Lil the Whore

Lil the Whore (aka Diddlin' Nell or The Legend of Piss Pot Pete) is a rhymed folk poem. This bawdy poem, which was once much more common, has appeared in print rarely because of its bawdy content.

The poem

Variants

Diddling Nellie

::Nell was a schoolteacher way out west::But she gave up teaching. She like diddlin' best

::Now it was a standing bet in our home town::There were no two men black or brown::That could frog old Nell and hold her down

::'Til one day there strode into the bar ::Wild and wooly Piss Pot Pete::Fresh off the range from diddlin' sheep

::Pisspot laid his John upon the bar::The old folks say that it reached from thar to thar.

::Pete yelled for a bottle then turned as he spoke::Spent a year on the range with a rusty load in my poke

::I've palmed a few batches on the hill where I sat::Changed hands and gained a stroke -- caught it in my hat

::On a cold winter's nights, I go to bed with the sheep::Then leave my John soak til the shit is knee deap.

::Now I want a gal, no two bit whore::She must be a good one who knows all the score

::There's only one woman any good I hear tell::She's a hustling chippy a bitch called Nell

::Now just the sound of that name brought a hush over those walls::The only noise in the room was Pete scratching his balls

::So you want old Nell, said a voice from the door.::Well that's what I'm called. I'm that old whore

::I hear you are here bragging. I know your sort::There won't be any price. We'll do it for sport

::But I'll take a bet -- anything you can name --::Mine against your and only one winner in the game

::It's a deal said Pete and the croud gave a hollar::Then the betting begain. No odds. Dollar for Dollar.

::They all shook hands and the bets were made::For Pete and Nell to screw and spar ::Up on the hill behind the bar

::When the day arrived thousands fought for a seat::Just to see that half-bread hide his meat

::A shout arrose when the half-breed came::Dressed and ready for that deadly game

::Nell came out and the croud gave a cheer::For on Nells face there was a snear

::For this little old shriveled man::That dared to brag he could frog her can

::They turned and sparred twisted and sweezed::First one then the other upon their knees

::Fought and fought for hours and hours::Tore down trees, grass and flowers

::The sneer was gone from old Nell's pan::All her thoughts were on her can

::Neither smiled; neither spoke::Suddenly Nell missed a stroke::And Pisspot nailed her as she broke

::The ground was torn for miles around::where poor Nell's ass had drug the ground

::Nell died that day all broken and tore::They hung her pants on the craphouse door.

::Poor, poor Nell

The Legend of Pisspot Pete

::Now gather 'round children and I'll tell a story of old, ::When men were brave and women were bold.

::It all started a way out west, ::To settle the bet of who was best.

::Now Old Lil fucked everything that crawled or creeped, ::And piled her victims in a great big heap.

::There wasn't a man for miles around ::With a big enough rod to fuck her down.

::Now news of this boast traveled far and wide; ::Thousands of rod-toters came and died;

::When down from Knoxville came Piss-pot Pete, ::With eighteen pounds of Swinging Meat.

::Eighteen pounds of meat and thirty pounds of cod; ::He wasn't a boy--he was a MAN, by God!

::Pete laid it out on the Blue Balls Bar; ::I'll swear it stretched from thar to thar.

::Stunk like shit, I thought I'd die; ::But he just laughed and let it lie.

::Gentlemen, countrymen, boys in blue, ::Came to witness this terrible screw.

::People came from miles afar, ::To place their bets at the Blue Balls Bar.

::They met the next morning in the middle of the street, ::The Mangey Whore and Piss Pot Pete.

::Pete greased his dick with a tub of lard, ::And he killed a mule trying to work up a hard!

::Old Lil warmed up on an old cross-tie; ::Oh my God how the splinters did fly!

::Pete came down Main Street like a south-bound freight, ::And Old Lil knew she had met her fate.

::All she could do was to take a seat, ::And let old Pete sink his meat.

::With a stretching of flesh, and tearing of skin, ::Old Pete drove the first two feet in.

::Old Lil screamed and clawed at the grass, ::And yelled like a panther with a turpentined ass!

::Lil let out a scream, "I can't take any more!" ::But Pete pounded away on the smelly old whore.

::The earth shook and dark came to the sun; ::Pete's eyes rolled back and he fired off his gun.

::When the battle was over and the dust had cleared, ::Over forty acres, Lil's ass was smeared.

::Gallons of love were spilled out in the street. ::It was so damn sticky, you couldn't pick up your feet!

::Land was torn up for miles around, ::Where Old Pete's balls had drug the ground.

::Pete reeled in his dick and pounded his chest; ::Got on two horses and rode off West.

::As a lasting memory to the great Old Whore, ::They hung her drawers on the Bar Room door.

::And all the soap this side of hell, ::Couldn't wash away that whorehouse smell! ::Now Old Pete died and went to hell: ::Fucked the devil and his wife as well!

::The little imps screamed and climbed the wall, ::Yelling, "Get him out of here before he fucks us all!"

::He fucked ninety-eight and his balls turned blue, ::Then he backed off, jacked off, and fucked the other two!

Lil The Whore

::In a town of Louieville,::There lives a well known whore, named Lil,::Now it was known for miles around,::That no two men could hold her down.

::Then over the hill came a bare ass Greek,::Who said his name was Piss Pot Pete.::He laid his cock across the bar,::It was seventeen inches long and twice as hard.

::Lil knew then she had met her fate,::But to back out then was to late.::So they choose a spot up on the hill,::In back of the shit house beside the mill,

::He mounted her like a Belgium stud,::And threw her ass into the mud,::And they fucked and fucked for hours and hours,::Until they had killed all the trees and flowers,

::Lil tried some stuff, some super stunts,::Unknown to other common cunts.::Finally with a sigh and a cough,::Lil gave up and Pete jacked off.

::Now Lil is no longer a well known whore.::And Pete is the father of four or more,::They no longer do it behind the mill,::For now they do it on the window sill.

::Pete better teach his kids from right from wrong,::Or they will go about a singing this song.

::Garter Fixer.::Darling let me fix you're garter,::Just and inch above your knee,::And my hand it slipped up farther,::And she shot all over me.

Printed & Recorded Versions

*The earliest printed example of this poem is in the underground book "Immortalia" 1927. pg, 8 [ [http://immortalia.com/html/books-and-manuscripts/1920s/1927-immortalia/immortalia-OCR.htm Drinking songs, rugby songs, hash house harrier ditties and rude rhymes ] ] .
*There are several manuscript and typescript variations of this poem found in the Kinsey Institute for Sexual Research (Kinsey-ISR) library.
*Legman discusses this recitation in both his 1964 "The Horn Book" and in his 1976 "Bawdy Monologues and Rhymes Recitations" article in Southern Folklore Quarterly. [ [http://www.immortalia.com/html/books-and-manuscripts/1970s/1976-legman-bawdy-monologues/index.htm Drinking songs, rugby songs, hash house harrier ditties and rude rhymes ] ]
*This poem was recorded on an underground party record issued ca 1955. [ [http://www.immortalia.com/sounds/records-and-cds/45s/plain-red-label-with-black-titles/Diddlin%20Nellie%20%5BFlipside%20Is%20Shave'em%20Dry%5D%20-%20%5BUnknown%5D.mp3 Drinking songs, rugby songs, hash house harrier ditties and rude rhymes ] ]
*John Valby, Dr. Dirty, recorded a variant of this on his Double-D CD: [ [http://www.immortalia.com/html/records-and-cds/CDs/john-valby/double-d-cd/the-ballad-of-big-ass-lil-and-yukon-pete.htm Drinking songs, rugby songs, hash house harrier ditties and rude rhymes ] ]

Further reading

* Baker, Ronald L. 1987. "Lady Lil and Pisspot Pete". Journal of American Folklore 100:191-199.
* Cray, Ed, "The Erotic Muse: American Bawdy Songs" (University of Illinois, 1992).
* [http://www.immortalia.com/html/books-and-manuscripts/1970s/1976-legman-bawdy-monologues/index.htm Legman, Gershon. 1976. Bawdy Monologues and Rhymed Recitations. Southern Folklore Quarterly (University of Florida) 40:59-123] .

See also

*Eskimo Nell poem/song found primarily in the UK.

References