Only Jerks and Horses

"Only Jerks and Horses" is a short comedy sketch written by David Walliams and Matt Lucas, as their alter-egos, 'Mash & Peas'. It parodies the BBC sitcom "Only Fools and Horses" and American sitcoms in general by imagining a US remake of the show. It forms part of a series of sketches by Walliams and Lucas entitled "Mash and Peas do the USA", and was broadcast for Channel 4's Comedy Night in 1997.

ynopsis

The sketch features clear elements of the British "Only Fools and Horses", but with 'Americanized' changes. Del Boy, notorious in "Only Fools and Horses" for frequently failing in his attempts to become rich, and for his readiness to trade in illegal or stolen goods, is both a success and committed to legality. His regular saying, "Lovely Jubbly", has changed to "Nice Jubbly". Trigger, usually a dopey street sweeper, is a Professor at Harvard in this version. Uncle Albert has been replaced by a pornography-reading robot. Boycie, a shady and snobbish used car salesman, is turned into a cool black man named Home Boycey. Rodney (pronounced "Rod-ernery" by the US characters) is the only character to be directly transferred, and is supposedly played by Nicholas Lyndhurst (actually Walliams).

Rodney enters (audience members can be heard requesting that he speak American and asking who this "limey asshole" is) and much of the sketch focuses on his confusion at the changes in the other characters. He asks Del how things went down the market, and is surprised by Del's response that he has successfully bought shares in zinc and earned millions of dollars. Del in turn is shocked when Roderney asks if he also purchased non-stick glue or pillows made from wood (the British Trotters were well-known for dealing in such low-quality goods). Uncle Robot refuses to talk about the war (Uncle Albert regularly recounted his wartime experiences) and Trigger, whose belief in the British version that Rodney's name was Dave was a running gag, insists on calling him Rodney.

Rodney then asks if Del bought the shares illegally or forged the documents, provoking a moralistic response from Del about the illegality of that practice, leading to a patriotic assertion from Del, Trigger and Boycie of their belief in "truth, justice and the American way." When Roderney returns home to see the Queen, the others turn the house into a pizzeria. Rodney ends up in war-time London, a reference to Lyndhurst's other sit-com, "Goodnight Sweetheart".

Intriguingly, the theme music used in the mock titles sequence does not correspond to Only Fools And Horses but to One Foot In The Grave - another British sitcom.

Cast

Quotes

*Roderney: How was it down the market today?:Del: The dollar was up nine points against the yen, I bought six thousand shares in zinc derivatives and made 2.8 million bucks.:Roderney: Yeah but I bet you bought some dodgy gear, and something hilarious happened:Del: I'm sorry?:Roderney: Like pillows made out of wood, or non-stick glue. Or a lorry load of used matches?:Del: Why would I buy used matches? By its very nature a used match is worthless.:(applause)

*Trigger: Look, Roderney.:Roderney: No call me Dave.:Trigger: But your name is Roderney.:Roderney: No, but it would be funny if you call me Dave.:Audience member: Yeah right.:Trigger: Look Dave...:(no reaction):Trigger: Look Roderney...:(audience laughs)

External links

* [http://bombsite.org/bs/share.php?action=view&filename=Only%20Jerks%20And%20Horses.div&directory=LUCAS%20AND%20WALLIAMS&ind=1 Watch 'Only Jerks And Horses' online]
* [http://www.davidwalliams.com/OnlyJerksAndHorses.htm Only Jerks and Horses at David Walliams.co.uk]
* [http://www.lofg.com/virtualvasey/articles/mashpeas02.html Only Jerks and Horses script]