To Quote the Bard

"To Quote the Bard" is a British farce play written in 2006 by Richard Elkan. A satirical play, "To Quote the Bard" indirectly mocks the British Royal Family and current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Tony Blair.

The play is set at the fictional Weatherspoon Palace and is home to the fictional royal family and their associates that make up the cast of characters.

As the name suggests, "To Quote the Bard" was written in a similar style to the comedies of William Shakespeare, complete with unconvincing disguises that somehow fool the characters of the play, numerous secrets between the characters that overlap each other, and everything coming together in a short single scene ending that closes the story with a multiple wedding, and every character getting what they truly desire.

In a direct reference to Shakespeare, the play ends with the line "So you see Ladies and Gentleman, to quote the Bard, all's well that ends well". The fact that the closing line of the play is delivered directly to the audience, is also a reference to Shakespeare, as many of Shakespeare's comedies also ended in this way.

Cast of characters

King NigelThe reigning King of England. From the beginning of the play it is made obvious that King Nigel has long been harbouring secret homosexual desires, known only to his faithful servant, the sole servant he can afford, Billy Backsides. In reality King Nigel is not simply a closet homosexual, but in fact longs for a sex change operation. During the play King Nigel begins to become increasingly frustrated that the position of King is becoming more and more of a ceremonial title, with actual governing of his country in the hands of parliament.

Queen BerthaThe mysterious matriarch of the family, Queen Bertha has been having an affair with the family servant Billy Backsides for many years. Often keeping herself to herself, Queen Bertha is by far the most secretive and seemingly docile member of the family. Despite her seemingly quiet and hidden away nature, Queen Bertha is a surprisingly street wise character, much more than her husband the King Nigel.

Ali Al-FrescoA guest at the palace, Ali Al-Fresco is in fact a member of the secret service, and the fictional agency M.I.23. Al-Fresco, real name Alex Cumbernauld, claims to be an Arab Prince, but is in fact at the palace on orders of the Prime Minister, investigating the legitimacy of King Nigel's son and heir Prince Leroy. However as well as investigating Prince Leroy, Al-Fresco/Cumbernauld is having an affair with Prince Leroy's fiance Angela during his stay at the Weatherspoon Palace.

Prince LeroyThe Crown Prince Prince Leroy, an ill-spoken and rather insubordinate character, is a somewhat disillusioned member of King Nigel's court. To quote from the play Leroy "Wonders if he might be happier living in an ex-local authority flat and working in McDonalds" rather than become the next King. Betrothed to Angela, Prince Leroy's affections really lie with his Personal Assistant Corgie Bigg-Snaughter, with whom he has been having a long standing affair. Not at all interested in Angela in reality, Prince Leroy never shows his fiance Angela any affection, which late in the play starts to arouse Angel'a suspicions of his fidelity.

AngelaThe hopelessly naive Angela, betrothed to Prine Leroy when she was just four years old, appears on the surface to be a stereotypically boring aristocratic airhead. However despite a great lack of perception, Angela is far from quiet and boring, and at times engages in S & M style sex with her beloved lover Ali Al-Fresco. Perhaps the most comic character in 'To Quote the Bard' Angela's stupidity serves as the vehicle for several of the plays funniest moments.

Corgie Biggs-NaughterPrince Leroy's Personal Assistant, Equrary, and dresser, Corgie Biggs-Naughter is an extroverted Northerner who seems very out of place at the Weatherspoon Palace. However this makes her a perfect match for the cockney Prince Leroy, and the two enjoy a long steamy affair. Frequent reference is made during the play to Corgie having extremely hair thighs, hence her name Corgie; her real name, a secret to all except undercover spy Ali Al-Fresco, is Tracy Bloggs.

Billy BacksidesA very contradictory character, Billy Backsides is the only member of King Nigel's court who knows that King Nigel longs for a sex change operation, but because of this has been having a long affair with the sexually unsatisfied Queen Bertha. The Royal Family's servant for decades, Billy knows the goings on and secrets of the Weatherspoon Palace inside out. However he himself is also part of perhaps the palace's biggest secret, that he is the biological father of Prince Leroy.

History of the play

Written in 2006, "To Quote the Bard" had its official debut on January 17, 2007, at The Lion and Unicorn Pub Theatre, Kentish Town, where it is set to run until February 4, 2007, before possibly being transferred to another London theatre. The current cast includes Madeline Carrick, Louisa Ashton, Andrew Mudie, and Tony Canning.