she arrives in Victoria, hoping to stay with Sharon. Theo believes her life is ruined but finds that it begins to take on a new and vibrant form. She begins to live fully, accepting her past and present. Theo begins to enjoy her real life, not just her imaginary one. This is thrown into chaos when Rae decides to go back to Vancouver. Rae asks Sharon to take care of Theo again but Sharon refuses, knowing that Theo needs her mother, not just an aunt. Sharon also says that Rae should not leave Victoria as Theo is happy here and is settled. Rae ignores this advice and tells Theo that they are leaving. Theo is so upset that she goes to Cecily for advice. Cecily sympathizes but knows there is nothing she can do. She advises Theo to savor the good moments in life and try to accept the bad. Cecily now feels that she is able to move on and face the next stage of her journey.

Theo returns home to face Rae. Theo stands up for herself and refuses to leave Victoria. She insists that Rae pull her act together and take care of her properly. Rae is stunned but agrees. The novel skips forward several weeks to Theo's tenth birthday. She and Rae now live together in a clean and comfortable apartment. Rae has a decent job and is taking care of Theo. It appears that Theo's life is beginning to work out. She enjoys a birthday party with her friends, the Kaldors and her family. She accepts that she doesn't know if this life will last but she will enjoy it while she can.