The Golfer

Infobox Television episode
Title =The Golfer
Series =The Honeymooners


Caption =Ralph is interrupted in mid-swing by Alice.
Season =1
Episode =3
Airdate =October 15, 1955
Production =n/a
Writer =A.J. Russell and Herbert Finn
Director =Frank Satenstein
Guests =
Episode list =
Prev =Funny Money
Next =A Woman's Work Is Never Done

The Golfer is the 3rd episode of the TV series The Honeymooners. Ralph needs to bone up on becoming a good golfer to impress his boss.

Plot

Ralph finally gets a meeting with his boss at the Bus Depot, but things don't turn out quite the way he wanted. In the course of their conversation, Norton intimates that Ralph, like his boss, likes to golf. The boss decides that a game of golf with Ralph would be a fine way to get to know Ralph. Ralph, though, has a problem - he can't golf.

Enlisting the help of Norton, Ralph tries to learn how to golf. Norton gives him tips from a book, which include 'addressing the ball' (to which Norton bows and waves at the golf ball and says, "Hello, ball!") and swinging from an incline (in their case, putting a small book on the floor, having Ralph step on it and taking a swing). Alice shows up and tries to convince Ralph that he'd be better off telling his boss the truth. However, Ralph believes he has what it takes to be a great golfer and refuses to listen.

Although we never see Ralph on the golf course, it soon becomes clear that Ralph should have listened to Alice, as the golf game will not go so well, since his boss chipped a bone in his ankle, and another executive from the bus depot will play for him.

Facts

*Original airdate: October 15, 1955
*Themes: Ralph's Big Mouth; Conclusion-Jumping; Ralph Vs. Alice; Scheme; Conclusion-Jumping
*A similarly themed episode also was made for I Love Lucy, where Lucy and Ethel need to learn how to play golf. In some DVD collections, these two episodes are paired together.

Quotes

Ralph: I don't care if you have any confidence because I've got enough confidence in me for the both of us.
Alice: You’ve got enough "everything" in you for the both of us.

Ralph: "(threatens Alice with golf club)" How'd you like to go sailing over the clubhouse, Alice?

Ralph: I'll answer the phone and say, "Hello, this is Mr. Kramden. What can I do for you?"
Alice: And I'll say, "Hello, this is Mrs. Kramden. When are you gonna take the garbage out?"

Ralph: Well, Alice, you gotta admit one thing: "I'VE GOT A BIG MOUTH!!!"

Norton: Step up, plant your feet firmly. "(to golfball)" Hello, ball!

"(Alice sees Ralph wiggling about in trying to golf)"
Alice: What are you doing, Ralph?
Ralph: I'm just practicing to play golf.
Alice: Is that so? I thought it was football, the way your backfield was in motion.

Norton: What's crazier? Saying, "Tally ho!" to a fox or saying, "Hello," to a golf ball?

Ralph: Well, it looks like I won't be needing this lunchbox much longer.
Alice: "(excited)" Ralph, you’re going on a diet!
Ralph: "(angrily)" No, I am "not" going on a diet!
Alice: What are you gonna do? Are you getting a bigger lunchbox?

Norton: First, you should've started the rumor that Mr. Harper knows you're alive.