List of Salute Your Shorts episodes

This article contains episode summaries of the Nickelodeon television series "Salute Your Shorts".

eason 1: 1991

This season is centered around the character of Michael

Michael Comes to Camp

We open with Dina directing Z.Z. in the hanging of the camp banner across the entrance. Michael, on arrival is directed to the lodge by Sponge who advises that he made a major mistake coming to Camp Anawana.

Bobby Budnick introduces himself as the official camp greeter then shoves him over the bent over Donkeylips. Then, Donkeylips pins down Michael and Bobby pulls off Michael's boxer shorts and runs it up the flagpole. Sponge gives Michael the advice, "Salute your shorts."

We learn that Sponge was given his nickname because he soaks up information like a sponge, and that Ug was given his nickname because his last name is Lee. It is unclear how Donkeylips was given his nickname.

Budnick and Donkeylips harass the new kid, Michael, who gets in a fight with Budnick at a baseball game that earns him respect and popularity that convince Budnick and Donkeylips to force Michael and Sponge into a secret society. Their first assignment is to steal something from the girls' cabin, getting Z.Z.'s diary, Dina's makeup, and Telly's glasses. Michael drops Telly's glasses on the way back to the cabin and then steps on them during their search. Budnick tries to pin the theft on a random kid, but Michael admits that it was him.

The show closes with the girls T.P.ing the guys' bunk.

Quotes

"The food bites, the bugs bite, activities bite. Everything bites!":"Sponge"

"We had Norwegian Salmon. Oh, all the way from Norwege.":"Dina"

"What if Ug catches us?"
"You'll get thrown out of camp."
"What if the girls caught us?"
"Then they'll beat you up.
"What if we refuse to go at all?"
"Donkeylips sits on your face and farts."
(Michael and Sponge look behind to see Donkeylips smugs.)
"Okay, we'll do it!":"Michael" and "Budnick"

"Whoa, power puke!":"Donkeylips"

"Awful Waffle! Awful Waffle":"Group chant"

Zeke, the Plumber

When the campers are gathered around telling ghost stories, Budnick tells the story of Zeke the Plumber. Zeke had his nose bitten off by a parrot in the Philippines and, as such, couldn't smell a gas leak created when he hit a gas pipe while digging a hole. He makes a big mistake and lights a match, causing an explosion. The only remain was his toilet plunger that now bears a curse. Zeke's ghost, it's said, wanders the camp trying to find his plunger and anyone who touches it will be haunted in their dreams. Telly and Michael, having touched the plunger, are told that Zeke wanders around camp in a mask.

Michael and Telly both end up having nightmares where Zeke threatens to kill them. This convinces them to get back at Budnick by daring him to stay out in the woods at the historical location of the site of Zeke's death, as documented in camp records. Budnick sets up a host of traps around his station while Donkeylips wanders around blindly with a pumpkin mask over his head and the other campers (and Ug, dressed as Zeke) attempt to sneak up on Budnick, running into his traps.

On the way back from catching Ug, Budnick runs into a spider web and starts screaming for help, to the amusement of the campers listening nearby.

Quotes

"I read that there's something in toothpaste that keeps ghosts away."
"How?"
"Well, I'm not sure, but it's something 4 out of 5 doctors recommend."
"Which doctors?"
"Exactly, witch doctors.":"Dina" and "Telly"

"It's a parade of losers! Loser, loser, loser, loser... and loser!":"Budnick"

"There is nothing in the world that I'm afraid of!...*runs into a spider web*...except spiders! Ahh! HEEEELP!":"Budnick"

The Treasure of Sarah Madre

The campers gather in the lodge to remember Sarah Madre, the old dance counselor who tragically cha-chaed off a cliff years ago. Budnick breaks the picture with a soccer ball, revealing a secret treasure map Sarah had hidden in the frame before she died. Budnick claims the directions, refusing to let anyone else see them. The other kids decide to buy the directions from him, but greed soon splits the boys and girls. Budnick secretly sells each of them a copy of the directions, in exchange for their boomboxes.

Meanwhile, Ug is busy landscaping the baseball field to prepare it for pictures for the new brochure. He tells everyone to stay off the field.

The boys and girls both follow the directions, and find each other in the woods. After digging all day, they realize that Budnick tricked them - there was never any treasure. They give him everything they found, a pile of garbage. An old hat that matches the one Sarah is wearing in the picture convinces Budnick that there really is a treasure even though he made up the directions. He returns the boomboxes in order to get the directions back.

Budnick and Donkeylips agree to split the treasure, but neither can trust the other one. They decide to search for the treasure at night, rather than wait until dawn. They follow the directions but can't find any of the holes where the other kids were digging. After digging all night, the other kids reveal that it was all a trick, the hat was a fake to get Budnick back. At the last minute, Donkeylips's shovel hits metal, and thinks it is the treasure after all. It turns out it is a water main, which starts spraying water everywhere. the other kids run away, leaving Budnick to face the wrath of Ug, who has just found out that there is a large hole in the middle of the infield.

Quotes

"Smooth move Ex-Lax! I'm outa here!":"Michael"

"C'mon Budnick, you're our friend! And you can't put money over friendship! Oh, listen to "me"!":"Dina"

"Look! I found a Junior Park Ranger's badge!"
"Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!":"Z.Z." and "Michael"

"Did Donkeylips sign up for metalshop?"
"Beats me. Why?"
"Oh, he was just asking around for a hacksaw and a file."
"What would he need a hacksaw for?"
"Oh, I just figured it out! They're serving meatloaf tonight.":"Z.Z.", "Telly", and "Dina"

"A file, huh? I'll file "him"! Under 'D' for 'Dead Donkey!":"Budnick"

"Right now we gotta swear to each other."
"Ok! You're a big dripping piece..."
"I'm not talking swear like that. I mean, swear that whatever we find, we'll split 50/50."
:"Budnick" and "Donkeylips"

"I've struck gold! I've struck silver! I've struck...a water main!":"Budnick"

"There is a very deep hole in the middle of my infield. Eventually, the hole will fill up with water and the SCUM will float to the top! Then, Bobby Budnick, you will be mine!":"Ug"

"This is Dr. Kahn.... would the wise-guy who turned off the water please turn it back on... I'm trying to brush my teeth!":"Dr. Kahn"

Brownies for Thud Mackie

Ug is upset because no one is coming to his activities except Z.Z. Z.Z. cheers him up and they go on a nature walk to identify plants so that Ug can join the "100 Shrub Club". It turns out Ug is not a very good naturalist, and ends up rubbing poison sumac all over himself. Ug takes an oatmeal bath, despondent that he will never get in the 100 Shrub Club.

Meanwhile Michael gets in trouble when he encounters the camp bully, Thud Mackie. He accidentally sits on Thud's brownies, and Thud gives him a week to get him a new dozen brownies. Michael gets his grandparents to send him some brownies, but Ug confiscates them. With only a few days to go before Thud pounds him, he sends a video tour of camp to his grandparents, making the camp look much worse than it really is. Just as Michael thinks he is going to get pounded, Ug tells him he gets to leave. He finds out he's not going home after all, but staying with his grandparents instead. He doesn't want to live with them and doesn't want to leave his friends, so decides to stay at camp instead.

Everyone promises to help Michael against Thud, but when Michael confronts him, everyone else has disappeared. Thud knocks Michael out, and the episode ends with Michael coming to with everyone standing around him.

Quotes

"I happen to be one of the finest woodsmen since Betty Crocker."
"You mean Davy Crockett."
"Yeah, him too.":"Ug" and "Z.Z."

"Rule #1: Never lie to your parents."
"What?"
"You lie to your "grand"parents!":"Budnick" and "Michael"

"Ug, who did I just puke on?"
"Hey Thud, you better go wash up."
"Michael runs away puking again":"Michael" and "Ug"

"And here's Ug to tell you what happens if you eat too much of the food here:"
"It causes stomach pain and vomiting, and paralysis to the central nervous system.":"Michael" and "Ug"

"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"How many fingers am "I" holding up?":"Budnick" and "Michael"

Bunk Chief Elections

Dina and Telly both want to be Bunk Chief for the summer. Since they are both going to vote for themselves, Z.Z. has the deciding vote. They both try to convince her to vote for them. Dina lets Z.Z. wear any of her clothes, while Telly helps Z.Z. score her first soccer goal. Z.Z. promises her vote to both of them.

Meanwhile, the boys are in trouble for putting the goat in Ug's bunk. Ug forces them to help set up for the Indian Council Dinner. Thinking that Ug wants to catch them messing up again, the boys are careful to do everything perfectly.

Z.Z. doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so she casts a blank ballot. This results in both Dina and Telly being angry with her. It also means that Dina and Telly have to decide among themselves who will be Chief. After talking they decide to vote for each other, leaving them in the same position they were before. Ug leaves again, while the boys go out to get a soda after putting together all the pies for dessert. Dina and Telly start fighting again when neither will take the win from the other. Dina puts a pie in Telly's face, sparking a food fight that results in Ug being hit as he returns. The girls run out just as the boys come back in. Ug blames the boys for the mess, and Dina and Telly decide to elect Z.Z. as Bunk Chief.

Quotes

"It's like when Solomon King had to make his decision."
"You mean "King" Solomon, when he had to cut the baby in half?"
"No, I mean Solomon King. I went to school with the guy.":"Budnick" and "Z.Z."

"This is politics! People are supposed to get hurt!":"Dina"

"Ug is such a Gomer!":"Budnick"

"What happened here?!"
"I'll tell you what happened!"
"Ug! You don't think we did this, do you Ug?"
"Of course....I do.":"Donkeylips", "Ug", and "Budnick"

Toilet Seat Basketball

The kids' basketball team, the Tigers, are playing the Hurricanes in the championship game. The winners get their name woodburned onto the winner's plaque, but the losers get their photo put in a toilet seat hanging in the lodge. Telly tries to get everyone to practice, but no one wants to have to work to win.

After losing to the Hurricanes, the team fires Telly and elects Budnick as their new captain when he promises them winning with no work. It seems to be too good to be true when they start losing badly during the next game. Budnick steps in at the last minute and does the impossible, somehow winning the game for them. Everyone is happy except Telly, who suspects something is not right. In the meantime, Budnick bets his candy stash against the Hurricanes'.

Telly spies on Budnick while he is inside his bunk and finds out that he stole the Hurricanes' playbook. After the rest of the team finds out, they apologize to Telly and promise to work hard from now on. They practice hard, and take on the Hurricanes fair and square. The game goes pretty evenly, and with ten seconds left, the Tigers need 2 more points to win. Budnick begs Telly to let him in. She reluctantly agrees, warning him to be a team player. He agrees, but when he gets the ball he refuses to pass it to anyone, not wanting to risk his candy stash by letting someone else shoot. He takes the shot as time runs but it doesn't go in. The Tigers may have lost the game, but Budnick lost his entire candy stash due to his own selfishness.

Quotes

"How can nature be out, when we all come from the earth?"
"I do not come from the earth, I come from New York.":"Z.Z." and "Dina"

"You know what makes us a team?"
"Oh, I know! We all wear the same color tank tops!":"Telly" and "Dina"

"If you wanna be a winner, you have to learn the 4 F's of leadership: fearlessness, fairness, firmness, and control."
"Control isn't an F."
"Well then it's...it's 3 F's and a C."
"Sounds like Donkeylips' report card.":"Ug" and "Telly"

"I came for some drills."
"Great, we'll run the passing the drill, then we'll do the wind sprint drill..."
"No no no, I came for some drills from the woodshop, for my acorn earrings."
"What about the team?"
"I don't know...I guess I could make earrings for everyone, but I don't think they'll look that great on the guys. See ya!":"Z.Z." and "Telly"

The Radio Call-In Contest

Sponge and Michael call a local radio trivia contest run by DJ Giant Jim, where Sponge wins $100. He trades it in for a chance to win $1000 by answering two more questions. While the boys are all worshipping him, the girls show that he doesn't know anything about "stupid trivia". They offer to help him with the "girl trivia" questions for thirty percent of the money. Sponge refuses.

Meanwhile, Ug buys some cologne from Budnick that turns his face blue. He grounds all the boys to the bunk until he can fix his face. By the time they get their radio working again, they find out the question was already asked: "What's George Michael's real name?" They are forced to give the girls a cut of the money to get the answer. In order to answer the third question, Sponge will have to stay up all night. Everyone tries to help him stay awake and prepare for the third question, but he is just too tired.

Giant Jim finally asks the third question: "What color is a giraffe's tongue?" Sponge doesn't know whether it is red or black. The day is saved when Ug enters the bunk. His college mascot was a giraffe, and he remembers the tongue was black. Sponge answers the question and wins the $1000. However, Ug gets the money, perhaps to pay to clean his face.

Quotes

"I love this guy! He once did a whole show butt-naked!"
"How could you tell? It's radio!":"Donkeylips" and "Sponge"

"Y'know, there's more to life than being smart."
"Like what?"
"Like winning money by being smart!":"Budnick", "Sponge", and "Michael"

"There's two types of questions in this world, guy questions and girl questions. Guy questions are things you know, like how tall the Empire State Building is."
"102 stories"
"Or how fast an ostrich runs."
"27 miles per hour."
"Now, girl questions, well, they're everything else in this world.":"Michael" and "Sponge"

"What was in that junk?"
"Mouthwash, cologne from magazine ads"
"What else?"
"blue tie-dye..."
"Tie-dye?!":"Ug" and "Budnick"

"I don't have to be fair, I'm a counselor!"
:"Ug"

"No, sorry honey, I can't see you tonight. Because I'm blue. No, not sad blue. "Blue" blue. Toilet bowl blue!":"Ug"

"He's just as dumb as me.":"Donkeylips"

"Hey, hey, hey! I may be blue, but I know a giraffe's tongue is black.":"Ug"

Donkeylips and Sponge Weigh In

Donkeylips and Sponge want to join the wrestling tournament so they can win a lobster dinner. When Ug weighs them in, they find out that Sponge is five pounds under the "flyweight" limit and Donkeylips is five pounds over the "cruiser" limit. Telly offers to help them qualify for the tournament.

Meanwhile, Budnick's latest scheme is to save the kids from eating gumbo surprise by ordering burgers from a stand outside the camp. Everyone goes in on the deal, but Ug catches them using the phone. Since he can't order the burgers in advance, Budnick sends Donkeylips and Sponge to buy the burgers.

They go to pay for the burgers, but find out that half the money leaked out of Donkeylips' pocket, leaving a trail which Ug follows to the stand. Ug hits on the cashier, who strings him along in order to get the other half of the money. Sponge and Donkeylips manage to swipe the food bag without Ug seeing them, and they return to camp with the burgers.

The next day, it is time to weigh in again. Sponge has gained enough weight, but Donkeylips is still one pound too heavy. He leaves despondent that he can't wrestle after all. Telly gives Sponge a five-pound weight to help him bulk up, but Ug tells them the scale says it weighs seven pounds. Sponge realizes this means Donkeylips actually made the weight limit, and goes to tell him they will be enjoying lobster together after all.

Quotes

"Wrestling bites unless you can dress like Sergeant Slaughter and body slam the Atomic Werewolf.":"Budnick"

"Maybe it's a species of lima bean."
"I don't think lima beans have little twitching legs.":"Z.Z." and "Michael"

"Either this is some kind of sauce or my bratwurst is sweating.":"Dina"

"Hi guys. I come bearing good news."
"They hung the chef?":"Budnick" and "Z.Z."

"My mom says I'm the right weight."
"Yeah, if you were nine and a half feet tall.":"Donkeylips" and "Telly"

"Look at it this way: cleaning up camp helps the environment!"
"Look at it this way: zip it!":"Z.Z." and "Budnick"

"How could I be so stupid?"
"Well it could be hereditary, or it could be diet, or it could be...":"Ug" and "Sponge"

"How could you be so dumb?"
"It's not my fault, it's my pocket's fault!"
"You owned the pants, you own your pocket, it's your fault!"
"No! My mom brought the pants, it's her fault!":"Sponge" and "Donkeylips"

(Ug pats Michael in the back, made him spit a piece of the burger)"Eww! It was a bug."
"I'll call the exterminator next week.":"Dina" and "Ug"

"Great! Just when things are going good, I get this! Garbage!
"All my life is garbage!"
"So pick up your life and stuff it back into this trash bag. Come on!":"Donkeylips" and "Sponge"

"Hey, do you have chicken fingers? 'Cause you'd need a lot of hand cream.":"Ug"

"More garbage! I want you to have my claw cracker.":"Donkeylips"

"About that claw cracker I gave you....I'd like it back!"
"Chases after Sponge"
"But you said I could keep it!"
"I don't want you to have it anymore!":"Donkeylips" and "Sponge"

Budnick and Michael Fake Being Sick

Budnick doesn't want to go to Instructional Swim, so he and Michael convince Ug they're both sick by pretending to throw up all over his tennis shoes. However, Ug has a surprise for everyone, instead of Instructional Swim, they're all going to the beach. Budnick and Michael try to convince Ug they have recovered, but Ug leaves them at the nurse's office anyway.

The rest of the kids are off to the beach, and Michael is angry at Budnick for making him miss the beach trip. After a fight, Budnick and Michael put their differences behind them to try to get the TV to work, but all they can get is a Spanish language Western. They then become aware of a huge stash of ice cream available in the nurses fridge. But, according to the nurse, the only kids who get to have ice cream are the ones who have sore throats. Michael and Budnick then work together and plot a way to get the ice cream. Meanwhile, Ug and the other kids are having trouble finding the beach. They get lost, have a few encounters with the police, and finally Ug catches a cold after jumping in the water with all his clothes on.

Michael and Budnick's relationship takes a new turn in this episode and they become good friends after spending the day together in the nurse's office.

Quotes

"Michael and Bobby are better. They can go to the beach."
"So much better."
"Signed "Nurse Julie"...It's in crayon.":"Ug" and "Michael"

"I'm sorry, you're not a wuss."
"Well, thank you."
"You're a MEGA-wuss.":"Michael" and "Budnick"

"We've already gone two hundred miles, Z.Z. are you holding the map right?"
"Oh....yeah....":"Ug" and "Z.Z."

"Hey, they got this thing on the wall that sells balloons!":"Donkeylips"

"Um, Ug, Donkeylips just gave half the peace sign to that guy on the motorcycle back there."
"Which half?"
(siren):"Sponge" and "Ug"

Cinderella Play

It's time for the Junior Big Show at Camp Anawana, and Ug has decided to direct "Cinderella". Dina and Telly both want to play the lead role, but Dina gets Cinderella, leaving Telly to play an Ugly Stepsister. Donkeylips is a rapping mouse, while Michael plays Prince Charming.

Telly is jealous of Dina's success, while Dina has let stardom go to her head. After it becomes obvious she hasn't memorized her lines, Ug warns her she had better do it or "else". She finally comes down to earth, and with Sponge's help she finally memorizes her lines. Just when everything seems to be going well, Dina loses her voice. It seems like the show is off, until Sponge proves that Dina really didn't lose her voice, she just has a case of stage fright. Sponge tells her to just imagine a giant chicken in the audience to help get over her fright.

On the night of the play, Dina's stage fright bubbles to the surface again, and she freezes in front of the crowd, until she sees a giant chicken in the back of the theater. Sponge has dressed up in a chicken costume in order to help Dina. The play ends and everyone claps. The cute boy in the audience starts bringing up roses. Dina thinks they're for her, but he actually brings them to Z.Z. Dina may not have gotten roses, but she did get over her stage fright.

Quotes

"So what's it all about?"
"It's about...ninety-eight pages.":"Michael" and "Ug"

"At first I'm a mouse, and I live in a house, and they think I'm a louse, and then I turn into a...horse? Of course? Of course? Hey Ug, "mouse" and "horse" do not rhyme."

:"Donkeylips"

"Oh the dark dirty water! the horror...the horror."
"That's not her line."
"Dina! Action!"
"You want Cinderella to put her hand in that, hire a stunt double!":"Dina", "Sponge", and "Ug"

"Z.Z.? You're no longer a flying fairy god mother, you're a..."
"Waddling, ambling, jumping, hopping"
"That's it! You're a...a hopping god mother! You're a god mother who hops.":"Ug" and "Sponge"

"Here, take a sip of this. It's called milkweed and bullfrog soup."
(Dina spits it out)
"Not real bullfrogs!"

"Get on the stage, move your feet, cause he rapping mouse is getting beat!":"Z.Z."

Donkeylips's Crush on Dina

Everyone has a date to the camp social except for Dina, who wants Michael to ask her. She leaves a note for him, but Donkeylips finds it first and thinks it's meant for him. He enlists the help of Budnick to find the right way to ask her to the dance.

Meanwhile, Sponge and Michael are helping to set up for the dance so they can be DJs. After Dina finds out the flowers she received aren't from Michael, a search begins to find out who her secret admirer is. After following a trail of clues, a photo reveals the secret admirer is Donkeylips, to Dina's horror. Now she has to take him to the dance!

Forced into going to the dance by her friends, Dina blows off Donkeylips the whole night until they are picked for the "spotlight dance". During the dance, Donkeylips reveals that he knew all along that she didn't ask him. He tells her that he only went with her because he knew no one was going to ask her. Realizing how unpopular she really is, Dina has a change of heart and ends up having a good time with Donkeylips after all.

Quotes

"What's a 'loof'?"
"A loof is a cross between a loser and a doof.":"Donkeylips" and "Budnick"

"Never ask a girl 'why'.":"Dina"

"He's giving off this thick odor of sweat and licorice!":"Dina"

(Finding out Donkeylips is her secret admirer)"Why do bad things happen to good people?":"Dina"

"I'm just not sure where to put my hands."
"It's a simple rule of manhood, you put your hands anywhere she'll let you!":"Donkeylips" and "Budnick"

"If my body is a map of the world, your hands stay in the northern hemisphere.":"Dina"

"Uh, Eddie...There's one thing I gotta tell ya."
"You wanna kiss me?"
"No...You're standing on my foot.":"Dina" and "Donkeylips"

Mail Carrier Mona

Ug receives a letter from his girlfriend Rachel, saying she's coming to visit him. He is so excited, the other campers don't have the heart to tell him that another letter came telling him the first letter was a mistake, she has another boyfriend and the letter was actually for him.

Michael finally breaks the news to him after Ug spends the entire day waiting for Rachel's car by the road. He is despondent and doesn't care about camp anymore. The kids are worried about him, so decide to fix him up with the new mail carrier, Mona. She is filling in for a couple of days while the regular guy is out with an injury.

It's up to the guys to convince Ug to move on to someone new and the girls to convince Mona that Ug is the right guy for her. After a lot of convincing, Ug and Mona get together and camp is back to normal.

Quotes

"I love love. It's so...lovely.":"Z.Z."

Michael, whats that smell? "stanky"

"Ug, there's something kinda personal I need to talk to you about."
"Yeah? Wait...this doesn't have something to do with, like, health class, does it? Because I don't get paid to teach that stuff.":"Michael" and "Ug"

"Ug, come on, we need you to come with us right now. The mail lady's down at the docks and she's waiting for you."
"Excellent, cuz I got this letter I gotta send to Rachel."
"Hurry up Ug, she's going to leave!"
"But I don't know which one to send."
"You wrote two?"
"Yeah, see this one is, it begs for her to come back and, well, this one, it's mostly elevator shafts and voodoo curses."
(all point at second letter) "Send that one!"
"Blow her off!":"Michael", "Ug", and "Budnick"

"I'm Mona"
"Ug"
"I know, it is an awful name. I always wanted to be called 'Juwa'.":"Mona" and "Ug"

"In the postal system of life, you're one first class male.":"Mona"

Environmental Party

Camp Anawanna is overflowing with garbage, and it's up to Z.Z. to convince everyone to clean it up. Ug appoints her "Environmental General" but Z.Z.'s heavy-handed approach makes the rest of the kids resent her. Meanwhile, the boys are trying to make some money by selling honey from a beehive they discover in the woods, but the beehive turns out to be full of old magazines.

Dina convinces Z.Z. to get everyone interested in saving the planet by throwing a party for the environment. A foodfight ends the party in disaster. The party created more waste than it stopped. Z.Z. is discouraged until she talks to the local recycling man, who gives her the idea to get everyone to recycle by reminding them that they can make money.

After Z.Z. promises the kids a trip to the waterslides if they can raise enough money by recycling, the campers finally go out and help clean up camp. The time finally comes to go to the waterslides, but Z.Z. and Budnick discover that the kids have decided to spend the money on the environment instead. They bought and planted a tree to teach future campers about the environment. Budnick wants to drill into the tree to sell the maple syrup, but the rest of the kids chase him away.

Quotes

"Now look inside the beehive honey..."
"You called him honey!"

:"Budnick" and "Donkeylips"

"Hey guys, there's nothing in here except a bunch of dirty old magazines!"
"Did he say dirty old magazines, or old "dirty" magazines?":"Sponge" and "Michael"

"This is Doctor Kahn. I am not amused at whoever hung the sign around the goat that said 'This is Doctor Kahn.' Not funny.":"Doctor Kahn"

"It's now time for the ecology dance. And the lucky winner is...number twenty-eight!"
"All right! I got twenty-eight!"
"Oh, I meant thirteen."
"I got thirteen too!"
"Heh...ninety-six?"
"I got "all" the numbers!":"Dina" and "Donkeylips"

eason 2: 1992

Pinsky Comes To Camp

Michael has the chickenpox, and when Ug returns from the doctor Michael's not with him. After Michael gets over the chicken pox he's going hiking with his parents in Switzerland. Everyone is sad to see him go except Budnick, who acts like he's happy Michael's gone.

It's only been four hours since Michael left, and already a new camper has arrived, Ronnie Pinsky. He introduces himself by throwing Budnick out at baseball. Everyone is excited to meet him, but Budnick doesn't like the new kid.

Meanwhile, Ug has decided that everyone needs to be quarantined so they don't infect anyone else with the chickenpox. Pinsky doesn't like rules, so he breaks quarantine to go to the girls' cabin. Ug catches him, and punishes him by making him roll an apple through mud with his nose.

That night, Pinsky can't sleep. He decides to go to the girls cabin, but is caught by Ug. With quick thinking, Pinsky offers Ug the famous "Pinsky Salami", and it turns out Ug loves salami. The other boys can't sleep either and goes out to see what happened to Pinsky. They hear music coming from the lodge, and finds Pinsky playing the piano and the girls dancing, while Ug eats the salami. Budnick doesn't understand what happened, but he knows he doesn't like Pinsky.

Quotes

"How come you got a jock strap on your face?"
"Protection!"
"I guess I don't understand how jock straps work.":"Donkeylips" and "Ug"

"Who was that jerk?! (Pinsky)":"Budnick"

"Now I know this camp has rules, but guess what, I don't like rules.":"Pinsky"

"Hey Pin Head (Pinsky), why don't you come over here and salute your shorts.":"Budnick"

Counselor Budnick

Budnick thinks that Ug has the easiest job in the world. He just lays around all day and never has to do anything. It happens to be "Upsidedown Weekend", where everything that can be done backwards, will be done backwards. This includes making a camper a counselor for the weekend. Budnick sees his chance to make camp fun, and the campers all elect him after he promises he'll let everyone run amok. Ug crowns him "counselor for the weekend". If Budnick is the counselor, that makes Ug the camper. Ug turns out to be the biggest prankster camp has ever seen. Meanwhile, Dina finds a frog in her shoe. She wants to squish it, but Z.Z. saves it and decides to train it for the upcoming frog-jumping competition.

Budnick gloats that being a counselor is so easy, a chimpanzee could do Ug's job. The two make a wager on who makes the better counselor, with the kids voting at the end of the weekend. Ug gives him the Anawanna counselor guidebook and reminds him he has to enforce the rules or Doctor Kahn will nail his butt to a tree.

Budnick completely changes and becomes a rule enforcer, making sure everyone follows the rules to the letter. No one likes the new Budnick that's more interested in punishing everyone than letting them have fun. Sick of his treatment, the rest of the campers along with Ug conspire to pull the ultimate prank.

That night, Budnick is brooding about how being a counselor is no fun. Z.Z. tries telling him not to turn to the rulebook all the time. The campers choose that night to pull the ultimate prank. Budnick gets covered in pancake mix, eggs, and milk. Meanwhile, Dina finds out that the winner of the frog-jumping competition gets a night on the town and wants the frog back. Ug tries to solve the problem, but can't help them.

Budnick punishes them again, but complains they aren't giving him a chance to be a good counselor. Dina and Z.Z. are still fighting, so Pinsky suggests that Budnick try to solve the frog dispute. He comes up with a solution that gives the frog to Z.Z., and everyone agrees to follow his rules. However, Budnick decides he's had enough of being a counselor. He and Ug agree to a draw on their bet, and Z.Z.'s frog wins the competition.

Quotes

"That's like a wedgie and melvin combined!"
"It's a mervin! Ug gave Sponge a Mervin!":"Telly" and "Donkeylips"

"Why don't you just go swim in the lake?"
"Because fish fart in it.":"Dina" and "Budnick"

"I thought we got to run amok. I"m just standing amok!":"Donkeylips"

"Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Aristotle said that."
"Budnick is a swine! Let's pound him! Pinsky said that.":"Sponge" and "Pinsky"

"Who do you think you're dealing with here?"
"Casper the Friendly Ghost?"
"You're wrong. It's Budnick, the Counselor of Doom.":"Budnick" and "Donkeylips"

Telly and the Tennis Match

Telly loses a tennis match to Scotty Rex, the camp tennis champ. She decides she needs a new racket in order to beat him. After her mom won't send her a new one, Telly resorts to Budnick, who gives her his racket on the condition that she do him a favor at a later time. Meanwhile, Sponge is trying to collect ants for his ant farm and offers a nickel a piece for them.

With her new racket, Telly challenges Scotty to a rematch, but Budnick stops it, convincing them to wait until tomorrow, when everyone can watch them. After announcing the match, Budnick takes bets at five to two odds. Donkeylips is so excited about the odds, he knocks over Sponge's ant farm. The ants get all over the lodge and Ug ends up eating them.

The night before the match, Budnick calls in his favor, he wants Telly to throw the match. Everyone bet on Telly, so if she wins, he will lose a lot of money. She reluctantly agrees. The next day, Telly throws the first set. During the break, Dina and Z.Z. convince Telly she needs to win. Telly throws out Budnick's racket in favor of her own racket. She comes back and wins now that she doesn't have to honor her promise to Budnick. Budnick ends up having to pay out to the rest of the campers.

Quotes

"Hey, Budnick. What's your racquet?"
"Mostly candy, but a few fake I.D.s.":"Telly", and "Budnick"

"Ants have different personalities. There's leaders, followers, wimps, and bullies. The ants in this jar are just like the kids at camp!"
"Yeah? Well which one is Dina? I want to put my ant next to her so they can fall in love!"
"I'm afraid that relationship wouldn't work, Donkeylips."
"Why? My ant isn't cool enough?"
"Your ant is not an ant. It's a chocolate sprinkle! From your ice cream cone!":"Sponge" and "Donkeylips"

"I can't believe any thinking human being is so hung up on material possessions."
"You don't have a lot of hand-me-downs do you?
"Well I do, but in my family we call them antiques.":"Z.Z.", "Telly", and "Dina"

"My pepper's moving!"
:"Ug"

Dina and the Rock Star

Dina promises everyone that she will get Jamie Mallet Jr., a huge rock star, to perform at the camp dance. She finds out that Jamie is staying at a nearby camp to relax and get some rest from the celebrity lifestyle. Dina tricks him into thinking the camp he is at is too dangerous and to come and relax at Camp Anawanna. When he arrives, he is overrun by fans. Dina then gets angry when Jamie spends most of his time hanging out with Pinskey instead of her, because Pinskey isn't treating him like a celebrity. As revenge, she spreads lies about Jamie through the camp which sparks a food fight in which she gets accused of starting & is punished by Ug.

The Cursed Skull

It's really hot at Camp Anawanna, and the girls' tempers are short. After an argument, they decide to move to different bunks. While they are fighting, the guys are better friends than ever. Budnick found an old cow skull at the Sacred Caves, and they decide to form a secret society, "The Order of the Skull." Z.Z. warns them it's the Cursed Skull, and bad things happen when it's around. Sure enough, unlucky things start to happen to everybody. Ug warns Budnick to get rid of it, but Budnick refuses. The girls decide to take the matter into their own hands, and return it to the cave themselves. They are stuck together one last night before they move.

By the time the girls get to the cave, it's too late to go back. They have to spend the night in the cave. They discover the town has been using the cave as a dump, there's all kinds of great junk to pass the time. Meanwhile, the boys are being initiated into the Order of the Skull. The final ordeal is to clip a single nose hair from Ug.

As the night goes on, the girls start to have fun being with each other again. The boys however, find out they have gone through the grueling initiations for nothing, the skull is missing. And Ug is not happy about the cut in his nose the boys caused while getting the hair. When the girls return to camp, they find the boys being punished and fighting among themselves. But the girls have decided to stay together for the rest of the summer.

Budnick Loves Dina - Part 1

Budnick and Pinsky are sitting in the lodge when Dina walks in. Pinsky notices that Budnick is in love with her. Budnick tries to get Dina to like him, but she is not very receptive. Meanwhile, Sponge and Donkeylips belong to the Super Indian Scouts, and are trying to earn various merit badges and Telly and Pinsky have hurt their knees in a three-legged race. While he's recovering, Pinsky suggests Budnick write a song to tell Dina how he feels.

Telly and Dina find out that Budnick likes Dina. Z.Z. knows Budnick likes one of them, but she doesn't know who. Telly and Dina tell her it's her, and she becomes love-struck. She is so excited when Budnick comes to the lodge singing, she thinks it's for her. He walks by her though, and ends up humiliating her and Dina both. Dina throws food in Budnick's face. To top things off, everyone except Budnick and Dina end up hurting their knees in various ways.

Budnick goes to the girls' bunk, but Dina runs off. Budnick apologizes to Z.Z., who sees that Budnick is really a nice guy. She tells him to tell Dina what he just told her, and she will probably go to the social with him. He can't find Dina though, so Budnick enlists the aid of Sponge and Donkeylips, who are excellent trackers due to their Super Indian Scout training. They find her out in the lake.

Budnick apologizes to Dina, who decides maybe Budnick isn't so bad after all. Everyone sees Budnick get in the boat with Dina, including Z.Z. She is upset to see Dina forgive Budnick after all.

Quotes

"That girl is breathtaking. That girl is amazing."
"That girl is Dina.":"Budnick" and "Pinsky"

"Tender armpits happen to run in my family."
"Too bad that's the only thing that can run in your family.":"Pinsky" and "Telly"

"You've just described a combination of Mother Teresa, Madonna, and Flipper. I don't think there was much Dina in there.":"Pinsky"

"Now how many times have I told you guys there's not supposed to be any running in the Lodge."
"Technically, running was not our problem. We collided. There should be no colliding in the Lodge.":"Ug" and "Sponge"

"I think Budnick has a crush on Dina."
"Z.Z. has a crush on Budnick."
"And I think Telly is actually "crushing" Pinsky.":"Donkeylips" and "Sponge"

Dina Alexander: How's your head, Ug? Ug: Fine, but do you guys hear this really high-pitched... [Ug makes a beeping sound] Z.Z., Dina Alexander: No. Ug: Or this low pitched sound sort of womp... womp... Z.Z., Dina Alexander: No. Ug: So I guess that brontosaurus tap dancing in the corner isn't real, hun? Z.Z., Dina Alexander: No. Ug: I think I better go put some more ice on my head. Z.Z.: You go do that, Ug, now...

Budnick Loves Dina - Part 2

Z.Z. and Telly can't believe Dina likes Budnick. She goes out on a walk with him, and everyone spies on them. Dina wants Budnick to pound them, but he tells her he has changed to become a classy guy for her. Their first date is a disaster. She's disappointed that he's not the bad boy he was before.

After Dina starts a food fight and Budnick stops it, Dina realizes he's changed for the worse. She would rather have the old than the new Budnick as her boyfriend. She realizes she has to break up with him. The next morning, she tries to break up with him, but he tells her he can't live without her.

It's on to plan B. Pinsky tells Dina she will have to get him to break up with her. She starts to do all kinds of mean things to change his mind about her. The worst part comes when she tells him he has to cut his hair. Meanwhile, Sponge and Donkeylips need one more merit badge to go on a camping trip. They have to start a survival fire without matches, but they can't seem to do it. Z.Z. starts the fire with Sponge's glasses, so everyone can go on the trip.

The time comes for Dina to cut Budnick's hair, but in the end he can't go through with it. He breaks up with her, and finally everything is back to normal. The old Budnick is back. Yet, Dina seems broken up by it.

Quotes

"I don't know what you're thinking with, but it's certainly not your brain.":"Pinsky"

"Before he was like a Tootsie Pop. Hard outside, but sweet inside. Now...he's just chewed up marshmallow goo.":"Dina"

"Be mean."
"Be cunning."
"Be ruthless."
"Be yourself.":"Sponge", "Z.Z.", "Donkeylips", and "Telly"

"Maybe if I eat cake, it will make my knee feel better.":"Donkeylips"

ponge Goes To The Movies

After sleeping through the camp's "Club Choice Day," Pinskey ends up in Sponge's computer club. He then decides to use the camp's outside modem line to make long distance phone calls. Sponge gets blamed for all the calls. To try to make it up to him, Pinskey invites Sponge on a date with him and two girls from another camp.

The Pinsky-Sponge Gazette

Pinskey and Sponge start a camp newspaper. While Sponge is writing actual news stories, Pinskey starts a gossip column, which soon becomes very popular. When he writes that Telly may have cheated at a recent sports event, it starts to get everyone into trouble.

"Sometimes the truth hurts""Yeah and sometimes my fist hurts."

"Pinsky" and "Budnick"

Capture the Flag

Donkeylips wants to play on the offensive side of the camp's Capture the Flag team, but even though he knows the strategy, he is put on defense because he is so slow. But when the offensive crew is captured by the enemy, it is up to Donkeylips to lead the defense team to save the day.

Park Ranger Mona

Mona Tibbs, the mail lady, has joined the park service to be closer to Ug. He thinks this is good because she will go easy on the camp when she comes to inspect it. Instead, she nitpicks every little thing and reports the camp for several infractions. The campers decide to make it worse by pointing out more flaws, hoping to be put in a hotel while the camp is fixed if it is shut down. They find out, however, that they would be transferred to other camps. They quickly set out to clean up camp and help Mona and Ug patch things up.

Ellen Comes To Camp

Ellen, Dr. Kahn's niece, comes to visit camp, and Ug orders the campers to treat her like royalty. She is a real brat and the gang is ready to use vigilante justice on her, but Ug, though he is also bothered by Ellen, stops them because he is trying to get a raise. The gang decides to try the silent treatment, which sends Ellen over the edge. In the end, the gang gets the ultimate revenge, and Ug gets his raise for teaching Ellen a lesson.

Anawanna Incorporated

The campers start a birdhouse company for career day. Dina is appointed leader and Donkeylips is put in charge of production. After seeing how the others are being lazy, Donkeylips and his workers go on strike. Meanwhile, Ug and Sponge search for items to put in the Camp Anawanna time capsule. In the end, Donkeylips gets another crew of kids together and ends up selling all the birdhouses while the rest of the gang is left looking on in amazement, and without any money.