Asspen

Infobox Television episode
Title = Asspen
Series = South Park


Caption = Tad challenges Stan
Season = 6
Episode = 3
Airdate = March 13, 2002
Production = 603
Writer = Trey Parker
Director = Trey Parker
Guests =
Episode list = List of "South Park" episodes
Season list = Infobox South Park season 6 episode list
Prev =
Next ="Asspen" is episode 603 of the Comedy Central series "South Park". It originally aired on March 13, 2002. It parodies teen movies of the 80s.

Plot synopsis

The episode opens with the parents of Stan, Kyle, and Butters contemplating spending a weekend skiing in Aspen. While the other parents say they cannot afford it, Chris and Linda Stotch point out an advertisement that offers a two-day stay for free in return for attending a thirty minute timeshare presentation. Excited, the parents decide to go to Aspen this very weekend, and the boys (with the addition of Butters, their new fourth friend since the permanent death of Kenny) set out to the mountains.

As the group wakes up to their first morning in Aspen, two timeshare salesmen, who introduce themselves as Phil and Josh, greet the parents at the front door and urge them to attend the thirty minute presentation. The parents, who had wanted to ski, reluctantly agree to attend. In the adjacent room, Cartman gives the sleeping Butters a Hitler, which he describes as "when somebody is sleeping and you put your finger up your butt and then, wipe it on their upper lip to give them a little mustache like Hitler." The boys then go to the bunny slope to learn how to ski from an instructor. Their instructor, Thumper, teaches them the two primary feet positions: Pizza (skis wedged together) and French Fries (skis parallel). Ike attempts to go down the slope and crashes through the lodge wall. Later, when the boys are practicing, an older skier named Tad Mikowsky accosts Stan, calling him "Stan Darsh" in an attempt to ridicule his name. From this point on, the episode follows classic, camped up 80s and sports film formulas (namely "Better Off Dead" and "Ski School"), with the exception being, of course, that Stan and the other boys don't know or care what is going on.

Meanwhile, the parents are stuck in a Timeshare Meeting, the meeting having lasted for well over thirty minutes. After trying to entice them for over three hours, the salesmen are getting nowhere. Finally, Randy and Gerald can't take it anymore and announce that they and the rest are leaving. Seemingly accepting the decision, Phil asks the parents to turn over their table place cards, which they do. It turns out that their place cards have the "red sticker", which can be redeemed for one of three prizes. Meeting a flat refusal, the salesmen break down into sobs. Exasperated, the parents finally agree to claim their prize, which turns out to be an exclusive ski lift. Glad that their ordeal is finally over, they board the lift, only to discover with dismay that the lift deposits them in the same meeting room they had just left.

Back on the slope the boys are still practicing, until Tad arrives and claims he has "stolen" Stan's girlfriend Heather (whom Stan is meeting for the first time), comes back and challenges Stan to a race. Stan agrees, with the condition that Tad will leave him alone if he races him. Stan loses the race, as he himself predicted, and is approached by a dorky teenage girl who calls him "really brave" and invites him to the teen youth center to dance. That evening, at the youth center, the boys discover that Tad's father plans to bulldoze the center (Stan, obviously, doesn't care). Tad then steps up on the stage and sings a song about Stan (which consists of him randomly strumming a guitar and yelling "Stan Darsh Darsh Stannnnn Darsh" with no rhythm). Stan asks what his problem is, but Tad somehow thinks Stan (due to the 80s movie formula) asked for a rematch. The teens respond by saying that if Stan wins, the youth center will survive. Tad agrees, and declares the race will be on the K-13, the "most dangerous run in America". Kyle, who's desperate not to lose Stan, especially after losing Kenny, tries to talk Stan out of it, but not even hearing the history of the mountain (explained by the old mechanic from "Butters' Very Own Episode") will make him change his mind. At this point in the episode, Stan starts inexplicably caring about beating Tad. He goes to Thumper, and asks him for help training. Thumper agrees, and they along with the dorky teenage girl train to the appropriately titled song "Montage". In the scene, Stan trains and studies, the parents are forced to sit through their timeshare meeting and a fearful and sad Kyle stares at the K-13 holding a picture of himself and Stan, worrying very much about the chances of Stan's death.

The next day, the parents are still at the timeshare meeting, unable to leave. In desperation, they call the police, only to discover in horror that the police work for the timeshare company as well. At gunpoint, they sit down to continue the presentation.

As the big race down the K-13 proceeds, Tad has the advantage. Despite being clearly ahead of Stan the entire time, Tad stops three times to sabotage Stan's efforts. First, he cuts down a tree to block Stan's path. Then, he dumps sand to slow Stan down. Finally, he brings a cage full of hamsters with the plan of unleashing them to create havoc (Tad never releases them though), but Stan is so incredibly slow on the run he avoids all of the obstacles. In order to make sure Stan wins, the dorky teenage girl lifts her shirt in front of Tad, who freezes up at the sight. Stan wins, the youth center is saved and Kyle is relieved that Stan wasn't killed.

At the conclusion of the race amidst the celebrations, Heather comes to meet Stan, and wishes to be his girlfriend "again". The dorky girl looks upset, and says he should let her. It is then expected that he will say no to Heather, and be the dorky girl's boyfriend instead, but just at this moment, the boys' parents, having finally bought some timeshare property, return and ask how the skiing was. The boys respond that it sucks and are upset at having to come again every year, mainly due to the fact they don't understand the rules of this culture. They all leave for South Park. As the episode ends, the dorky teenage girl reveals what's "really" under her shirt: It is Kuato from the movie Total Recall, who then says the line "Quaid...start the reactor."

Featured music

*"I Ran" by A Flock of Seagulls
*"The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats
*"Take On Me" by a-ha (Sung by Mr. Slave)
*"Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds (Performed purposely poorly by the show's band)

The video montage

In this episode, a song called “Montage” is performed by Trey Parker and Matt Stone's band DVDA. A video montage is shown as Stan trains to become a better skier. The song was later reworked and used by Parker and Stone in "".