Death Buys a Timeshare

"Death Buys a Timeshare"
King of the Hill episode
Episode no.	Season 9 Episode 3
Production code	8ABE18
Original air date	January 16, 2005
Episode chronology
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List of King of the Hill episodes

"Death Buys a Timeshare" is the 174th episode in the Fox animated situation comedy series King of the Hill and was the 3rd episode broadcast in the 9th season. The episode's title is a play on the film Death Takes a Holiday. This episode is rated TV-PG V.

Plot

Cotton's old war buddy Topsy passes away and leaves Cotton his estate, and Cotton wants to use the money to honor Topsy's memory by "hell-raising and girl-chasing". He picks Bill to be his new friend to help him (christening him Fatty), much to Dale's dismay. Cotton is bored with things to do in Texas, and Bill proposes that they go to Mexico for a "free vacation" during a timeshare seminar, and Hank goes along to ensure that the irresponsible Bill doesn't blow any more of Cotton's or his own money.

Meanwhile, since it's one of the hottest days of the year, Dale enlists Peggy and Bobby to infiltrate swimming pools at houses for sale to cool off. The first pool that Dale finds is being shown to potential buyers, so they vow to find another to stay cool. In Mexico, Rich the salesman shows off a portrait of the timeshare club's founder, an adventurer named O'Kelly, and gets his staff to work trying to sell the timeshares. Hank is resistant, and narrowly prevents Bill from buying, but Cotton purchases one based on O'Kelly's supposed exploits. Hank is upset, but learns that Cotton has 12 hours to change his mind about his purchase which includes, among other things, access to O'Kelly's private yacht whose private chef once worked for Cantinflas. Cotton pronounces Cantinflas, /ˈkɛnːtɪnˌflæs/.

Dale, Peggy and Bobby move on to a fancier pool, only to discover it's protected by vicious guard dogs. Hank tries to talk Cotton out of the membership, explaining that not only is it a bad investment, but that Americans can't even own land in Mexico, but Cotton is enthralled by the attention and perks and refuses to listen. Bill questions Rich about the ownership law, raising some doubts with Cotton, but Rich quickly distracts him by offering a special membership in O'Kelly's exclusive "El Presidente circle," and has Bill removed by security.

Dale tries to get them into one last pool, by pretending to be the new neighbors, to no avail. With only a few hours remaining, Hank enlists Bill to distract security, taking a beating while Hank goes to see Rich. Hank convinces him that Cotton only had money once and is too poor to continue paying dues and fees, and Rich tears up the contract. He tries to tell Cotton, but ends up realizing that the attention is making Cotton feel important again since all his friends died. When the American consulate is no help, Bill distracts security again and Hank reluctantly asks Rich to let Cotton on the El Presidente yacht, which Rich agrees to - as long as Hank buys a week at the resort. Hank, Cotton, and a badly beaten Bill admire the Mexican view, and Cotton believes that Topsy would be proud.

Quotes

• Timeshare salesman': You seem like the kind of man who'd really enjoy O'Kelly's company. He's an adventurer, explorer-

Cotton: Yeah, yeah, smells like strawberries, pees ginger beer. Don't care.

• 'Dale (after being chased by ferocious guard dogs): Last time I was here, they were puppies! Now, which one of you is 'Scamp'?

• Bill: [trying to cause a diversion] I am going to go and eat some of O'Kelly's penguins!
  (The timeshare security goons ignore him.)
  Bill (sighing): Americans cannot own land in Mexico! Americans cannot own land in Mexico!
  (The security goons run after him.)

• Bill: [causing another diversion] I'm off to urinate on the statue of O'Kelly!