Wilsonism

Wilsonism is a monotheistic religion centered on the teachings of Greg Wilson and his son, Jose Wilson.

Its followers, known as Wilsonists, believe that Wilson created the earth in his
sphere. After this, he "got bored" and created life on this blue-green planet. According to Wilsonism, Wilson is also attributed to creating television, sweets, water, the internet, and all other religions.

History of Wilson

Wilson is believed to be the only thing created by the big bang. After the initial explosion, it is said he grew from the nothingness, then later developed his craters, uneven eyes, and indifferent, "forever-judging" expression. After decades upon decades of Wilson existing in sheer nothingness, it is believed he recreated the big bang to develop planets and solar systems. One planet in particular he took to was the blue-green planet he called "Earth." He is said to have created water and other life-sustaining bodies on this planet, and then created life itself. Due to his own selfish wants and needs, he created two inter-connecting life forms to watch grow and develop, as he observed their actions and feelings towards each other, while Wilson himself hid behind the clouds. These life forms' names later were discovered to be Smadam and Pleve, as they carved them into an Oak tree.

After human civilization had developed under the watchful eye of Greg Wilson, he decided to once again toy with it. He decided to create something from nothing, once again, and impregnated a virgin whose name was Apel Teni. Slowly he watched this new life form develop, and when it was born, he contacted Apel to make sure she named him Jose.

Jose Wilson

Jose Wilson was believed to be born in the shape of a sphere, like his father, and born in the long-since forgotten city of Docsugogisguag, He was not "normal" as defined by human standards, for he had no arms, legs, or torso, and he communicated through telepathy. Jose was also found to be telekinetic and precognitive.

Jose, being an "odd ball" of sorts, skipped education altogether, and started right at work with the title of 'prophet'. He proclaimed he had been contacted and created by God (Greg Wilson), and that Wilson had told him to spread the news of his creation by the heavens. Most people were offended by the fact that there could be any god other than theirs, but took Jose's size, shape, and abilities as a form of proof that he must have been telling the truth.

Some extreme Anti-Wilsonists took Jose's preachings as heresy and sent him to death at the stake. Since they could not nail his arms or legs, they put a nail right through his head.

A month later, when some women were going to tend to Jose's grave, they noticed there was a large hole in the dirt. When they examined the hole, they found that there was no Jose to be found in it. Jose and his father had given up on human civilization altogether and decided for Jose to flee to the heavens.

Noselew

Noselew was the leader of the Anti-Wilsonist movement, and in Wilson's eyes, the symbol of the downfall of humanity. To punish Noselew for his evil deed, Wilson created a spot for him in the off-center of the earth (to combat Noselew's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and by this, threatened the rest of humanity. Those who blasphemed Wilson or Jose would end up with their souls in this fiery pit along with Noselew, to spend the rest of eternity in a vicious cycle of being eaten and secreted by the mighty Losenew (the off-shoot spirit of king of the underworld, Noselew).

Modern Wilsonism

In more recent times, Wilsonists believe in the great prophets Moe Persone and Fred Iscol. Moe and Fred have been said to have personal connection with Greg Wilson by special reincarnation of witnesses to Jose's crucifixion. Fred and Moe re-instated Wilsonism into what it is today, because man had long-since forgotten and misinterpreted the practice and beliefs of Wilsonism.

Practices

Modern Wilsonists practice in a way which is called Por Quastinne Aton. The most common Wilsonist greeting is "May the spirit of Wilson be forever in your heart," which is the translated form of "Plieas peaes thouyie kaetshuip."

Worship of Wilson is designated to happen between the hours of 12:00 AM and 1:00 PM, and is designated to happen on a blessed round mat with a depiction of Wilson on it. Sitting upon the Wilsonistic depiction is a symbol that Wilson gives you support and comfort.

Demonyms

There are many demonyms associated with Wilsonism, though Wilsonist is the most common. Seeing that Wilsonism is an open religion, Wilson is said to have given his followers choice of what they'd like to be called. The most used demonyms are Wilsonist, Wilsonan, Wilsonitarian (which is usually interchanged with the theocratic beliefs associated with Wilsonism), Gregian, Joseitarian, Joseist, and Gregitarian.