Never the Twain

For the 1925 film, see Never the Twain Shall Meet.

Never the Twain
Genre	Sitcom
Created by	Johnnie Mortimer
Starring	Donald Sinden Windsor Davies Teddy Turner Derek Deadman Maria Charles
Theme music composer	Jack Trombey
Country of origin	United Kingdom
Language(s)	English
No. of seasons	11
No. of episodes	67
Production
Producer(s)	Peter Frazer-Jones Anthony Parker
Running time	25 minutes
Production company(s)	Thames Television
Broadcast
Original channel	ITV
Original run	7 September 1981 (1981-09-07) – 9 October 1991 (1991-10-09)

Never the Twain is a British sitcom that ran for eleven series from 1981 to 1991. It was created by Johnnie Mortimer, and was the only sitcom he ever created without his usual writing partner, Brian Cooke. Mortimer wrote the entirety of the first two series and four episodes out of six of the eighth, with the rest being mainly written by Vince Powell (who, among others, wrote the whole of the last three series) and John Kane.

It starred Windsor Davies and Donald Sinden, with Robin Kermode (later replaced by Christopher Morris), Julia Watson (later replaced by Tacy Kneale), Honor Blackman, Teddy Turner, Derek Deadman, Maria Charles and Zara Nutley.

It was made by Thames Television for the ITV network. Since it finished, it has been repeated a few times on satellite television: first on UK Gold and later on ITV3.

The title is taken from the Rudyard Kipling poem; The Ballad of East and West.

Plot

Oliver Smallbridge (played by Davies) and Simon Peel (played by Sinden) are antiques dealers who are also bitter enemies (after a falling-out having been business partners) and next-door neighbours, both in their homes and shops. They are engaged in a continuous game of one-upmanship, so both of them are shocked when they find out that their respective children (Smallbridge's daughter Lyn - played by Watson and later Kneale - and Peel's son David - played by Kermode and later Morris) are in love and want to marry as soon as possible. The fathers are forced to reluctantly accept the relationship and marriage, which takes place at the end of the first series.

It is the impending marriage of Lyn and David and the early days of their marriage, alongside Oliver and Simon battling over the affection of middle-class widow Veronica Barton (played by Blackman), that provides the basis for the first two series (both written entirely by Mortimer). The third series features a failed attempt by Simon and Oliver to try to renew their business partnership.

After the third series Lyn and David move to Vancouver in Canada, leaving the daily goings on at Simon and Oliver's shops and in their private lives as the main themes of the show. Other notable characters in the series are be Simon's butler Banks (played by Turner), a replacement for a foreign au-pair that Simon had requested; Ringo (played by Deadman), Oliver's idiotic assistant in his shop; and Mrs. Sadler (played by Charles), Oliver's clumsy cleaner, who has an annoying tendency to accidentally break things. Banks and Mrs. Sadler's amorous relationship provides humorous material in these series, with both of them marrying and leaving the show at the end of the seventh series. The fourth to seventh series were written by a group of writers, Powell and Me and My Girl co-creator Kane being the most prominent.

In the eighth series (mostly written again by Mortimer), Lyn and David return from Canada with their son (and Oliver's and Simon's grandson) Martin, who provides a new platform on which Simon and Oliver can develop their long-standing rivalry, fighting over who is the better grandfather. However, at the end of that series, Lyn, David and Martin move to a new flat in Friern Barnet.

Simon and Oliver's daily personal and business lives are the primary focus of the final three series (all written in their entirety by Powell). In these series, another character (who had already made a one-off appearance in the fourth series) begins to appear regularly: Simon's Aunt Eleanor (played by Nutley, who had also appeared in Vince Powell's earlier sitcom Mind Your Language), moves near Oliver and Simon.

Also appearing in some episodes of the series were Donald Sinden's sons Marc and Jeremy, while his wife Diana appeared in the last ever episode of the sitcom.

Episodes

Series 1 (1981)

• 1.1. Families At War (September 7, 1981)
• 1.2. Of Meissen Men (September 14, 1981)
• 1.3. A Night At The Opera (September 21, 1981)
• 1.4. A Matched Pair (September 28, 1981)
• 1.5. Nothing But The Truth (October 5, 1981)
• 1.6. Father Of The Groom (October 19, 1981)

Series 2 (1982)

• 2.1. Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed? (September 7, 1982)
• 2.2. As Young As You Feel (September 14, 1982)
• 2.3. A Woman's Place ... (September 21, 1982)
• 2.4. Blood Brothers (September 28, 1982)
• 2.5. lf You Knew Susan (October 5, 1982)
• 2.6. The More We Are Together (October 12, 1982)

Series 3 (1983)

• 3.1. Taking Stock (October 10, 1983)
• 3.2. Partners (October 17, 1983)
• 3.3. A Nose For Quality (October 24, 1983)
• 3.4. The End Of The Line (October 31, 1983)
• 3.5. The Welsh Connection (November 7, 1983)
• 3.6. Not On The Same Wavelength (November 14, 1983)

Series 4 (1984)

• 4.1. A Home Of Your Own (November 8, 1984)
• 4.2. The Royal Connection (November 15, 1984)
• 4.3. Words And Music (November 22, 1984)
• 4.4. No Flame Like An Old Flame (November 29, 1984)
• 4.5. Love's Neighbours Lost (December 6, 1984)
• 4.6. Come Fly With Me (December 13, 1984)

Series 5 (1986)

• 5.1. In Whom We Tryst (January 8, 1986)
• 5.2. Going, Going, Gone (January 15, 1986)
• 5.3. Thicker Than Water (January 22, 1986)
• 5.4. Kung Who (January 29, 1986)
• 5.5. Reading Between The Lines (February 5, 1986)
• 5.6. Definitely Not Cricket (February 12, 1986)

Series 6 (1987)

• 6.1. Feed A Cold (January 15, 1987)
• 6.2. Going To Pot (January 22, 1987)
• 6.3. Love ls A Many Splendoured Thing (January 29, 1987)
• 6.4. A Night To Remember (February 5, 1987)
• 6.5. The Battle Of Deveraux Dale (February 12, 1987)
• 6.6. Affairs Of The Heart (February 19, 1987)

Series 7 (1988)

• 7.1. Settled Out Of Court (January 27, 1988)
• 7.2. The Wagers Of Sin (February 3, 1988)
• 7.3. Betrothed, Bothered And Bewildered (February 10, 1988)
• 7.4. The Second Time Around (February 17, 1988)
• 7.5. Born To Blush Unseen (February 24, 1988)
• 7.6. Fasten Your Seat Belts (March 2, 1988)

Series 8 (1988)

• 8.1. Grandfathers-in-Law (October 24, 1988)
• 8.2. Nursery Times (October 31, 1988)
• 8.3. Whose Baby? (November 7, 1988)
• 8.4. Never Say Die (November 14, 1988)
• 8.5. Moving On (November 21, 1988)
• 8.6. It's A Long Way To Friern Barnet (November 28, 1988)

Series 9 (1989)

• 9.1. Just The Ticket (September 6, 1989)
• 9.2. A Point Of Honour (September 13, 1989)
• 9.3. A New Lease Of Life (September 20, 1989)
• 9.4. Aspects Of Love (September 27, 1989)
• 9.5. Neighbours (October 4, 1989)
• 9.6. Bonjour Paris (October 11, 1989)

Christmas Special (1989)

• A Winter's Tale (December 28, 1989)

Series 10 (1990)

• 10.1. X Marks The Spot (September 5, 1990)
• 10.2. S.W.A.L.K. (September 12, 1990)
• 10.3. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? (September 19, 1990)
• 10.4. Happy Holiday (September 26, 1990)
• 10.5. There But For The Grace Of God (October 3, 1990)
• 10.6. A Car By Any Other Name (October 10, 1990)

Series 11 (1991)

• 11.1. Viva Espana (September 4, 1991)
• 11.2. The Best Laid Plans (September 11, 1991)
• 11.3. Born Again (September 18, 1991)
• 11.4. There Goes The Bride (September 25, 1991)
• 11.5. Two Fools And Their Money (October 2, 1991)
• 11.6. The First Of The Queue (October 9, 1991)

DVD release

The complete first series was released on DVD in June 2001, by Clear Vision and no other series were released. It was announced that a different company will release a DVD featuring the first two series, it was released in September 2010.

DVD Title		Discs	Year	Episodes	DVD release
					Region 2
	Complete Series 1	1	1981	6	4 June 2001
	Complete Series 1 and 2	2	1981–1982	12	6 September 2010
	Complete Series 3 and 4	2	1983–1984	12	TBA 2012

Locations

The outside locations for the two antique shops were filmed in Hersham, Surrey on the site of a restaurant.

http://www.thediningroom.co.uk/html/backpg.html

References

External links

• Never the Twain at the Internet Movie Database
• Never the Twain at the British Comedy Guide
• Never the Twain at BBC Online Comedy Guide