The Two and a Half Feathers

Infobox Dad's Army
episode_number episode_name=034 – The Two and a Half Feathers
script=Jimmy Perry and David Croft
director=David Croft
producer=David Croft
recorded=Friday 6/11/70
original_transmission=Friday 13/11/70 8.00pm
series=Four
length=30 minutes
viewing_figures=15.6 million
preceding=Put That Light Out!
following=Mum's Army

"The Two and a Half Feathers" is the eighth episode of the fourth series of the British comedy series "Dad's Army" that was originally transmitted on Friday 13 November 1970.

ynopsis

New platoon member, George Clarke reveals that he served with Jones in the Sudan and questions the Lance Corporal's service record.

Plot

It is lunchtime in Walmington-on-Sea. Mainwaring, Wilson and Pike are in the British Restaurant, ordering their lunch. Wilson orders toad in the hole, and Mainwaring and Pike order the fish and potato pie, but when they find out that the fish is snoek, they soon change their minds. Walker enters and gives the dinnerladies knicker elastic in exchange for a steak.

As they sit, Jones enters in his old Sudanese uniform, and informs Mainwaring that he's off to the 42nd annual reunion for the veterans of the Battle of Omdurman. He gives Mainwaring and Wilson a gory account of the battle, spreading mothballs everywhere, and putting Wilson and Mainwaring off their food. Mainwaring is even further put off when he eats one of the mothballs, which landed in Walker's pickle pot.

That evening, Frazer brings in a new recruit for the platoon, Mr George Clarke. He's very loyal and trustworthy, as he stood Frazer several pints in the bar at The Anchor last Thursday. Clarke tells Mainwaring that he joined the army in 1897 and, like Jones, served at the Battle of Omdurman. Wilson and Mainwaring are shocked at the coincidence, especially when Clarke mentions that he was in the Warwickshire Regiment (the same as Jones) and gives an accurate description of Jones. Mainwaring decides to wait until tomorrow to see if it's the same man.

Jones arrives, tired, the next evening, and Frazer, Pike and Walker follow him into the office, where Godfrey is fitting Clarke with his uniform. Clarke immediately recognises Jones, and seems very civil... until his tone of voice turns hostile. Mainwaring quickly organises the parade, and Frazer announces his suspicions about their relationship.

Later, Frazer rings someone on the telephone, and tells them that after a couple of pints, Clarke told him that Jones and Clarke were captured by the Fuzzy Wuzzies. He then told him that Jones managed to escape, and left Clarke to die. The rumour soon spreads, and Walker is torn between his friendship with Frazer and his friendship with Jones.

Jones, meanwhile, receives malicious letters that contain two and a half white feathers, and saying that he shouldn't have left Clarke in the desert. Jones has had enough, and leaves on a mysterious errand.

At the next parade, Mainwaring is determined to get to the bottom of the incident. Clarke tells Mainwaring that after Jones allegedly left him in the desert, a native rescued him. He remarks the native must have saved his life, even if he did pinch his wallet. Jones creeps into the office, and tells his side of the story...

He tells the story of a patrol to see the strength of the Mahdi's army. It was led by Colonel Smythe (who looks extraordinarily like Wilson), with another officer, a 2nd Lieutenant (Pike), who was the Colonel's nephew. The NCO was Sergeant Ironside (Mainwaring), a rough, coarse man who kept giving them the rough side of his tongue. One of the main Privates was a Cockney, Private Green (Walker). As they travel through the desert, they meet an old fakir (Godfrey), who warns them that when the sun sets, they will all be dead. When Ironside gives him a mouthful of coarse abuse, the fakir curses them all.

Suddenly, a fusillade of shots rings out, and the patrol are quick to respond. Colonel Smythe suggests that two men should go for help. Jones volunteers, and Smythe asks him to take Private Clarke with him. By morning, their water bottles are empty. They stop for a rest, and are captured by two Dervishes (Frazer and Hodges). They peg Clarke out in the desert and take Jones with them.

When they start to cook a meal, they scuffle between each other, giving Jones the chance to free himself. One of the Dervishes runs off, and the other (Hodges) is scared by the burning branch thrust in his face, and the Dervish tells him, in Arabic, to put that light out. Jones puts on his robes and takes his horse. When he rescues Clarke, he notices a photograph of the Colonel's wife in his wallet. Carrying an unconscious Clarke on his back, they meet up with a relief column...

Jones tells them that he couldn't have told them this before for fear of slurring the Colonel's name. But now that they're dead, he could tell all, and burn the letters that she and Clarke sent to each other. Mainwaring decides to confront Clarke, but Hodges arrives, and tells him he's left by train-leaving his dress uniform behind. Jones proceeds to burn the letters, and Hodges tells him to put that light out.

Notes

*Clive Dunn who plays Jones-had been a POW in World War II

Cast

Trivia

*The title is a play on the novel and subsequent films entitled "The Four Feathers", in which a member of the British Army in the Sudan is accused of cowardice. In the 1939 film "The Four Feathers", the Khalifa is played by Private Frazer actor John Laurie.
*The historical flashback scenes were filmed using a disused Norfolk quarry, rigged up to look like the Sudan, interspersed with footage from The Four Feathers (1939 film).

References

*cite book|title=The Complete A-Z of Dad’s Army|author=Croft, David; Perry, Jimmy; Webber, Richard|date=2000|publisher=Orion|isbn= 0-75284-637-X
*imdb title|0552337
*tv.com episode|67139