- I-message
In interpersonal communication, an I-message is an assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values etc. of the person speaking, generally expressed as a sentence beginning with the word "I", and is contrasted with a "you-message", which often begins with the word "you" and focuses on the person spoken to. Thomas Gordon coined the term "I message" in the 1960s. [Gordon 1995 p. xiii]
Description
Gordon advises that to use an I-message successfully, there should be congruence between the words one is using and one's affect,
tone of voice ,facial expression andbody language . Gordon also describes a 3-part I-message, called a "confrontive" I-message, with the following parts:
*non-blameful description of the listener's behavior
*the effect of that behavior on the speaker
*the speaker's feelings about that effectHe describes the I-message as an appeal for help from the other person, and states that the other person is more likely to respond positively when the message is presented in that way. [Gordon 1995 p. 112]Research
A study in
Hong Kong of children's reactions to messages from their mothers found that children are most receptive to I-messages that reveal distress, and most antagonistic towards critical you-messages. [Cheung 2003 pp. 3–14] A study with university students as subjects did not find differences in emotional reactions to I-messages and you-messages for negative emotions, but did find differences in reactions for positive emotions. [Bippus 2005 pp. 26–45]Use of the concept
A book about
mentoring states that communications specialists find that I-messages are a less threatening way to confront someone one wants to influence, and suggests a three-part I-message: a neutral description of planned behaviour, consequences of the behaviour, and theemotions of the speaker about the situation. [Shea 2001 p. 50]A manual for
health care workers calls I-messages an "important skill", but emphasizes that use of an I-message does not guarantee that the other person will respond in a helpful way. It presents an I-message as a way that one can take responsibility for one's own feelings and express them without blaming someone else. [Davis 1996 p. 100] A manual for social workers presents I-messages as a technnique with the purpose of improving the effectiveness of communication. [Sheafor 1996 p. 166]Notes
References
*cite book |title=Making the patient your partner: Communication Skills for Doctors and Other Caregivers|last=Gordon |first=Thomas |authorlink= |coauthors=W. Sterling Edwards |year=1995 |publisher=Greenwood Publishing Group |location= |isbn=0865692556, 9780865692558 |url=http://books.google.com/books?id=reUHRfGBpicC&pg=PA112&dq=I-message+three-part&ei=HahVSI6xKqe6jgHp8YyaDA&sig=YGPeYtK1BkrFrEsXqvUI10btTNI
* cite journal |last=Cheung |first=Siu-Kau |authorlink= |coauthors=Sylvia Y.C. Kwok |year=2003 |month= |title=How do Hong Kong children react to maternal I-messages and inductive reasoning? |journal=The Hong Kong Journal of Social Work |volume=37 |issue=1 |id= |url=http://www.worldscinet.com/cgi-bin/details.cgi?id=pii:S0219246203000020&type=html |accessdate=2008-08-23 |quote=
* cite journal |last=Bippus |first=Amy M. |authorlink= |coauthors=Stacy L. Young |year=2005 |month= |title=Owning Your Emotions: Reactions to Expressions of Self- versus Other-Attributed Positive and Negative Emotions |journal=Journal of Applied Communication Research |volume=33 |issue=1 |id=DOI 10.1080/0090988042000318503 |url=http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content~content=a714023761~db=all |accessdate=2008-08-23 |quote=
*cite book |title=How to Develop Successful Mentor Behaviors |last=Shea |first=Gordon |authorlink= |coauthors= |year=2001 |publisher=Thomas Crisp Learning |location= |isbn=1560526424 |url=http://books.google.ca/books?hl=en&lr=&id=DAP4Tz2LZ-kC&oi=fnd&pg=PA3&dq=I-message+you-message&ots=Ayx652m44u&sig=PENh_J0yoEa4iPZK_CxCr7WkE8A#PPA50,M1
*cite book |title=Patient Practitioner Interaction: An Experiential Manual for Developing the Art of Health Care |edition=4th |last=Davis |first=Carol M. |authorlink= |coauthors= |year= |publisher=SLACK Incorporated |location= |isbn=1556427204, 9781556427206 |url=http://books.google.ca/books?hl=en&lr=&id=fUuQHcdVUcIC&oi=fnd&pg=PA95&dq=I-message+you-message&ots=d3DwLcyL8_&sig=rbRRcDt2XNXceQhi5Nm_Ex-LTeo#PPA100,M1
*cite book |title=Techniques and Guidelines for Social Work Practice |last=Sheafor |first=Bradford W. |authorlink= |coauthors=Charles R. Horejsi, Gloria A. Horejsi |year=1996 |publisher=Allyn and Bacon (Original from the University of Michigan) |location= |isbn=0205191770, 9780205191772 |url=http://books.google.com/books?id=dFxHAAAAMAAJ&q=I-message+you-message&dq=I-message+you-message&lr=&ei=Ha1VSJzrFYSKjAH7mMSUDA&pgis=1
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