Difference Theory

In sociolinguistics, Difference Theory is the theory postulated by sociolinguist Professor Deborah Tannen in her book "You Just Don't Understand". It is compared with Dominance Theory. She summarised this theory with an article, in which she contrasts use of language between males and females in six different categories. They are as follows, each time with the place characteristic first in the title. These theories have exceptions as with any social conventions/observations. They are not strict observations and apply differently depending upon the pragmatics of a situation.

tatus vs. Support

Tannen states that, for men, the world is a competitive place in which conversation and speech must be used to build status or "gain the upper hand". She states that for women this is not so and that women see the world as a network of social connections and seek support for their statements and a consensus (rather than a victory).

Independence vs. Intimacy

Women, concerned with support and social links, constantly attempt to gain and preserve intimacy. By contrast, men, concerned with status building, will focus on independence.

Advice vs. Understanding

Women seek comfort and sympathy for their problems, whilst men will seek a solution to the problem.

Information vs. Feelings

Tannen states that men's conversation is message orientated, based upon communicating information. For women, conversation is much more important for building relationships and strengthening social links.

Orders vs. Proposals

That men use direct imperatives ("close the door", "switch on the light") when speaking to others. Women encourage the use of superpolite forms, however ("let's", "would you mind if...?").

Conflict vs. Compromise

A woman is more likely to prevent fights and conflict by refusing to oppose or assert herself, even if it will not get her what she wants from the situation. Men are much more prepared to argue their preferences at the risk of conflict.