Oh! Mr Porter

This article is about the music hall song. For film, see Oh, Mr Porter!.

Oh! Mr Porter is an old British music hall song about a girl "going too far". It was famously part of the repertoire of singer Marie Lloyd. Written in 1893 by George LeBrunn, its lyrics include this chorus:

Oh! Mr Porter, what shall I do,

I wanted to go to Birmingham, and they've taken me on to Crewe,

Take me back to London, as quickly as you can

Oh! Mr Porter what a silly girl I am.

The film Oh, Mr Porter! was clearly at least in part inspired by the song Oh! Mr Porter. Will Hay's character is Mr William Porter, although he is not in fact a railway porter, but the stationmaster of a Northern Irish station, which leads to some confusion, typical of Hay's films. A snatch of the song can be heard over the opening credits.

The song was adapted for use in the BBC situation comedy Oh, Doctor Beeching! sung by Su Pollard.

Oh, Dr Beeching what have you done?

There once were lots of trains to catch, but soon there will be none,

I'll have to buy a bike, 'cos I can't afford a car,

Oh, Dr. Beeching what a naughty man you are!

• Herman's Hermits recorded a cover version of the original song in the 1960s.