Incompetence (book)

Infobox Book
name = Incompetence
title_orig =
translator =


image_caption = First edition cover
author = Rob Grant
illustrator =
cover_artist =
country = United Kingdom
language = English
series =
genre = Science fiction, Comic novel
publisher = BCA
release_date = 2003
english_release_date =
media_type = Print Hardback
pages = 291 pp
isbn = CN 111870
preceded_by =
followed_by =

"Incompetence" is a dystopian comedy novel by "Red Dwarf" co-creator Rob Grant. It was first published in 2003. It is a murder mystery and political thriller set in a federal Europe of the near-future where no-one can be "prejudiced from employment for reason of age, race, creed or incompitence sic".

Tag Line- "Bad is the new good".

The novel tells the story of an undercover agent working for a secret Europe-wide agency. His real name remains a mystery but he commonly uses the pseudonym Harry Salt. The story starts with the apparent death of his former mentor (Klingferm) in an apparent elevator accident. He suspects foul play, and his investigations lead him around various states of Europe. In the course of these peregrinations, he seems to be tracked by an unknown stalker. He is also hindered by the fact that practically everyone he meets has a serious character flaw and/or mental deficiency. Another ongoing problem is his inability to acquire or hang onto a decent pair of shoes, primarily as all shoes in the "United States of Europe" are made of vegetable matter.

Examples of incompetence in the world around the agent are:
*Records that are incomplete, or contradict other documents
*Cops who obliterate all evidence by walking casually through a crime scene
*Inaccurate local guides and transport
*People who can't work the basic equipment they are paid to use.

The concept behind the story is similar to that of Kurt Vonnegut's "Harrison Bergeron".

The plot appears to be based on the film The Third Man. The film is mentioned in the drunken conversation between Salt and Klingferm near the start of the book.

Characters

* Harry Salt/Harry Tequila/Harry Pepper/Cardew Vascular: The main protagonist. Years of dealing with stupidity have left him somewhat cynical. One of the few characters who is not incompetent or mentally retarded, he usually gets very vexed and angry when others show themselves to be beyond possibly inept. The story is around him trying to find out who murdered his mentor, Klingferm, before they had a chance to meet (In their 'organisation' this was considered to mean a threat as lethal as imminent nuclear war). However, Klingferm died when an elevator shot up through a roof and fell back down killing him. Harry follows clues left by Klingferm, eventually reaching the same position as he was when he died. During the process, he is forced to eat garbage, removed from his organisation, made to wear vegetable matter shoes (Although he had a nice pair of leather ones which are very rare) and die on a rollercoaster. After trawling through the incompetence of the country, he finally meets up with Twinkle, an extremely old bunny girl, who tells him a locker number, which he has forgotten and gives Harry many variants. Afterwards, he gets attacked by Wolfie and taken to 'Johnny Appleseed', the murderer he was following, and finds out it is his mentor, Klingferm. After a fight on a rollercoaster, he shoots Klingferm in the head (However remarkably this is not lethal) and is saved at the end by Zuccho. The story ends with him, as it began, being subjected to poor piloting of an aeroplane. In the novel, he seems to have adapted well to the incompetence of people around him including working out how to get free airplane tickets, and free access to economy class (Although this results in him getting almost CPRed to death). He seems to be one of very few people who can do anything well, although he remarks that most people who do get nowhere.

*Dick Klingferm: Harry's former mentor and fellow agent. During the story, he is presumed dead when an elevator supposedly kills him along with a few other people. Harry tracks down his killer, only to find out it's Klingferm himself. He explains he is a deep undercover American agent out to destroy any possibilies of USE (United States of Europe, the current government) expanding to include russia.
*Captain Zuccho: An Italian police captain who, by his own admission, sometimes becomes "a bit too frisky". Usually ending with him firing several rounds of his gun. Despite this Zuccho is not a bad man. Although often irrational and angry he is able to track Harry down when he discovers his I.D's are fake and again when he does not show up for his trial after been given bail. He witnesses Harry and Klingferm's encounter and is able to intervene. He never fully learns about who Harry works for but agrees to forget about the encounter. He is reputedly on Prozac, but despite this he is still unable to control his anger. He eventually saves Harry's life at the end, with even more swearing.
*Gina Pallister: A guest liaison who suffers from SIR (Sexually Inappropriate Response), and an object of Harry's lust.
*Mamma: An old woman who was widowed when the authorities (incompetently) declared her husband legally dead. She helps heal Harry during his ordeal (Such as jumping out of a car, and being almost CPRed to death) with a special soup and bandages, akin to voodoo. Later it's revealed the meat inside the soup is actually inspectors sent to her farm.
*Pappa: Mamma's (late) husband. An error in a company resulted in him being legally dead. He was going to proest about this, but after welfare checks and compensation came through, he agreed to live in the shed instead, resentfully defending his existence.
*Twinkle: A 100+ year old male lap dancer hired by Klingferm to make sure Harry would be in a place at a time designated by him.
*Wolfie: A professional henchman with very bad breath and a fondness for sadism
*Dr Rutter: A coroner whose hobbies include stitching faces to the buttocks of cadavers.
*Hinton Wheeler: An ex lawyer who visited a prison Harry was incarcerated in. Apparently he is 'not meant to be there'. He describes the events as coming to visit a client, then finding out the company had fired him, so his pass to leave wasn't valid, but he had not committed a crime and so could not be imprisoned to be released, thereby being stuck. Harry solves the problem by making him assault one of the guards to do a crime, and he thanks Harry as he gets electrocuted and beaten.