- The Switch
Infobox Television episode
Title = The Switch
Series = Seinfeld
Caption = The three in the apartment, after learning Kramer's first name.
Season = 6
Episode = 97
Airdate =January 5 ,1995
Production =
Writer =Bruce Kirschbaum &Sam Kass
Director =Andy Ackerman
Guests =
Episode list = List of "Seinfeld" episodes
Season list = Infobox Seinfeld season 6 episode list
Prev =
Next ="The Switch" is the 97th episode of
NBC sitcom "Seinfeld ". This was the 11th episode for the 6th season. It aired onJanuary 5 ,1995 . This episode is notable for revealing Kramer's first name as Cosmo.Plot
After playing tennis Elaine is recognized by Mrs. Landis, a former potential employer from Doubleday.Elaine lends Mr. Pitt's tennis racket, a Bruline, to her in hopes of getting a new job.Meanwhile, Jerry is dating Sandy, a "non-laugher".
George is dating Nina, a model who eats a lot and who Kramer thinks may be bulimic.George has dinner with Nina; she feasts on the food and then goes to the bathroom to "freshen" herself.Jerry has dinner with Sandy; he keeps making funny remarks but she doesn't laugh, she just says "that's funny".
Back at the apartment, Jerry mentions how the jokes just bounce off his girlfriend.Mrs. Landis got hurt playing tennis and Elaine has yet picked up the racket.George is now certain his girlfriend is bulimic because he heard a "blah" in the bathroom.
George wants a
matron to spy on Nina to verify if she intentionally throws up.Kramer's mother, Babs, happens to be a matron, but Kramer doesn't want anything to do with her.Mrs. Landis is very sad and, because of her injury, she may never play tennis again.Elaine doesn't have the heart to ask for the racket back.George and Kramer go the restroom, and Babs Kramer reveals her son's first name: Cosmo.Back at the apartment, Elaine says Mr. Pitt needs his racket in a match against
Ethel Kennedy .George comes with the news of Kramer's name, and everybody laughs.Cosmo Kramer accepts his name and says he was running from his true self.When Jerry goes to his girlfriend's apartment he meets Laura, Sandy's roommate, who does laugh at his jokes.Later, he talks with George, saying he intends to try the "switch".George declares it's impossible: no one in western history has ever switched a girlfriend for her roommate.Jerry and George spend long hours devising a plan to accomplish the switch.
Finally, George comes up with the plot: Jerry will suggest a
Ménage à trois , Sandy will be disgusted, break up with Jerry, and tell Laura, who in turn will feel flattered, thus preparing the way for Jerry to date Laura.While Mrs. Landis is out for lunch Elaine sneaks into her office to retrieve the racket. However, she is caught by Mrs. Landis' assistant.Cosmo now uses his name regularly. He tells his mother to quit her job as a matron.George's plan with Nina goes wrong because of this, so he himself goes into the women's bathroom to spy on his girlfriend. He hears the noise of someone being sick and shouts "Aha!" but it turns out to be another woman he hears and his date walks out on him.As it turned out, Jerry's girlfriend, Sandy, and her roommate, Laura, both accepted the Ménage à trois. George is ecstatic about it but Jerry doesn't accept because he doesn't want to become an "
orgy guy".Apparently, Newman, who is a good tennis player, is out of town so Kramer may use his keys to retrieve a Bruline tennis racket just like Mr. Pitt's.When they open the door they see Babs in a compromising position with Newman and yells out 'Cosmo'.Newman is surprised: "Cosmo?"Guest Stars
*
Wayne Knight : Newman
*Sheree North : Babs Kramer
*Gail Strickland : Landis
*Charlotte Lewis : Nina
*Jann Karam : Sandi
*Terry Sweeney : Keith
*Heather Medway : Laura
*Clive Rosengren : Mr. Clotworthy
*Jacqueline M. Houston : Lorraine
*Cheryl Francis Harrington : Waitress
*Tish Smiley : WomanQuotes
*Jerry: So as you can see, I've got a little problem here.
George: Well if I'm hearing you correctly. And "I think that I do," my advice to you is finish your meal, pay your check, leave here, and never speak this to anyone again.
Jerry: Can't be done, huh?
George: "The Switch?"
Jerry: "The Switch."
George: (Shakes head) Can't be done.
Jerry: I wonder.
George:(Pounds table.) Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch? In the Middle Ages, you could get locked up for even suggesting it.
Jerry: They didn't have roommates in the Middle Ages.
George: How do you know?
Jerry: Well, for one thing, they didn't have apartments.
George: Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200, somewhere there were two women living together.
Jerry: The point is I intend to undertake this. And I'll do it with or without you. So if you're scared, if you haven't got the stomach for this, let's get it out right now! And I'll go on my own. If not, you can get on board and we can get to work! Now what's it going to be?
George: All right, dammit, I'm in.
Jerry: I couldn't do it without you.
* JERRY: All right. So I tell Sandy that I want to have a ménage à trois with her and her roommate.
GEORGE: That's right.
JERRY: And you believe this course of action will have a two-pronged effect. Firstly, the very mention of the idea will cause Sandy to recoil in disgust, whereupon she will insist that I remove myself from the premises.
GEORGE: Keep going.
JERRY: At this point, it is inevitable that she will seek out the roommate to apprise her of this abhorrent turn of events.
GEORGE: Continue.
JERRY: The roommate will then offer her friend the requisite sympathy even as part of her cannot help but feel somewhat flattered by her inclusion in the unusual request.
{George takes over.}
GEORGE: A few days go by and a call is placed at a time when Sandy is known to be busy at work. Once the initial awkwardness is relieved with a little playful humor, which she (Laura) of course cannot resist, an invitation to a friendly dinner is proffered.
JERRY: Huh. Well, it all sounds pretty good. There's only one flaw in it: They're roommates. She'd have to go out with me behind Sandy's back. She's not gonna do that.
{Another pregnant pause. George?}
GEORGE: You disappoint me, my friend. Sandy wants nothing to do with you. She tells Laura, "If you want to waste your time with that pervert, that's your problem."
{Final pause. Jerry?}
JERRY: It's a perfect plan. So inspired. So devious. Yet so simple.
GEORGE: {George, finger in thepeanut butter jar}: This is what I do.* Elaine: Newman plays tennis?
Jerry: He's fantastic.* Elaine: You found out Kramer's first name?
George: That's right. You ready?
Jerry: We've been trying to get it out of him for ten years. What is it?
George: Cosmo!* Jerry: It was unbelievable. You're right, the jokes kept bouncing off her, like
Superman !* George (coming in after finding out an idea for "the switch" for Jerry) I'VE GOT IT!!(he slams his jacket on the ground and puts his arms in the air with glory.)
* Kramer: Mom?
Babs: COSMO!!!
George: Cosmo???* George: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?
* Jerry: What are you talking about? I'm not goin' to do it.
* George: You're not goin' to do it? What do you mean you're not goin' to do it?
* Jerry: I can't. I'm not an orgy guy.
* George: Are you crazy? This is like discovering plutonium...by accident!
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