Silent Football

Infobox Game
title = Silent football
image_link =
image_caption =
designer =
illustrator =
publisher =
players = 2+ (preferably 6+)
ages = 8+
setup_time = minimal
playing_time = About 20 minutes per round
complexity = variable
strategy = Little to none.
random_chance = None
skills = Basic motor skills (control of hands, arms)
footnotes =5
bggid =
bggxrefs =

Silent Football is a group game componing of three major elements: Football, the Quiet Game, and Parlamentary Procedure, consisting mainly of the passing of an imaginary football. Silent Football requires little set up: only a quiet space with room enough for three or more players to form a circle, allowing each player to see all other players.

In the variations of Silent Football that result in a "loser," One loses by the accumulation of a set number of penance points (set by the Dictator at the beginning of the game (usually 3, 5 or 10).

All players are arranged in a circle, and one player is selected to be "Mr Commissioner", or the Dictator. The Commissioner runs the game, does the majority of the talking, and realistically does whatever he or she cares to, including creating, altering, or removing rules. The Commissioner may arbitrarily force players to do (or to not do) any action.The other players are often called "Misters," because in this variation, all of the players are addressed as "Mr.(insert full first name)," regardless of gender. For instance a player named Jenny would be addressed as "Mr Jennifer."

Once everyone is arranged, the Commissioner must clear any misunderstandings about the rules with either his own interpretation or arbitrary legislation. In some silent football communities, teaching the basic rules of the game is forbidden. New/prospective players must play/watch a round to learn the rules in those communities, however there is also a fifteen minute rule, which forbids outsiders to watch for more than fifteen minutes, after which time the offending outsider must either join or leave.

ilence and "Woops"

The Quiet Game aspect prohibits any player from making any noise including laughter, talking, movement, chewing, slirping, etc. Only the commissioner may speak, though never laugh or make any other noise, just like the other players.The only sounds allowed and encouraged are bodily functions including the cough, sneeze, burp, and fart. However each of these sounds must be covered by a high pitched "Woop." For instance, should a player cough twice, he must follow the noise with two woops, three sneezes would result in three woops, and so on. Even Silent-But-Deadly bodily functions MUST be followed by a quiet "Woop" in order to warn the other players.

Gestures in Gameplay

Offensive moves

Fwap

The first offensive move is called the Fwap.(Also known as a Thwack or Thwap) One performs a fwap by hitting one's knees in combinations of right knee and left knee. One must hit their right knee with their right hand and their left knee with their left hand. Doing otherwise is called a cross fwap, for which a player may receive Penance Points.

Every hit of the right knee moves the Silent Football a space to the right. Every hit of the left knee moves the Silent Football one space to the left. One may hit their knees in any combination of rights and lefts with a few restrictions.

*At no time may the Silent Football exceed 3 spaces to the right or left of a player.
*At no time may one pass the Silent Football to or through oneself. This is called a Cold Rush of Air.
*If one receives the Silent Football from a fwap, a player may not change the direction of said fwap.
*A player may fwap a fwap, but no player may fwap a fwapped fwap.

meab

The second offensive move is called the Smeab. The Smeab is performed by extending your right hand in a cup and making eye contact with the player to whom you wish to smeab. The player with whom you make eye contact is passed the silent football. The cuped hand does not indicate direction. A variation on this move is performed by putting your right hand by your right ear, and putting your nose in the crook of that elbow ("Classic Smeab"). The elbow must point towards the person to whom one is smeabing, and eye contact must also be made. According to some, you cannot smeab the ball to the person right next to you.

*A player may smeab a smeab, but a player may not smeab a smeabed smeb
*The player receiving a smeab is determined by eye contact, not by the fist. If Player 1 were to smeab the football to Player 2, Player 1 would have to make eye contact with Player 2, but not necessarily have the fist pointed towards them (it can be pointed at other players to confuse them).

Defensive moves

hrug

The first defensive move is the Shrug. The shrug is performed just as the name implies: one raises one's shoulders. The shrug passes the Silent Football back to the player who passed it.

*One may shrug a shrug, but one may never shrug a shrugged shrug.
*In some cases the Commissioner may request that the shrug is accompanied with a kiss to the air, directed toward the person being shrugged or to nothing in particular.
*The Shrug is not always used in a game of Silent Football.

moob (Shrotem, Shrodem, Shrodum, Shmotus, Scrotum, Shmota, Smodem)

The second defensive move is the Smoob . The move is executed in varying ways among different groups, but its effect is consistent everywhere: the shrotum returns the silent football to the previous passer.

*One may smoob a smoob, but one may never smoob a smoobed smoob.

Execution

Depending on the group, the smoob is performed in one of the following the ways:

* Extend the right hand, palm up, as far as it will go. Next, place the fingers of the left hand in the crotch of the right elbow. Finally, raise the right hand bringing its fingers to the forehead in a fist.

The Golden Rule

This is the most important rule. Breaking this rule will cause you to automatically lose the game. A player may shrug a shrug, smoob a smoob, but never shrug a smoob.

The call of nature

If a player must visit the restroom, that player may use the restroom signal: waving their raised hand. The Dictator will simply nod and that person can get up. At the Dictator's discretion, the player may or may not have to wait until the next round of Silent Football motion to rejoin the circle.

A player may also request to leave for a few moments. This may or may not be granted by the dictator.

Adding moves or customs to the game

Myriad variations and newer moves to the game exist within different communities, sometimes causing the game to become incredibly complicated. One such example is the phenomenon of Wormholes/Parallel Universes [ [http://robnugen.com/yruu/sf/wormholes_etc.shtml Silent Football Rules ] ] (SWUUSI). Another is the "split ball" effect at Ferry Beach--caused by baps and shwees, and used only the Dictator. Often, one cannot find these inventions in play anywhere except the community in which they have become a staple.

Initiating Play

When the Commissioner is ready to begin the game the Commissioner simply says, "Customary Tip of the Hat," after which everyone repeats "Customary Tip of the Hat" and tips their (imaginary) hats. Another variation is "Hats off," after which all players remove imaginary hats and place them in the center of the circle.

Then, the Commissioner may take the "Customary Shroop," [or Schwoop, Shroom,or Sloop] after which everyone repeats "Customary Shroop" [or "Customary Schwoop", "Customary Shroom", or "Customary Sloop"] and takes an imaginary drink from an imaginary, or real if circumstance permits, drinking vessel. Beverages and snacks can exist within the circle; this helps keep games going for hours.

The Commissioner can then add any more Customaries s/he desires, and the group should repeat them as appropriate. When the Commissioner feels enough Customaries have been spoken, the Commissioner Fwaps or Zooms the ball to someone, beginning the Sacred Silent Football motion.

Additionally, the words "The rules are in effect, the ball is now in play" or "Let's play ball" may be said before the ball is moved.

Tattling

In many forms of Silent Football, the commissioner cannot accuse anyone of an infraction, therefore it is left to the players, to inform the commissioner when an error has been made. If a player notices any other player (including the commissioner) break one of the rules of Silent Football, that player may raise his hand to inform The Commissioner of the rule breaking. The commonly accepted procedure for tattling follows:
# The first player raises his hand
# Before tattling may begin, the hand must be obviously recognized by The Dictator. The Dictator may ignore a hand indefinitely.
# The tattling must begin by formally addressing the Dictator.
# The player then may tattle, minding the restrictions on speech.

Restrictions

During tattling (the only socially acceptable time to speak),
*One may never refer to another player(s) using any wording or gesture other than that player's name within the game, which is often required to be formal (Mr. Smith versus John) OR a description of the player's position within the circle (ie "The Player three spaces to this player's right"). Pointing is strictly forbidden. Names are chosen at the beginning of the game, and include all gestures and intonations made by a player while the player is stating his or her name. Mr. Dictator may change the name of any player at any time.
**The Commissioner is often an exception in that he or she may be referred to either as "Mr. Dictator" or any name chosen by the Dictator.
*One may never use any pronouns. In some variations, pronouns referring to oneself are legal.
*While tattling, the tattling player must surround any quotation or wording or gesture using the words "quote," and "unquote."
**Bunny ear quotes are often an entirely illegal gesture, which does not indicate quotation, but may instead result in penance points. In some variations they have no official meaning other than an indicted love for bunny rabbits. In these variations it is common for a player to raise that player's hand and ask Mr. Dictator permission to ask the player if they love bunny rabbits. In this situation, bunny rabbits are treated as non-hallucinations.
*The Dictator may choose to restrict speech to players by strictly enforcing a "no teeth showing" policy, where all conversations must take place without a player showing his or her teeth. Teeth spotting is a crime worthy of consideration for punishment.

Hallucinations

The game is limited to the people playing in the circle. If a player reacts to a person or thing outside of the circle, he is said to be reacting to hallucinations which are the result of hallucinogens and will be awarded penance points. An exception to this rule is that if a hallucination enters the circle they may materialize, and players may ask Mr. Dictator to have something done about the intruders.

*Food and drink are part of the universe and are not hallucinations.
*Outdoors, if a player pulls up grass, he must eat it. Otherwise it is not food, and therefore a hallucination.

Peanut Gallery/Poltergeists/Savages

Any entities not in the game are hallucinations, and thus are referred to out of game as the Peanut Gallery( Also known as Poltergeists and Savages). It must be remembered that the Peanut Gallery formally does not exist; it is informal to refer to the peanut gallery in game play and penance points may be issued for such hallucinations. The Peanut Gallery can (and very likely will, given the chance) interfere with the players in whatever ways they wish.

Miss Cleo/Translator

The Commissioner is allowed the ability to change names; changing one's name to Miss Cleo gives him/her the ability to perceive the hallucinations without receipt of penance.

In some circles, the Commissioner is simply immune to all attempts of the peanut gallary/poltergeists, and can interact with the outside world as s/he pleases.

Holy Jihad/Witch Hunt/Exorcism

At points within a game, many players may be bothered by the acts of the Peanut Gallery. In this case, a player denoted "Miss Cleo" (or the Commissioner in circles where there is no concept of a "Miss Cleo" player) has the unique ability to incite Holy Jihad (otherwise known as a "witch hunt"), an action in which the Peanut Gallery suddenly materializes within the game, and therefore can be tackled, beaten, or otherwise punished for clearly having been distracting before they existed formally. This action is particularly justified if such hallucinations have blocked players' sight of each others' knees, a necessity for fwappage.

Losing Silent Football

Once one has attained a set amount penance points (usually between 5 and 10) one has lost. The loser must perform an embarrassing action decided by the winners. However, this cannot involve unwilling third parties. For instance, a penance which involved a sexual encounter would require the consent of the others involved in the penance.

Win/Lose and Penance Point Variation

*When a player has committed his first infraction, the Commissioner instructs the offending player to undergo the appropriate punishment.
*Upon a player's first infraction, that player then goes into the center of the circle to apologize until he has gained approval from the majority of the other players, who meanwhile have their thumbs out and turned down; to show approval the other players simply give a thumbs-up.
*When a player commits a second infraction, he/she then inserts "the digit of choice into the nostril of choice." Depending on the variation, fingers and toes can be used, and the digit or nostril can actually belong to a different player, so long as one part is the offending player's.
*The third and final punishment is "Cruel and Unsual Punishment." The players then take a 2 minute break, during which tmie all players can make as much noise as they want while they decide on an appropriate punishment for the offending player. Many good options include but are not restricted to interpretive dance, rapping, drinking squills (disgusting food/drink mixtures), etc. If the players fail to agree on a punishment during the 2 minute period, the offending period is released from his punishment. Once the punishment is decided, all players return to game-mode, which means absolute silence- except for the noises of the offending player. All other players must keep their eyes on the offending player at all times; if a player makes a noise or looks away, he must immediately join the offending player in his punishment, though his own level of infraction remains unchanged.
*Once any given player has reached three infractions, he is not "out." He simply starts back at infraction one. In this variation, there is no official end to the game- it just continues until the players tire, and there is no real winner or loser beyond the winning players, who are currently trying not to laugh at the loser, who is the one currently being punished.

Goldberg Parachute

An optional corollary measure in instances when a losing player is to perform a penance is known as the Goldberg Parachute. Should a player find that a particular penance is too harsh, they may exercise an option for an alternative penance to be conceived in place of the questionable act. The intent is to remove the possibility of personal psychological upset from a player's participation.

Rule variations

The Commissioner

In some circles, rather than having a "Mr. Commissioner" there is instead:
# Mr. Comissionar
# Commander Commander
# Mr. Dictator. In a where Mr. Dictator is known as such, it is often acceptable to refer to him/her as alternatively anything, which means dick plus tater. (e.g. phallusfrenchfry or hotdogchip) But never anything meaning tater plus dick. (e.g. poutinepogo or hashbrownsausage) It should also be noted that referring to the Dictator as something meaning tater plus dick will must likely result in the awarding of penance points to the offending payer.
# Game Master (often when this name is used, the other players must refer to him as 'Mr. Game Master, Sir/Mrs. Game Master, Sir' at the beginning and end of every reference to the Game Master)
# King/ Queen (usually then the other players go by Lord insert name or Lady insert name, and any infraction is concidered high disrespect for the court)
# The Chairman (when addressing the chairman the phrase "Mr. Chairman, sir" must be used).
# Brother or Sister Dictator. In a where Brother or Sister Dictator is known as such, players will customarily have Brother or Sister before their own names.Also the Commissioner may announce a custom name to be called with at the beginning of the .(e.g. The Minoan Lord)
# There is also a special penalty for The Commissioner called "Assassination". It is a penalty that removes him from is noble stature of The Commissioner and gives it to somebody else (Preferably someone with the least amount of penalties). This penalty can only be given by the person with the least amount of penalties, and thus choosing the next Commissioner

Hallucinations

A custom that has been set in the SAYF community is that whenever people outside of the game intrude with rude intent, the patrons of the game cover their head with their arms, and shout, "Dirty savages!" (variations) and/or hiss.

Tattling

Some silent football communities don’t have a strict "no pronoun" rule and instead inhere to the following: When speaking, no player may use pronouns such as "he" "she" "it" "they" "we" "us" "you" "him" "her" "hers" "his" etcetera, except for first person singular pronouns, "I" "me" "my" "myself" and "mine," and words which are not always pronouns, such as the demonstrative pronouns "this" "that" and "those."

If the dictator fails to notice a raised hand, the tattler may use the word "Abuh-afuck-awah" or "Abuh-Ba-Dahs" to get the dictator's attention. The dictator, being a dictator, still has no obligation to react to the abuh-afuck-awah.

References

2. http://www.bc.edu/bands -- Silent Football is the official game of BC bOp! - the Jazz Ensemble of Boston College

ee also

*Zoom schwartz profigliano is a related party game.
*Zip Zap Zop is a related party game.
*Wink

External links

* [http://www.realcty.org/mw/index.php?title=Silent_Football Silent Football rules as use at The Center for Talented Youth]
* [http://robnugen.com/yruu/sf/index.shtml An excellent Silent Football guide]
* [http://ca.geocities.com/tjsponline/s.html A description of the rules for an alternative version of Silent Football]
* [http://robnugen.com/yruu/sf/wormholes_etc.shtml Wormholes, Blackholes, & Parallel Universes] - A whole new world of Silent Football rules
* [http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=158361 Google Answers site questioning the beginnings of Silent Football]