KY Tellython

KY Tellython was an episode of the early 90's BBC Comedy series KYTV. It launched the second series.

KY Tellython was a parody of the various television appeal projects to raise money for charity (e.g. ITV Telethon). It also picked up the Comic Relief tradition of Red Nose Day and instead applied the more inappropriate "Brown Nose Day" celebrations.

Regional elements

As with genuine fundraising shows such as Children in Need and Comic Relief, much of the show involved commentary from around the country to explain how some of the donations would be used. These included some of the following:

*The KYTV Marathon - or possibly the London Marathon, hijacked by KYTV, and apparently sponsored by American District Telegraph. Anna Daptor had various difficulties here. In her first broadcast she was unaware that the cameras were rolling. Then she attempted to find her missing contact lens in the middle of the runners. Further broadcasts included a real police officer who Anna mistook for a runner in fancy dress, Batman "putting on a bit of a spurt" as "I've just heard Jimmy Saville's coming up behind me!", and Anna's disastrous attempt to talk to the man in pole position.
*Scotland - Graeme Batty reporting on a generous donation of £1 ("oh yeah, change is in the post!"), and a Kenneth Kendall lookalike competition won by Kenneth himself ("last year I only came fourth"). Mike Flex claimed that Batty was an old friend of his but, of course, he forgot his last name.
*Wales - including a girl who just happens to be donating another £1 coin. Due to some poor links it becomes obvious that she is the same girl from the Scotland set, although she did wear a different costume. This is also picked up by Mike Flex.
*The Midlands - with Phil Longman from Birmingham. Virtually all of Phil's broadcasts are without sound. The material is particularly unusual - e.g. pouring a bucket of water over himself, hacking the head off a dummy, hanging upside down while being hit with an inflatable banana. By the final broadcast Phil has realised that the sound wasn't broadcast for any of his previous parts of the show, so he proceeds to call the KY Tellython a "complete balls up" and finishes by saying "up yours Mike! Bye!". Of course, by now the sound is working perfectly.
*St Luke's Hospital - Martin Brown meets a patient who broke just about every bone in his body doing a bungee jump dressed as a budgerigar - as he was "raising money for your bloody Tellython!". Martin also said that the hospital was badly in need of some vital equipment, such as table tennis bats, which was proved by the scene during the closing credit that a team of surgeons were using the table tennis bats to perform a surgery!

By the end of the show, it is revealed that Scotland, Wales and The Midlands are simply small sets in the same studio, with cheap backdrops to distinguish them.

Mike Flex's Master Quiz

Mike promises to donate £1,000 to the KY Tellython for every correct answer given. All of the questions involve well-known songs but these are changed to prevent anyone from actually winning. For instance, "Do you know the way to San Jose" becomes "...San Francisco", while "I'm leaving on a jet plane" becomes "...on a combine harvester". The final contestant is given a song to identify from a one-note intro, which she correctly identifies as "I Get Around" by the Beach Boys. This then results in the "supplementary" part of the question, another intro, but this time there is no intro at all so the contestant has to take a wild guess. Her answer is "Beatles, Yellow Submarine", which is correct - but Mike refuses as the card says "The Beatles" rather than "Beatles". The final contestant is cut from the DVD release of series 2.

Scoreboard

Throughout the show, the presenters would check the scoreboard to determine the exact amount of money raised by the public. The reported scores were:

*7p
*Zero (to which Mike Channel remarked, "looks as though someone has called...if only to ask for their 7p back!")
*£1,000 (briefly, which then reset to zero)
*The score didn't actually stop this time - the numbers just kept rolling
*£85million (which either represents "..."overwhelming generosity on your part, or staggering faulty wiring on ours." "and personally, I'd go for the latter.")

Note that the scoreboard is reported inconsistently. 7p was shown as "00000007" whereas £1,000 was shown as "00001000". The figure does not include a decimal point, so the first score should have been £7. This may have been a deliberate error.

Guest appearances

Tony Blackburn made a guest appearance as a call centre celebrity, and was in the middle of a conversation with a potential donor. However, when Blackburn revealed his identity to the caller, it appeared that the caller terminated the call before donating a single penny.

Rolf Harris was also manning the phones, but was caught on the phone to his brother in Australia, possibly due to the lack of calls.

Sue Cook appeared to be enthusiastic with one caller though it soon emerged that she was appealing for witnesses to an incident as she did when presenting Crimewatch.