Dirty Magazine

"Dirty Magazine" is the ninety-fourth episode of Malcolm in the Middle. It initially aired on FOX on 2004-01-11.

Plot

Primary Plot

Malcolm is editing a student literary magazine called the Crystal Ship. While in the process of editing Ronnie and Hope request that their work be submitted into the magazine as well. Malcolm is amazed over Ronnie's story entitled 'Car Crash' and is more then happy to submit it in (though all entries are automatically submitted). Principle Block however demands that the story is pornographic because it contains the words j*** my d**** (the words themselves are censored). Though he has gotten the approval of his teacher Miss Shaw (it is implied that both Block and she are lovers), the principle insists that either the story is removed from the magazine or that the offensive words are replaced with asterisks. In the editing room Malcolm does not see any point in protesting against this decision until Ronnie, visibly upset, expresses that she had wished people would be proud of something she had accomplished for a change. Malcolm contacts a member of the ACLU who immediately sees this as an insult and, though Malcolm abruptly hangs up, files a lawsuit against the school so that the essay can be printed. Principle Block informs all of the students that the school districts lawyers have presented him a choice; either publish the article or suspend extracurricular activities. As a means of intimidating Malcolm he decides to choose the latter of the two. When his parents find out and he tries to defend it Lois and Hal believe that he is doing it because he likes Lori (who is a lesbian). The next day Malcolm is summoned into principle Block's office where, if he agrees to sign a letter that 'Car Crash' never met the standards of the magazine and that it was merely a prank to see what he could get away with, all of the activities will be reinstated. When Malcolm begins to protest he sees Ronnie who asks that he sign because she wishes to have field hockey back. Signing it, Malcolm thwarts Mr. Block by handing out the magazine, now titled 'Filthy Dirty Smut' twenty feet outside of school property as mandated by law. Saddened only that he did not put in any offensive material Stevie tells him to look at his picture 'The Mysterious Forest' which, when folded, reveals an adult image.

Sub-Plot One

Hal learns that a new supervisor, Nell, has been hired in order to downsize the office place that is in the process of being indicted. Caught in the break room microwaving his morning meal Nell reassures him that she will try to be as respectful to everyone as possible while making a flirtatious comment. Hal immediately tells Lois and insists that she was flirting with him to which Lois responds that he play along with the idea in order to keep his job. This continues each day until Hal finally breaks down confessing to Nell that while she is very attractive he is not turned on by her in the least and that his wife had told him to continue the charade. Though she is slightly offended Nell explains that while she was initially going to fire him she cannot because everyone else in his department has been let go. Before she leaves she playfully smudges lipstick on his collar which Lois sees and insists on knowing what has happened.

Sub-Plot Two

Reese and Dewey are having a punching contest between one another when Reese asks Dewey if he knows why he had won. He goes on to explain that it is not because of his size but rather because Dewey's mind is untrained. They both go outside where Reese proceeds to put dirt in Dewey's palm and explains that if he can birth the seed placed inside of the dirt he will have learned the secret to life itself. Though Dewey initially has doubts, wondering how Reese would possibly be endowed with anything knowledgeable, he goes along with the exercise. Meanwhile, Reese confides in Malcolm that he had placed a rock in the dirt merely to fool Dewey. Dewey continues the exercise throughout the next days until one evening while he is asleep Malcolm and Reese see that he has managed to complete it and there is a sprout growing from the dirt. Though they should be proud of their brother Reese takes a large fake flower and replaces it in the dirt commenting how it would be much funnier.

Sub-Plot Three

Otto and Gretchen are about to celebrate their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary when Otto tells Francis that he has failed to purchase a proper gift while Gretchen has ordered a custom made cuckoo clock. When Francis inquires what she would like Otto explains that she has always wished that he could learn to waltz. Otto, hesitant because of a previous instance (He had stepped on her foot, breaking it in three places, tore her skirt exposing her to many people which lead to a fist fight with her father and a night in jail), agrees to let Francis teach him in order to avoid the catastrophe of having a few dust cleaners and a cheap bracelet as a present. The two practice in the barn and Otto continues to slip up until Francis requests that he does not think but rather lets himself dance freely to the music and after this he is able to perform flawlessly. The night of the anniversary when Otto requests a dance from Gretchen he begins to step on her feet. Exclaiming he was able to do it perfectly and upset because he had practiced so hard Otto realizes that he needs a proper dance partner; Francis. Grabbing hold of his hand the two dance while Gretchen watches and at the end; the two share a kiss.

Characters

Recurring Characters

*Craig Lamar Traylor as Stevie Kenarban
*Kenneth Mars as Otto
*Meagen Fay as Gretchen

Guest Stars

*Kurtwood Smith as Principle Block
*Nikki Crawford as Nell
*Nicole Mansour as Hope
*Hallie Todd as Miss Shaw

Goofs/Continuity

*Principle Shaw mentions that if anyone would like to thank Malcolm because of the loss of activities that his schedule will be posted outside of his doorway. This is very similar to Commandant Spangler who frequently used the line "Feel free to thank Francis after I leave" in earlier episodes of the series.

*Though Reese claims to have put a rock in Dewey's hand Dewey is able to produce a sprout by the end of the episode. This means that there was either a script flaw; Reese had accidentally put a seed in when he meant to use a pebble; or much like an earlier episode when Dewey had been substituting gold fish for several weeks in order to adopt a dog, he had placed a sprout there instead to fool his brothers. The dirt itself might could have had a seed unknown to Reese in it when he put the dirt in Dewey's hand.