Yankee Doodle Doctor

Infobox Television episode
Title = Yankee Doodle Doctor
Series = M*A*S*H


Caption =
Season = 1
Episode = 6
Airdate = October 22, 1972
Production = J310
Writer = Laurence Marks
Director = Lee Philips
Guests = Ed Flanders

Bert Kramer

Tom Sparks

Marcia Strassman

Herb Voland
Episode list = List of "M*A*S*H" episodes
Prev = The Moose
Next = Bananas, Crackers and Nuts

"Yankee Doodle Doctor" is an episode from the television series "M*A*S*H". It was the sixth episode broadcast and aired on October 22, 1972, and it was rerun April 8, 1973. It was written by Laurence Marks and directed by Hy Averback.

Guest cast is Ed Flanders as Lt. Bricker, Bert Kramer as Sgt. Martin, Tom Sparks as Corpsman, Marcia Strassman as Nurse Margie Cutler and Herb Voland as Gen. Crandell Clayton.

Overview

Lieutenant Bricker is making a documentary about MASH units and General Clayton recommends the 4077th. However, when Hawkeye and Trapper discover the "documentary" is little more than Army propaganda, they destroy it and make their own version.

Detailed story

Lieutenant Bricker is making a documentary about MASH units and General Clayton recommends the 4077th. Bricker wants one the doctor to "star" in his documentary and Hawkeye Pierce agrees when faced with the possibility that the role could go to Frank Burns.

While filming the documentary, Bricker annoys everyone ("Could I get a shot of you consulting with another doctor?") and, later, Hawkeye and Trapper John McIntyre discover Frank has been made narrator of the film. Upon hearing the narration, ("Every red-blooded American knows he will be in the hands of Yankee Doodle doctor!") Pierce and McIntyre realize the film is "a pack of lies," stating the drafted surgeons of the 4077th are volunteers.

In the night, Pierce and McIntyre destroy the film by exposing it to light. In a rage of fury, Bricker leaves the camp and Henry Blake convinces Pierce and McIntyre to remake the film themselves. However, when their finished film is presented to General Clayton, it doesn't play quite the way Blake had in mind. Hawkeye became a Groucho-Marx-esque "Yankee Doodle Doctor" and Trapper John a horn-blowing Harpo-Marx-esque sidekick. However, after Pierce makes a speech at the end of the film, talking seriously about the care given at the mobile hospitals and the horror of war, Clayton decides to release the film with his introduction and Hawkeye's conclusion.

Hawkeye's speech is as follows:

"Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a 50-50 chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises, no guaranteed survival, no saints in surgical garb. Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns and bombs and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending for a movie. But then, no war is a movie."

M*A*S*Hisms

* Pierce, imitating James Cagney, says, "Mm ! Mm ! You dirty rat. You come in here and you ask if we've ever-- You dirty rat-- if we've ever done any acting. Why, you dirty--That's not too bad, is it?" To which, McIntyre replies, "I never saw Carmen Miranda done any better." Pierce responds to this by imitating Jack Benny's famous "Now cut that out!":Carmen Miranda was a Portuguese - Brazilian samba singer and motion picture star.