I Kissed Dating Goodbye

"I Kissed Dating Goodbye" (ISBN 1590521358) is a best-selling 1997 book by Joshua Harris. The book focuses on Harris' disenchantment with the contemporary secular dating scene, and offers ideas for improvement, alternative dating/courting practices, and a view that singleness need not be a burden nor characterized by what Harris describes as "selfishness." He popularized the concept of "courting" as an alternative to regular secular dating, and in doing so has caused quite a lot of discussion regarding the appropriateness of his solutions to regular dating as well as the foundations on which he bases his reasoning.

In general, Harris believes that dating has become too inwardly focused. He feels that people date to find "their" mate according to their own principles, rules, and desires. In doing so, he argues, people put up a façade in an attempt to appear to be what the other person wants, and this hampers the "getting to know you" part of dating. He feels that it is more appropriate and more healthy in the long run to participate in "group dates" in order to truly understand the way a particular person interacts with others, since in a group setting in which some people know the person that person is less likely to be able to maintain a façade for the duration of the date. Harris proposes a system of courtship that involves the parents of both parties to a greater degree than conventional dating schemes.

Harris' solutions to the problems he sees have generated a bit of controversy in the Christian community. In an interview with Family Christian Stores, Joshua Harris indicated that "people have taken the message of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and made it something legalistic-a set of rules. That's something that's beyond my control and it's disappointing at times...." [cite web |url= http://www.familychristian.com/books/harris_stjames.asp|title= Josh & Shannon Harriswith Rebecca St. James Dating And Waiting|accessdate=2007-12-23 ]

On November 20, 2005 Harris gave a message to the church he is Senior Pastor at entitled “Courtship, Shmourtship: What Really Matters in Relationships.” In this message Harris acknowledged problems with how the singles related in his church. Harris indicated that there was a “lack of freeness between men and women in cultivating friendships”. He also used the words “standoffish” and “tightness.” In the message, Harris also indicated that it was “OK” for single men and women to go out for coffee by themselves apparently correcting misconceptions some singles had in his church. These problems have not been mentioned on Harris’s web page including the page entitled “Clarification on Dating and Courtship.” [cite website
url = http://www.joshharris.com/2007/11/dvd_messages_old_and_new_1.php|title = Clarification on Dating and Courtship
accessdate = 2008-04-19]

During the weekend of September 21-23,2006,Brett Detwiler another ranking leader in Sovereign Grace Ministries gave a message entitled “Getting Ready” that included guidelines for courtship. In the handout that published from this retreat Brett Detwiler indicated that “Dating is about personal gratification and an end in itself. It brings all kinds of temptation to sin.” He also indicated that “Courtship is not for fun.” Detwiler also indicated that a single man should “Ask Her Father for Permission to Court.” [cite web |url= http://audio.kingswaymedia.cc/pdf/4GettingReady.pdf|title=Getting Ready
accessdate=2008-07-27 ]

As of February 2006, the book had sold over a million copies since its 1997 printing.Fact|date=March 2008

References

External links

* [http://www.joshharris.com/ Josh Harris's Website]
* [http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/largerhope/Courtship%20&%20Betrothal%20Essays/courtship%20index.htm An Exposé of the Courtship & Betrothal Movements] Essays by Robin Philips in which he asserts that there is a lack of scriptural and historical basis for the biblical courtship and betrothal movements. Also discusses Josh Harris and whether his books fit the betrothal profile.
* [http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind10124.html I Kissed Dating Books Goodbye] by Camerin Courtney in Christianity Today magazine