'Unlucky' Alf

Unlucky Alf is a fictional character played by Paul Whitehouse in the BBC comedy sketch show The Fast Show. He has been recognised as one of the most popular characters in the series, and his catchphrases "Aww, Bugger" and "But knowing my luck..." have entered the public consciousness since he first appeared. He is featured in all of the series, mostly in series 1 and 2, and has fewer appearances afterwards.

He is a lonely old northern pensioner, apparently cursed that he can never do anything without suffering bad luck. He is known to have a brother, Ken, who is never seen, and used to have a lady friend (played by Caroline Aherne) before one of her cats ripped his trousers. He is also known to have dated an elderly lady named Mollie, to the point of where he was ready to "pop the question", however, he suffered a string of extremely bad luck before he could get around to it. He was hit by bird poo on the doorstep on his first try, stepped in dog poo and fell over a rail on his second try and was sprayed by a manure truck on his third try. When he finally got to her house, Mollie was being carried out in a coffin. And to top it all off, upon removing his hat to pay his respects, Alf was hit by bird poo again.

Everyone he meets calls him 'Unlucky' Alf, which means they are fully aware of his misfortunes. In the sketches featuring him, we see him in a variety of unlucky situations, from falling into puddles and holes, to blowing up his 'death trap' house, smashing his own greenhouse with a cricket ball and rocketing into the sky.