Ted Buckland

Infobox character | name = Ted Buckland


first = "My First Day"
last =
gender = Male
age = 44
occupation = Lawyer
title = Theodore Buckland, Esq
family = Maryann (mother), Brother
portrayer = Sam Lloyd
creator = Bill Lawrence Theodore "Ted" Buckland, Esq., is a fictional character in the American comedy-drama "Scrubs", played by Sam Lloyd.

Profile

Ted is Sacred Heart Hospital’s lawyer; however he is apparently so inept that the only advice he gives is "kill a patient and you're sued". The episode "My Dream Job" reveals that it took him five tries to pass the bar exam. Once referred to as the hospital's "sad sack" by Dr. Cox in "My Fishbowl", every insult can be seen to chip away at his little remaining self esteem. He is so accustomed to abuse that he reacts with surprise and disbelief when he receives even the slightest acknowledgment ("Oh good God! She knows my name. Am I awake?"). He is prone to panic attacks and is often seen sweating ("flop sweat"). The episode "My Faith in Humanity" implies Ted has never won a case. Ted also says in one episode that he lost his hair in 8th grade, and often fantasizes about what his life would be like with hair. In the episode, "My Half-Acre", Ted is part of the Cool Cats, an air band consisting of Ted, the Janitor, Lloyd, and later on, Turk.

Personality

Ted has considered suicide on countless occasions, even going so far as to stand on the edge of the hospital roof (at one point, he notes, doing so on a daily basis); on one occasion he actually fell by accident after Dr. Kelso came on the roof using an airhorn to scare birds off his car but expressed relief on the way down before he survived due to the Janitor's collection of trash. Ted has described the only dream he ever has as "holding [ Kelso's ] head under the water until the last bubble goes... bloop." Kelso seems aware of how much Ted hates him, but knows he doesn't have the guts to do anything about it. In the first season Ted claims that his wife and family (potentially indicating that he has children) left him due to the stresses of his job. This occurred roughly five years before the start of the first season (Ted has been divorced eight years as of season 3's "My Rule of Thumb"). In season 4 ("My New Game"), Ted says that his ex-wife is now with his brother, who is nine inches shorter than Ted but wears a toupee. He lived with his mother (sleeping in the same bed) until the bank foreclosed on his house in "My Transition". Ted claims to suffer from stress-induced dyslexia, calling Dr. Kelso "Dr. Oslek" on one occasion. Once, in an attempt to help Janitor give the evil eye, he instead made what Janitor called "sad eye", then explained, "It's all I've got."

Ted is part of an a cappella group, with three other non-medical employees from around the hospital, called "The Worthless Peons" (played by The Blanks, the real-life band of Sam Lloyd). Ted also attends Korean Singles Night at a local church with the Janitor. His other interests include biking and competing in triathlons, often training with friend, and fellow loser, Dr. Doug Murphy. He once tried to do stomach crunches on a machine in his office, which broke, leaving him hanging upside down for more than 24 hours.

With Bob Kelso's retirement from the hospital, The Janitor advised Ted to stand up for himself so that what happened with Kelso does not happen with temporary Chief of Medicine, Dr. Cox, because getting coffee and washing cars, etc, is not part of his job as a lawyer. Ted informs Dr. Cox of this (who doesn't care), freeing himself from the position of hospital stooge. However, he becomes addicted to the new found 'power', becoming more aggressive towards everyone including Janitor, leading to a brief split in the Brain Trust. But this is resolved by the end of the episode. (Whether he will be a more skillful lawyer now, has yet to be seen.)

Relationships

The Janitor willingly forms a 'Brain Trust' with Doug Murphy, The Todd and Ted, in an effort to further the Janitor's own goals. Ted has also been seen sitting with Nurse Roberts. There are also instances of Ted and Carla working together and comforting each other. Such an instance occurred early in the show when Ted and Carla sang to a comatose patient whose living will requested he hear "Talk Dirty To Me" by the band Poison every day.

In the episode "Their Story", Ted is shown to be a competent lawyer when he succeeds in saving three nurses from being fired. His good deed goes unnoticed by the staff, however, as their leverage used to blackmail Dr. Kelso had to be left anonymous by Ted or he'd have risked losing his job.

He has a disturbingly close relationship with his mother, with whom he lives. He said that his mother limits the amount of time he has in the bath, and has installed a camera in the bathroom to check up on him. When Keith Dudemeister suggested that his mom could be a lesbian, Ted tells him that he knows his mother likes men, having seen her have sex with one. (Sam Lloyd's real life mother can be seen in the photograph that he keeps on his desk or behind him on the show)

As a result of his relationship with his mother, Ted is sexually attracted to older women. In "My Road to Nowhere", Ted checks out an older woman's rear, then comes on to her by saying she smells like his mom. In "My Words of Wisdom", after Elliot has let Keith go out of town to meet a friend on their anniversary, every guy in the hospital is shocked (and attracted) by her lenience. Ted tells her "If only you were 40 years older..."

Since his wife divorced him for his brother, his love life has been practically non-existent. In the episode "My Rule of Thumb", however, he befriends and makes love to a terminally ill woman who wants to lose her virginity before dying. According to the woman, he was a "stallion" in bed. However, Ted is apparently reproductively sterile. He states, "My guys swim in circles; I think it's the bike riding."

He did, however, make out with Danni Sullivan at Turk and Carla's wedding. This leads to ill-feelings between him and fellow Brain-Trust member Doug, whom Danni also made out with.

In "My Dumb Luck", Ted attempts to woo a woman by stating "I want to make you pregnant."