Captain Hans Geering

'Allo 'Allo! character
name=Captain Hans Geering
nationality=Flagicon|GER|Nazi German


occupation=Captain
start=
finish= Camp Dance Up the Crick Without a Piddle(Guest appearance)
portrayed=Sam Kelly

Captain Hans Geering is a fictional character from the British sitcom series "'Allo 'Allo!". He was played by actor Sam Kelly.

Outline

First episode

Hans is Colonel Kurt Von Strohm's assistant and usually comes with him to the café. (Although not stated on screen, the screenplay says Hans is the Colonel's brother-in-law.) His rank is that of Captain, which is equal to Hauptmann in the Wehrmacht. The rank is denoted by two gilted stars, and the white band around the epaulette gives his arm of service as infantry. In the first episode, however, his uniform is that of a leutnant, one rank junior to Captain, although he is still referred to as Captain Geering. Hans likes to fool around with the waitress Maria Recamier - while the Colonel prefers Yvette Carte-Blanche - of which he partakes preferentially with egg whisk and/or wet celery (these of course constitute sex toys) for which it is not uncommon to pay extra.

In Episode 1 Hans and the Colonel get their uniforms stolen by René in order to help the British Airmen. They are forced to hide in the waitresses' bedroom.

Development

Hans develops the habit of greeting other officers with the abbreviated line "-tler!" instead of the usual "Heil Hitler". This was supposed to represent the fact that Hans does not really care about the Reich, but was often thought to be "Clop" instead.

Leaving the series

In the opening episode of Series 4, René, Edith, the waitresses, the Colonel, the British Airmen and Hans are trying to escape a prisoner-of-war camp (Stalag Luft IV, although that camp is actually in Poland). Hans is used for the first test of their escape mechanism, a wooden see-saw. After René jumps from the roof of a hut onto one end, Hans is propelled from the other over the fence, where Communist Resistance girls pick him up and disappear into the woods.

It emerges (via a radio conversation in the following episode) that Hans was mistaken for a British airman by the Communist Resistance and sent to Britain, where he is now working for British Intelligence. The war is over for Hans, and also his role as a main character in 'Allo 'Allo!

Reappearing

In Season 7, René and Yvette are planning to run away to England in an aeroplane, destined for the British Airmen. However, it is Edith that accidentally goes with René. They land in London, and Winston Churchill requests their presence. However, they are taken to Intelligence first. Seeing that they are not the airmen, the Intelligence boss calls his interpreter: Captain Hans Geering. When alone with René and Edith, he explains how he became an English citizen and an ally (as he revealed in "The great unescape" that he was sent to school in Coventry). He also reveals that he found out, working with the Intelligence, that René is a Resistance activist.

Hans, a naturalised British citizen, speaks English with an upper-class, "old-chap" British accent. It is revealed that he knew how to speak English even back in Nouvion. He takes René and Edith to some important places in London. By night, René and Edith return home.

Quotes

*"'tler!'" (Greeting to other German officers or Gestapo members).
*"General Von Klinkerhoffen?!" (From the first episode of Season 2).
*"Do you not see that if we kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau!" (Hans describing the complicated plot to blow up General Von Klinkerhoffen in the first Christmas Special)
*"I am in an office, over-looking Piccadilly Circus." (radio message from the second episode of Season 4).
*"Tell him that the food is very good, and the British think they are going to win. Over and out." (Last line before disappearing until his guest appearance in Season 7).
*"Sorry, old chaps. It's the couple that ran the café back where I was stationed." (Speaking to the Intelligence members in stereotypical British accent).
*"With a 22mm shell, "just wounding" may be difficult."